Divorced, not Desperate

When men get divorced and re-enter the dating scene, they have a ready made network of dating potential. Their single buddies are all waiting in the wings for him to become newly available so they can all hit the bars and pick up chicks. They never ask about the ex-wife, except to make some insulting observation. They never want to know why the man couldn’t make his marriage work or what will happen to the children. No. It’s just a mass of back slapping, aren’t you lucky kind of acceptance.

It’s almost like the ex-wives were nothing more than housekeepers or babysitters, or live-in slaves for the mighty master. Simply a human being that is easily replaced or substituted. “Hey! No biggie! Now let’s get out here and get you laid!”

It doesn’t matter who this happens to, the ex-wife always looks like the loser.

Look at Jennifer Aniston. She’s America’s Sweetheart, and yet when Brad Pitt and she split up, he was praised for impregnating Angelina Jolie while America wanted to know why Jennifer was such a bitch about giving him children. Then she suffered through the whole question of whether she was barren, or not.

The women are no better about the divorced man. They “oh” and “ah” and talk about how great he looks and isn’t it wonderful that he’s back on the market. Let’s never-mind that he has a failed marriage, an ex-wife and two small children he’s supposed to support, he’s still quite a catch!

This broad acceptance of the new single status is never true for the ex-wife. When we re-renter the dating scene all anyone wants to know is “What’s wrong with her?” and “Why couldn’t she make her marriage work?” We re-enter the dating scene carrying baggage and making excuses. No one is excited to see us. Not even the newly divorced husbands. To them we’re kind of like used cars. They don’t want to date someone else’s problems. 

Talk about Double Standards!

Why am I divorced?

My husband was considerably older than me, but that’s not the reason I wanted a divorce. He’s a good man and I am still very fond of him. He’s a good father to my daughter too.

One day he just stopped trying. He stopped trying everything and just sat on the sofa in our living room. After a while he was also sleeping on the sofa in our living room. He had no motivation to even help himself. I tried everything, but nothing helped. He was just going through something, depression, anxiety, midlife crisis. I don’t know what it was, but nothing worked. So I left him and moved away with my daughter.

He worked up his motivation enough to follow me to my new place and told me he would try harder. For a while he did try. Then he ended up sitting on the sofa in my new living room. I let him work it out this time, but I gave him a deadline. There was no way I would live like this indefinitely. Finally he moved back to our old neighborhood and he’s working out his issues there.

You see? There were no beatings, no real fights, no drama. Just a man that was having trouble facing everyday life. I hope that someday soon he comes to terms with who is and shares my daughter’s childhood with me. She loves him to pieces.

The difference between the Divorced Me and the Before Marriage Me is that now I know exactly what I want and I know exactly what I will not put up with.  I’m done settling for whatever happens to come my way. This time I want a relationship with someone that is on level with me, that wants the same things out of life that I want. I want someone that is willing to compromise and be an adult. And I want someone playful and silly and willing to be adventurous. This time it will be about me and my daughter and finding that guy that wants a family and wants to share his life with us.

In the meantime, I’m still a young, vital, sexual being and I deserve to be ogled and flirted with and touched and loved. So I’m divorced and I’m back on the market and I have a plan to make a love connection!

If you read something here that struck a nerve, make a comment. I’d love to hear from you. If you’d like to read more and just strike every nerve you own, consider pressing the Follow button on my home page and get notified every single time I bang on my keyboard. Thanks for stopping by today!

About Madeline Scribes

A writer with a sense of humor. If anyone can laugh at life, it's me.
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9 Responses to Divorced, not Desperate

  1. bormes21 says:

    Great post. I love your assessment of the Divorced Me and the Before Marriage Me.


    • singlenotdesperate says:

      Thank you! I am making new discoveries about those two Mes everyday. When I was younger and dealing with body issues and being lonely, it seemed that anyone that paid attention to me was The Guy. Now I know better. I hope to keep growing and blossoming as time passes. Dating has helped me weed out a lot of misnomers I have always believed. Thank you again for stopping by and for encouraging me to keep telling my story.


  2. Michi says:

    You have a very positive outlook!!! If only more women would realize all of this as well. I’ve seen countless women fall into such awful patterns of relationships with losers. Even if there are already children from a previous marriage or relationship in the mix, they don’t bother to realize that their current shitty relationship status affects the child as well. A lot of it does stem from now figuring out what it is you want out of life, and then be willing to make sacrifices (though not at your child’s expense, if there is a child or children involved) in order to make it happen. And that includes being okay with being single until you make the right connection.


  3. Michi says:

    Sorry went on a rant there, and didn’t bother to make any corrections. What I meant by “A lot of it does stem from….” was that once you figure out what you want with a clear head, you are able to make better and more positive choices in life. “It” referring to positive dating and life choices.


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