The rabbit hole of control


Have you ever heard that expression? “Throwing it against the wall, seeing if it sticks”. Loosely translated this means that you continue to change your methods with someone until you get the reaction you most desire. I admit that I am a sucker for this kind of behavior and I fall for it almost every time. On a good day, you used to be able to charm the pants off of me.

I adore charming people because they can always make you feel like a million bucks, but there is a limit to how much charm I can take at a time before I begin to get suspicious. I am not a charming person. If I don’t feel it, I can’t say it, no matter how big a raise I could get or the clout I would have from having a certain friend. I admire some folks that dole out that brand of bull and not bat an eye. It takes a certain savior faire to be successful at it. I don’t have it. If I think you’re an ass, it’s a good bet that when you walk away from me you’re going to know I think you’re one.

I have always wondered if having this lush weapon in my arsenal would benefit me at all, so I decided to take a hard look at it. What I discovered is that there is the art of being charming and there is the controlling manipulator. And sometimes, they are the same person.  Continue reading

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me and my Shadow


Looking into the light brings the shadow out in all of us.

Posted in Artsy and Poetic | Tagged | 4 Comments

new fangled everything diety


I’m not that gal that goes for fads. There are some things in life that I might be tempted to try, just because the allure is too great to resist, but there’s not much out there that fascinates me to that point.

I don’t dress according to trends. That’s why you’ll never be able to go into my closet and find something that’s current. An example are capes. I fell in love with capes about five years ago, when no one was wearing them. My friends thought I had lost my mind as my cape collection expanded beyond even their grasp. Now it seems everyone is spinning a cape in the air and letting it fall gracefully around their shoulders, and I am kind of feeling “meh” about them.

Fad diets and fad diet products are another mystery to me. The famous Cabbage Soup Diet, or Eat Only Mangoes, or eliminating foods from your diet that are actually good for you to be eating. These kinds of diets play havoc with your internal clocks and gears and send your metabolism into shock.

I know some folks that try everything out there that comes up, but I tend to stick with just one thing and either stay with it as a life change, or beat it into the ground until I decide it doesn’t work and probably never did. There are some diets that are life changers and those I can get on board with. Ideas like the Ketogenic Diet or the Paleo Diet are great, if you commit 100%. The problem is that many folks just won’t make that kind of a commitment, even when their life depends on it.

Currently I do not take or use any diet products.   Continue reading

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a man and a Gun


I remember it like it was yesterday, even though I don’t want to remember it at all.

He had called to ask me to come over. I was at a mutual friend’s house right down the street. I wasn’t interested in going over there. I was having a nice time where I was. But he sounded so sweet. He said he needed to talk to me. I was the only person he could talk to. Could I please come as soon as possible?

I shoved my wet bathing suit into a plastic bag and gathered the rest of my things. I hugged my friend goodbye. We made plans to spend another day on the beach together tomorrow. I was happy there.

I slid my flip flops on and pointed my nose in the direction of his bungalow down the beach. I started walking. It was only a few blocks. The sun was just starting to set for the evening. I squinted at the blaze of beauty and smiled into it.  Continue reading

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Southern Boy Charm


There is something alluring about the Southern boy. That sweet look he gives you with his head cocked to one side. Those smiling eyes that twinkle. It could be the way his voice purrs and rattles when he’s speaking. Or the lilt that dangles from every sweet syllable.

But whatever it is, it can be dangerously intoxicating.

I grew up with Southern boys. Beautiful, sun burnished babies. They held my hand at the bus stop. They carried my books in school and they tried to kiss me behind the bleachers. Every move they make is soft, gentle and silky. They wear down your defenses with their charm.

Then they own you.   Continue reading

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My happiness and how I find it every day

Say this to yourself everyday

I’ve been working on realizing what truly makes me happy.

Do you ever think about that yourself?

What makes you happy?

There are some days I plan to do absolutely nothing. I have to work at doing absolutely nothing, so these days are hard for me to get through. Why do I do it? In order to quiet the buzz in your mind, you need to actively be quiet. If I tell myself in advance that I need a quiet day, then at least I’m prepared for it. I still resist quieting the buzz in my mind though. I don’t know why.

I am just not evolved enough to be a calm person yet, but I’m working on it. Figuring out what makes me happy means that I have an easier time of processing all of that stored up crap that makes me unhappy.  Continue reading

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Never lonely



A solitary bike ride is the cure for loneliness. The wind in your hair, the sun on your face and the power to make your own way, are the best company.

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