It takes approximately seven days for a cold or flu germ to incubate and then manifest.
Armed with that knowledge all these years and knowing I can bust the chops of the offending germ-carrier I have pulled out my day planner at the slightest hint of a cold and counted back seven days. That dreaded day, D day, was then dissected into places and people. Where was I on that day? Who was I with? Do I remember a cough, a sniffle, the sound of vomiting? Invariably I detect the culprit and load my arsenal with germs of my own in hopes of a confrontation and a deserved relapse for the criminal. The daydream of sneezing in their face and giving back to them the germ they had the nerve to take out in public is delightful.
I read on someone’s Facebook status about how they hated going to work sick. Duh! Dude! You don’t go to work sick! You keep your petri- dish- ass home. You wait until the virus has run it’s course in about 5 to 7 days and then, and only then, you come out of your iron lung. If your boss can’t understand that, then you need a new job. Making someone work when they’re sick is just plain mean.
And I can’t stress this enough: WASH YOUR NASTY, COUGH-COVERING HANDS! I am an avid hand washer. In my line of work you have to be. If I didn’t wash my hands constantly I’d be sick all the time. There are numerous occasions where I’m locked in a facility that has an outbreak of MRSA. To the layman that’s severe staph infection. It can be deadly.
So right now I have a sore throat. My lungs are congested. I’m a little sniffly. My body aches too. I can’t decide if my sides are sore from all the raking I did in the backyard the other day, or not. I also can’t deduce if my sore throat and congested lungs are from all the thick, yellow, pine tree pollen that has coated every available surface outside on the beach this week, or not. When I was raking leaves the pollen filled the air like a yellow cloud. I’m sure I breathed enough of it in to germinate a forest of pine trees in my lungs.
I’m taking ibuprofen and snorting my trusty Flonase right now. I developed extreme outdoor allergies while living in Texas. I had caught Cedar Fever. Before that I had never been allergic to anything in my life. I would scoff when folks claimed to be allergic to my cats. No more! I remember my first allergy attack like it was yesterday.
I was sitting in a meeting when I worked parttime for Hershey candies. My supervisor was speaking and stopped suddenly peering right at me. “Are you okay?” I remember waking up that morning with itchy eyes. I felt kind of dazed and lethargic, but I dismissed that as not having enough sleep. My throat was scratchy and my ears were a bit itchy too. What my supervisor saw was the same picture I was confronted with seconds later as I pulled out my compact mirror to see exactly what he had described. My eyes were blood red. The lids were puffy too. I was in the throes of what would be the most miserable I had ever felt in my entire life…I was allergic to something.
I can’t tell if I’m coming down with a cold or if I’m having an allergic reaction to pollen. If it’s allergies I can’t blame anyone but the wind. But rest assured, if I get a fever someone is gonna pay dearly. I have counted back seven days in my planner from yesterday. I was in a train station and then on a train. I might be powerless to exact revenge with those circumstances. The number of people is too great.
But hey, I’ll be on an airplane this Sunday night….*sniff*