by Madeline Laughs
He said that everyone’s got a story. Everyone has something that has happened to them in their lives that gives them the excuse to act the way they do today. Whether it’s “I had an abusive father so now I overeat to comfort myself.” “My mother was an alcoholic so now I’m one too.” “My whole family is fat, so I’m fat too.” “My wife cheated on me so now I don’t trust women.” “I was sexually molested when I was younger and my mother didn’t believe me so now I hate women.” It doesn’t matter who you ask, everyone has a story. Sometimes they’re different and sometimes they’re the same.
Do you know what he said about all of these stories? He said “So What?!” That’s right, he said “So what?!”.
“I had an abusive father…” SO WHAT?!
“My mother was an alcoholic…” SO WHAT?!
“My whole family is fat…” SO WHAT?!
“My wife cheated on me…” SO WHAT?!
“I was sexually molested when I was younger…” SO WHAT?!
His point is that as long as you continue to send that energy out into the Universe, you’ll keep drawing that kind of energy back to you. I know he’s onto something with this thought. I’ve actually seen this happen.
I knew this guy that had a lot of his own stories. Each one was more gut-wrenching and morose than the next. If he was pouting one day he would justify his lousy behavior with one of his stories. If he wanted you to feel sorry for him another day he would tell you another one of his stories.Most of his friends had heard it all before, so they had become less than accommodating when he started with the Woe-is-me Pity Parties.
He finally found an outlet that allowed him to rehash his stories over and over again. He could say whatever he wanted and he had the undivided attention of a whole room full of people that were there just to listen to him. He said it felt great, liberating. He had joined an Alanon group. He said they cared about his stories. He was excited to run to a meeting everyday. Sometimes he would go more than once a day. He told me that he thought it was so great to pay his dollar and get free therapy by letting other people hear his stories.
Is this therapy? I disagree. I see it as co-dependent. No one there is professionally counseling him. There are no reality checks.
His life became full of people that had stories like his. He was elated to tell me that some people in the group had stories that blew his away and this made him feel so much better about himself. He even met his new girlfriend there and he said her stories “made an After School Special seem tame”. I was worried that his take on the group was skewed and that he wasn’t gaining perspective, but he was backsliding into oblivion.
I remember telling him that I felt he had joined this Alanon group for the wrong reasons and he got very angry with me.
Soon he began to experience bad vibes in his daily life and things started to happen that he didn’t understand. After some time he found that not everyone in the group was nice to him. He found out things about his new girlfriend that made him unhappy. Soon people in the group stopped listening to him and suddenly he was back where he started. Nothing had changed. He hadn’t gotten “better” at all.
I think that by repeatedly putting his story out into the Universe, he had successfully surrounded himself with the misery of others. His life became full of the same pain he used on a daily basis to rule his life and his decisions. He hadn’t grown from this experience because he wasn’t trying to change his behavior. He was merely looking for a new audience.
Does that sound healthy to you? Does this sound like he’s put anything behind him, or is he reliving his past over and over everyday? How much energy does that take away from him?
If you have drama, you bring drama.
We all need to move past our stories. We need to realize that, yes, this happened to us, but it doesn’t have to rule the rest of our lives. We need to find another way of living because living in the past will never allow you to enjoy and start living in your present, your here and now.
I’ve just shared part of my past with you about my friend. Do you feel sorry for him? Or are you saying to yourself…
Whenever I write about a memory, such as this one, I have an internal conversation with myself. I re-read what I’ve written and compare it to what I’m doing in my here and now.
What is my purpose in writing this blog? I want to tell my own stories.
Am I re-hashing events from my own life and sharing it with people far and wide? Yes, I am.
Is there anyone present that is giving me a reality check? No, there are no professional counselors present and the only feedback I receive is if someone happens along and leaves me a comment.
Have I surrounded myself with the misery of others? Perhaps I have. I know I invite everyone to share their stories with me.
Am I not just as guilty of attention seeking as my friend was? If the thrill I get whenever I know someone has read my writings is any indication, then yes, I am guilty as charged.
Some of my friends have asked me why I write in this blog and I have told them that to me, to get it out of my head and into print, is therapeutic. I pay my metaphorical dollar and I get the attention of an entire group of people and I tell my stories…and I feel good about myself once I’m done. I guess that is the most important part of this exercise, to feel good afterwards.
I hold people up to certain standards. I have expectations. If I am to analyze and observe the bad behavior of others, isn’t it also my responsibility to offer something constructive in return? Without this expectation of myself to give back, is my blogging prowess just another form of mental masturbation?
food for thought…chicken soup.
- Chicken Soup for the Blog (melissabrotherton.com)
- It matters what you believe (johnmeunier.wordpress.com)
- Can you keep a secret? (fairyfleur.wordpress.com)
- Share a Story~touch a Heart (4roguewriters.wordpress.com)
- “Just Married” by Tony Earley (marquean.wordpress.com)
- Inherent Hypocrisy (heavenboundpkay.wordpress.com)
- Just Write the Story (advancedfictionwriting.com)
- Began writing it..! (expressionsofawriter.wordpress.com)
- A New Contest- Story Writing! *STICKY POST* (iyn716cpcheats.wordpress.com)