I get so nervous right before the first face to face meeting with a date. It’s a wonder I don’t break out in hives minutes before walking through the door so my potential Lothario can see the real me. The me that’s underneath whatever self confidence I’m pretending I have.
For the last few years I have experienced some of the lowest self esteem and body issues. I kick myself when I’m down on a daily basis. I can show you the scuff marks on the toes of my boots if you don’t believe me.
What if I’m not pretty enough? Will he think that I’m too fat? Are my boobs too small? What if he hates the way I dress? Do I have on too much makeup? The list of personal inadequacies I can load onto my back is infinite. I am my own worst critic.
I have a confession to make today though. This dating gig has given me a new perspective. I never knew it could feel like this to be me. Why didn’t someone tell me it was like this in the dating world? I feel like I’ve discovered the Fountain of Beauty in the eyes of the beholders, my last few dates.
I’m not kidding! My last few dates, while not making the grade as potential boyfriends, have left me feeling desirable, coveted, A M A Z I N G!! And most of them are guys that I never thought would ask a girl like me out on a date! Two of them begged and pleaded with me to give them a second and then a third chance to prove they were worthy. I couldn’t believe it! Really? Me? You want to chase after me?
Should I feel awful for feeling so good?
Yeah, well I’m not letting go of this feeling for a long time. It feels like heaven on earth. Never again will I tell myself I’m not pretty enough. Never again will I wonder if my body is attractive. I refuse to continue feeling like the ugly duckling because you know what? I’m not.
I never knew that dating could have this kind of affect on my attitude. I was so afraid it would have the opposite and I would feel even worse about myself than I did. Seeing myself through eyes other than my own and seeing desire just beneath the surface of the baby blues starring back at me is good medicine for this battered soul.
Even if it takes me years to find my next boyfriend the rewards I’m reaping on a personal level are totally worth the wait. I don’t know what I did to make the Dating Goddess happy enough to spare me, but I’m finally beginning to feel secure and confident with who I am.
Oh, looky there! It’s the restaurant where I’m meeting my next date. Checking the mirror now and Nope, no hives here! Got to run now and see what love has in store for me today. See you later!
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