the Geographically Unavailable date

Back when I was first married, I met the man of my dreams. I know, that sounds awful, but it happens. The problem was that I was married and he was married too. We did have a minor flirtation though. It was just flirting, nothing even remotely serious.

When my marriage ended and I was single again, I looked him up, just to see if he was available. And guess what! He was single too! We started talking on the phone a lot and exchanging emails and text messages. Then we started making plans to see each other. We wanted to start out as friends. Why ruin our long standing connection by diving headfirst into something that could leave us hating each other? 

There was just one tiny problem. We lived five hours away from each other.

At first, in the new blush of romance, a five hour drive passes in the wink of an eye. But this surge of blood to the nether regions soon wears thin and then completely wears off as the romance heats up and then cools down.

But there was no way I’d let this one get past me without giving it my very best effort! So on our first outing I filled my gas tank and I made the drive.

Our first “date” as friends was to get reacquainted. He had planned the perfect afternoon and evening. All day we gazed into each others eyes, we held hands, we talked and talked and talked. We even made plans for a future.

Silly us.

I floated back home to the tune of $5 a gallon in gas.

Once I landed, I landed hard. I had to be pragmatic about this. I have a child to consider. Am I willing to uproot her to move five hours away just for romance? Okay, well what if we just court each other from afar and be together on the weekends or on holidays? That could work, right? Would he give up his tenured employment and move here to be with us? Could I ask him to do that?

Do long distance romances really work?

Unless there is a plan in place to be together in the near future, the answer is almost always No. Of course, the couple can fool themselves that it’s working for a very long time before you realize that while he’s texting you, he’s got his other arm around a real live girl.

The only way a long-term, long distance romance ever works is if one or both of the participants is in complete denial about being in a committed relationship.Without the hope of one day living within inches of each other, you can not have a full blown romance.

Wiki-how thinks you can make it work though. They have steps to follow and advice about how to act. There’s even video that shows you things you can do together to keep the fire burning. They suggest you buy a webcam, find online games you can play together, watch a television program together and to make an effort to connect with your Long Distance Love everyday. Give your new love a personal object of yours, so when they miss you, they can hold it.

But what if there is no end in sight to the long road between you? Isn’t a healthy relationship one where you get to interact with your partner on a daily basis, in person? Isn’t that what I want for myself and for the man of my dreams?

Unfortunately, the conclusion we both reached was that we wanted to be together and not romance each other from afar. One day when we’re both available again, and we live a lot closer, we’ll give it another shot.

Until then, he will be the one I let slip away and it was only because he was geographically unavailable.

If you read something here that struck a nerve, make a comment. I’d love to hear from you. If you’d like to read more and just strike every nerve you own, consider pressing the Follow button on my home page and get notified every single time I bang on my keyboard. Thanks for stopping by today!

About Madeline Scribes

A writer with a sense of humor. If anyone can laugh at life, it's me.
This entry was posted in All kinds of Advice and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to the Geographically Unavailable date

  1. Regyna Longlank says:

    O yah, I know Geo Unavailable (pronounced Un-Avail-A-Be-A-Blay natch). We have dated several times actually. The thing about him is you can exercise your I-actually-want-someone-in-my-grill-again muscles without actually having to deal with someone up in your face. I know, that is what relationships are but once you’ve been in one bad enough for long enough and you have come to the conclusion that it is better to be alone than to be in a relationship with the wrong person, well, it takes some time to get over that feeling. Ok, it takes some men to get over that feeling. Maybe a lot of men. Ok, maybe that was just me!

    The need to be in a relationship and the desire to be close with someone you love doesn’t go away just because you feel hurt and you don’t want to take the risk. A long-distance love can fill the emotional holes, and a few of the physical ones here and there perhaps, but you don’t really have to worry about it turning into something real. He’s not going to show up at your work unexpectedly to say hi and ask you out to lunch. You will have several hours to prepare mentally for any encounter, and no surprise visits. You see what I’m saying, it’s safe. I do want someone actually in my life, and I’ve finally gotten to the place where I can handle having someone in my life as well. My life can handle someone in it. Sounds like you got there a lot faster…good for you, but take your time. Buy the cow slowly so you don’t end up with milky remorse…


  2. Too true, Regyna. I’m sorry things didn’t work out for you two, but you are so right on that there’s no way to make a long distance relationship really work without one or the other moving.

    But yeah, I do also totally understand the safety factor of keeping one at arm’s length – and going about as fast as I did in high school.


    • singlenotdesperate says:

      Thank you Kinkylittlegirl 🙂 I’m going to be seeing him again soon. We are great friends and that is always the nicest way to start a relationship. You have to be good friends first. *sigh* he’s so right for me and yet he’s so far away.


  3. Oops, sorry; I just discovered that this blog has multiple authors!


    • Regyna Longlank says:

      ah, no worries. that’s the one suck thing about this template, if I don’t buy the upgrade I can’t turn on the byline feature. thanks for stopping by!


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