Back when I was first married, I met the man of my dreams. I know, that sounds awful, but it happens. The problem was that I was married and he was married too. We did have a minor flirtation though. It was just flirting, nothing even remotely serious.
When my marriage ended and I was single again, I looked him up, just to see if he was available. And guess what! He was single too! We started talking on the phone a lot and exchanging emails and text messages. Then we started making plans to see each other. We wanted to start out as friends. Why ruin our long standing connection by diving headfirst into something that could leave us hating each other?
There was just one tiny problem. We lived five hours away from each other.
At first, in the new blush of romance, a five hour drive passes in the wink of an eye. But this surge of blood to the nether regions soon wears thin and then completely wears off as the romance heats up and then cools down.
But there was no way I’d let this one get past me without giving it my very best effort! So on our first outing I filled my gas tank and I made the drive.
Our first “date” as friends was to get reacquainted. He had planned the perfect afternoon and evening. All day we gazed into each others eyes, we held hands, we talked and talked and talked. We even made plans for a future.
I floated back home to the tune of $5 a gallon in gas.
Once I landed, I landed hard. I had to be pragmatic about this. I have a child to consider. Am I willing to uproot her to move five hours away just for romance? Okay, well what if we just court each other from afar and be together on the weekends or on holidays? That could work, right? Would he give up his tenured employment and move here to be with us? Could I ask him to do that?
Do long distance romances really work?
Unless there is a plan in place to be together in the near future, the answer is almost always No. Of course, the couple can fool themselves that it’s working for a very long time before you realize that while he’s texting you, he’s got his other arm around a real live girl.
The only way a long-term, long distance romance ever works is if one or both of the participants is in complete denial about being in a committed relationship.Without the hope of one day living within inches of each other, you can not have a full blown romance.
Wiki-how thinks you can make it work though. They have steps to follow and advice about how to act. There’s even video that shows you things you can do together to keep the fire burning. They suggest you buy a webcam, find online games you can play together, watch a television program together and to make an effort to connect with your Long Distance Love everyday. Give your new love a personal object of yours, so when they miss you, they can hold it.
But what if there is no end in sight to the long road between you? Isn’t a healthy relationship one where you get to interact with your partner on a daily basis, in person? Isn’t that what I want for myself and for the man of my dreams?
Unfortunately, the conclusion we both reached was that we wanted to be together and not romance each other from afar. One day when we’re both available again, and we live a lot closer, we’ll give it another shot.
Until then, he will be the one I let slip away and it was only because he was geographically unavailable.
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