I met a guy that lives in my neighborhood and I dated him. And he lives with his Mom, which is okay, I guess. Except the whole affair was short lived and it flopped. Now I feel awful every time I see him. I’ve even started trying to avoid seeing him out in the neighborhood, but it’s hard to do.
He is so nice and such a lovely person. He did everything right! He left me sweet notes on my front door. He brought me bouquets of my favorite flowers that he had picked himself. He packed picnics for us and he adored my daughter. It was idyllic. It was heaven.
Do you remember the one scene in that Mel Gibson movie, What a Woman Wants? Mel’s character gets electrocuted and suddenly he can hear women’s thoughts, so he becomes this super-evolved man and knows just how to treat a woman. There is this one scene where he is in bed with the woman from the coffee shop and he listens to her thoughts and he does everything she wants, perfectly.
That was this guy. We went on a couple of great dates. I really liked him and he really liked me. We were doing so well together.
Then he liked me more than I was ready for.
I realized that all of the crap I’ve been hearing all these years about The Chase was really true. I thought I hated The Chase, but the thrill of The Chase became an itch I wanted to scratch.
You might wonder why I would be pining for The Chase when I was obviously being adored and doted on by a man who was indeed chasing after me. That wasn’t it. I wanted to be doing the chasing!
I became critical of my new love’s sappiness. I wanted him to stop being such a girl! When did that happen? When did I start wishing he would try harder to make me want him? And why was it happening?
Why do people like the thrill of The Chase?
According to , men enjoy it because everything is fresh and mysterious. When dating commences and the new details about the woman are few and far between, the interest wears thin too. The Chase means you’re still single, you’re still out there, you’re still in the game. The Chase means you haven’t given up, given in, sold out. The Chase means you’re still young, vital, and still vibrant. It’s exciting! Who wouldn’t want to feel all of those things?
I wanted to still feel those things! I wanted to Chase!
I don’t know if my system overloaded with testosterone, or if I was just really not into this guy, but I gave in to my primal need and I broke it off with him. I told him it wasn’t going to work for us. And he surprised me with his reaction to being dumped. I thought he would go all dude-like and act like it was no big deal. Perhaps he would try to pretend it was his idea like most guys do.
But he wouldn’t let me go!
That’s when I found out how needy and girly a man can get. He was as clingy as plastic wrap. I wasn’t sure how long I could manage his whines before I stopped trying to let him down gently and just dropped his ass like a hot potato.
I guess now I should make a true confession to you readers. (I slept with him) I know! I know! But I couldn’t help it! It was the call of the wild and like I told you, he did everything right! The sex was awesome! But it was also a huge hindrance when it came to breaking it off with him because he used it against me!
His Text: I wish I’d never slept with you! It all seems like a huge waste of time now! It hurts so much! Can’t we work this out? I love you!
How do you respond to that? How do I channel enough dude-ness to answer a text message like that? Guys get messages like this all the time. How do they do it? Does it require a certain amount of callousness to tell a woman you’re just not into her?
Or is it that men are just better at compartmentalizing?
In the future I have a few new rules for my dating self:
1. Don’t sleep with the guy until I’m sure, absolutely sure, that we have some kind of a future.
2. Don’t date guys in my neighborhood.
I think those two new rules can keep me from having to wear a disguise every time I need to leave my house and keep me from making this mistake twice.
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