50 ways to leave your lover, asshole

by Madeline Laughs

Do you remember that song by Paul Simon? 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover?

Make a new plan Stan. Jump on the bus Gus. Don’t need to be coy Roy. You just get yourself freeeeeee.

I like Paul Simon, but this song really pisses me off. 

Wikipedia says:

“Written after Simon’s divorce from first wife Peggy Harper, the song is a mistress’s humorous advice to a husband on ways to end a relationship: Just slip out the back, Jack/Make a new plan, Stan.”

Once I was told that breaking a promise and forgetting commitments is “as easy as diving off of a diving board into a swimming pool”. That one observation speaks volumes of that person’s character, or lack thereof. Anyone who thinks that breaking your word and not honoring your commitments is that easy, has no business having a relationship of any value.

To think this way must mean you have the moral fortitude of a fly. A fly will land on a sugar donut just as easily as it lands on a pile of dog shit. You see, it has no discretion and doesn’t care where it’s sitting just as long as it’s getting what it wants. (if you’re an avid reader, this is not the same fly as the one mentioned in a previous post)

If you know anyone that conducts their lives in this manner, take a step back and do a quick inventory of their life status. You’ll find in most cases that something about them has never clicked. They’re stuck in a rut, they’re usually broke and have never progressed far in thier life choices. They’re also parasites seeking other people’s good fortunes to glom onto. Can I tell you, these are people I just don’t like much.

As for my friends and people in my life that have a piece of my heart, here’s my advice if you happen to see the emotionally retarded headed in your direction…

EVERYONE OUT OF THE POOL!!!!!! THERE’S A TURD-FLOATER DIVING IN!!!

The best I can hope for someone like this is if they need to dive off of the diving board in the future…I hope the jerk makes sure the pool has water in it first.

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About Madeline Scribes

A writer with a sense of humor. If anyone can laugh at life, it's me.
This entry was posted in All kinds of Advice, Personal Boundaries Primer and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to 50 ways to leave your lover, asshole

  1. Regyna Longlank says:

    Yeah I liked that part too. This song is so freaking 70’s man, it just sums that whole hot mess right up.

    Like

  2. LoCal Russian says:

    I love the injunction by the dog in the Muppet Show version of the song (at 0:52): “Are you sure it’s not 50 ways to love your le(a)ver?” and the reply “Positive!” “Sorry, Paul,” says the dog.

    Like

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