Cackalacky…not in my vocabulary

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I was born and raised in North Carolina. I love it here! I have lived other places I love more, but I always knew my husband and I would return here to settle down for our Golden Years, and here we are.

When we were living in Maryland I had to travel to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina one week for work. I was meeting a new employee there for training. She was telling me her story of how she ended up in South Carolina all the way from New Jersey when she made the remark, “And now here I am living in South Cackalacky!” 

The hairs on my arms stood up and I felt prickly all over, and not in a good way.

Cackalacky?   Continue reading

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when it Rains

Joyful abandon!

Joyful abandon!

Hello everyone out there in the Universe! With the holidays quickly approaching, I just want to be able to give you a few thoughts to carry with you when those days get a little cloudy.

There is something I think we could all benefit from knowing about life, and here is a bit of it.   Continue reading

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Unlocking the pain from the past

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I saw this quote on a friend’s Facebook page today that read:

In order to be free, you have to unlock the pain from your past and let it go.

– Kim Russo

I found this profound because it fit right into the groove of everything I had been thinking about for the past two weeks. Once again I have had to grieve the loss of someone I thought was my friend and once again I had to realize that the red flags were popping up everywhere, all the time. It was because this friend was so much fun that I was able to continue pretending I never felt those red flags slapping me in the face. I really wanted to keep being her friend, so much so, that I compromised my own convictions and ignored my own personal boundaries in order to keep her. In the end, it stopped feeling very friendly and just wasn’t worth the drama she brought to my table and I had to walk away from it.

I started wondering why I kept attracting the same kind of person. I wondered what lesson was there that I wasn’t learning. Why was I doomed to keep repeating this same pattern of allowing someone to repeatedly cross my personal boundaries and disrespect me. How often do we ask ourselves these same questions, knowing the answers are there, but we just don’t want to admit it to ourselves?

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There are a lot of past situations I have had to endure that I have never talked about openly and I’m guessing the reason they still bother me is because of this lesson that I haven’t learned yet. Maybe if I just talk about it, they’ll start to scab over and maybe they’ll leave a scar, but it would be one I’m proud to wear now.   Continue reading

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helpful Facebook groups to AVOID

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I had the most bizarre experience with Facebook groups recently.

I remember discovering groups on Facebook, and even making a few of my own. My groups were mostly about cooking or music and stuff I loved to do, but there were a few that were about chatting and politics. Those last two groups ended up being the reason I swore off all groups for the last 5 years. The political group ended up being a hive of narcissism that turned into an online orgy after hours with male and female members all hot-chatting one another. I guess politics does that to some people. I left that group once I started being targeted by a vicious malignant narc and the rest of the group proved to be more voyeuristic than helpful when it came to dealing with him.

The chatty group was created by another powerfully charming narcissist. Upon adding me, she knew there were people I wasn’t interested in being linked to, but she added one of them to her group anyway. Then in private messages she tried to force me to work out the problems I had with this woman in the group, in front of everyone. I was flummoxed. I was in the beginnings of finding my own voice while recovering from mental abuse, and her pressuring me to do something so uncomfortable was flooring to me. I told her to back off and left her group. I’m happy this was my decision because who knows what dark hole they would have dug for me if I  had done her bidding? My pain is not fodder for anyone’s entertainment.

Which brings me to the most recent experiences with groups.   Continue reading

Posted in All kinds of Advice, Facebook Advice, Personal Boundaries Primer | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Reality television rewired my brain

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At the beginning of the year I wanted to do some work rewriting and creating new neural pathways in my brain. To do this you simply change your habits and do things differently. This keeps the brain from becoming stagnant and sedentary. One of the things that is a constant and unpredictable resource is reality. You can predict how most plays or television shows will turn out. You can predict how anything staged or preformed will end, but you can never predict reality. It’s always going to throw you a curve ball. Whether it’s something you see walking down your street one day, or something you can watch on television, reality is most definitely stimulating.

What are neural pathways?

“A neural pathway connects regions within the brain to one another or conveys information from the peripheral nervous system to the brain. Two major classes of neural pathways relay sensation to the brain or carry signals for movement to the body from it. They both consist of long, insulated nerve fibers that communicate electrically or by a chemical neurotransmitter. Spinal reflex pathways are local pathways that provide quick responses to sudden stimuli without feedback from the brain.”

~from Wisegeek.com

Neural pathways can be manipulated by us and outside influences. Thickened pathways are things that have become habits for us and those are the ones I sought to change and make more elastic and pliable…by changing my habits.

One of the things my husband and I enjoy watching are documentaries. It doesn’t matter what it’s about. There’s something about a documentary that just draws us in and glues us to the television set until it’s over. *putting on my best newscaster’s voice* “Ahem. Tonight watch the epic three hour journey of So and So as they make the unbelievable and arduous task  creating the ice pick. You will see from start to the bitter end how the ice pick went from a twinkle in So’s eye to the main character in the Michael Douglas and Sharon Stone thriller! Never before told details will be uncovered as we follow along together to discover…the ice pick!” There is nothing better in this world than a documentary. We love them! It’s the absolute best reality TV there is.

The other reality TV, which is where that particular phrase was coined, went from being very good to being very bad. I guess some shows still have what it takes to be unpredictable, but many of them are dwindling down to nothing much. I do have many favorites though. I like to watch the interactions between people to see how they solve issues and process bad behaviors. It’s interesting to be going through something in my own life and to suddenly see it happening on television between two reality stars. That’s when art imitates real life imitating art. And it’s fascinating!   Continue reading

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am I like that too?

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I remember telling one of my friends that in writing about personality disorders and bad behaviors, I tended to turn the spotlight on myself and ask those same questions. Am I like that too? Do I do those same things to other people? Do I carry those traits? Being in social research where you are constantly shining the light into the darker corners of humanity means I am especially adept at doing that to myself. It’s not one of my favorite things to do to myself.

Like most folks, I don’t relish looking inward. When you have to take a good long, hard look at yourself, you might find out things you don’t like. But I have found this to be an essential and valuable tool when gaslighting and lies are afoot. Questioning what I did to deserve this kind of treatment, usually brings about a conclusion that I can not ignore.   Continue reading

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the more you stir shit, the more it stinks

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I got a call this weekend from someone that used to date one of my best friends. They broke up when she found out he had been cheating on her with another one of her friends for months. Oh the drama we had in our 20’s!!! He was asking me to side with him in an argument he was having with someone else. He claimed they were “crazy” and a liar.

First of all, the minute the word “crazy” comes out of someone’s mouth to describe another human being, I stop listening.   Continue reading

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