I tend to get blamed for a lot of stuff I don’t actually do. Sometimes it surprises me that a few folks spend so much time in their heads making up new realities for me. I feel like a cartoon character. I have always wondered why this happens.
Why do these people go to great lengths to make a fake world for me to exist in?
It’s annoying. The odd detail is that 100% of the time, it’s someone that barely makes a dent in my life and it is always someone I never even think about. I’m not actively friendly with them, don’t live near them, and am never in contact with them. To me, even though I know who they are, they are still virtual strangers.
And yet, there it is…something else I’ve allegedly done to them or said to someone else and this person is compelled to drag me kicking and screaming into their nightmare of a life. I know that last sentence paints a graphic image. That’s the point. No one wants to be a part of this person’s pathology.
I have decided that this has absolutely nothing to do with me. It is a coping mechanism the individual engages in order to feel better about themselves. That’s all it is.
Coping mechanisms assist some folks through all kinds of daily stress and mental illnesses. This pathology triggers when someone feels they are at a disadvantage. There are several coping skill sets, but the one I am most exposed to is the Emotion based.
When I am faced with this person that has created yet another reality for me, I am perplexed. I am also intrigued. Much like the child that sees the dead jellyfish washed up on the beach and is curious enough to find a stick and poke at it. I want to know what lies underneath it all. What is on the other side that makes this person think so much about me that they have made stuff up? Why do I hold such importance in their minds that they lasso the moon to get my attention, even if it’s just my anger? What are they really after?
Often when it’s a negative response they buck for, their behaviors take place in an area where you can not have an immediate impact. I believe this is commonly known as *malicious gossip*. When the person is surrounded by mutual peers and wishes to raise themselves up, to make themselves feel more important, they engage their emotional coping skills. They pick an easy target, preferably one that can’t get to them right away, and they bash, malign and destroy this person to the group. The group listens, comforts and sometimes even agrees with them.
Hey Storyteller! What you don’t realize is the group is not under your spell. The group doesn’t live inside the fantasy you have created for your target. The group is fluid and separate and they waft away and ooze into several different channels once they are no longer your audience. They may reconnect with each other later and discuss the *story* you’ve told, but more often than not, they laugh it off, pigeonhole it for a later date when they can share your story with your target, or they completely forget the encounter and toss up your story as bitterness and jealousy. And sadly enough, the group can not take the place of good friends. There is a difference in the two.
Storytellers will continue to alienate people that they feel threatened by or insecure around.
I’m guessing that this coping mechanism is not working well enough if you continue employing it for everyone in your life that makes you feel at a disadvantage. Perhaps taking a look at yourself and figuring out why you feel this way would serve you in better and definitely healthier ways.
I have to admit, I call my friends when I’m stressed about something. I stay aware of the direction of my conversation, but sometimes I go off on a tangent. I am never mean or hurtful though. I do try to see all sides and I never lie about someone in order to make myself feel or look better. I can’t even imagine doing that. When I’m actively in my coping stage, I make sure to always ask my friend “Am I being an ass? Am I way off base? Do I need a reality check?” My friends are always straight with me. I’m lucky to have them.
I surround myself with as little mystery as possible. I don’t wear a mask, or a cape, and I don’t have a Bat Cave, though that might be kind of cool.
One day I might just illuminate my Bat Light in the sky and go hunt down a Storyteller or two. I could lasso them with the rope of truth and learn their reasons for being so shitty…Not! Sheesh…I can’t think of a bigger waste of my time.
Here’s my advice; if you’re still in your teen years, then you’re behaving accordingly. Kids have to go through this stage so that hopefully they mature into adults and know this kind of behavior is defeating. If you’re over 50 and you’re still doing this, get some help. See a counselor
Until then, if you don’t have anything nice (or true) to say, then shut the fuk up.
You can find this and many other entries about living with and recovering from narcissistic abuse in my book, Life After the Narcissist written by Katy Shultz. Available on Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble.com and all fine retailers.