by Single not Desperate
I will confess that there are some mornings I wake up and race to my computer monitor to check my Match.com account now. When I’m in the midst of connecting with a guy on there that I think I’d really like, the thrill of this small bit of electronic communication becomes part of the courting ritual.
My,my, how times have changed.
My account uploads groups of potential matches for me each day. I peruse the group and if I see someone interesting I might wink at him or send him a message. Because I live in a small town, there are often guys that I already know in there. Old neighbors, a parent from my daughter’s school, etc. One time an old neighbor sent me a wink. I was intrigued so I sent him a message back asking if he remembered me. Evidently he didn’t remember me when he winked, because when I re-introduced myself he blew me off.
This leads me to my next bit of advice; don’t take any of the initial contacts personally. I know that’s a hard pill to swallow, but believe me, if you start out with your eyes open and your demeanor confident, you’ll last much longer without becoming a sniveling wreak of rejected flesh. You can’t sit around wondering “What did I do wrong?” or “What’s wrong with me?” because honey, it’s never about you.
I have been on Match.com having a back and forth exchange on their email server with a guy that lasted six or seven days, then out of nowhere he drops off the face of the earth. I know it wasn’t anything I did. He could have met someone else in person, his subscription could have expired or he could have died for all I know.
One guy sent me this really sweet email saying he had looked at my profile and would like to connect so I went to look at his profile. The first paragraph of his I’m Looking For said; “If I send you a message, please respond. Even if it’s to tell me you’re not interested. Please be courteous.” So I responded that I’d like to get together. Two weeks went by and he never answered me. How rude! After demanding a response to his advances he doesn’t even respond to my acquiescence? That perplexed me, but instead of allowing this to pass, I sent him another message. I literally cut and pasted his I’m Looking For in my message and told him that he had not responded to me. He wrote back and told me he was very sorry about that and I was right, but he had met someone. He wished me luck in my continued search and then took his profile down. You see? It wasn’t me, he had just made a love connection.
Some people are going to respond and some people aren’t. Once you make that realization and acceptance, you’ll do just fine. Don’t sit around and kick yourself. Get out there and keep searching and keep making connections. You never know which one will be The One.
Not everyone on there is someone I want to make a connection with. I have entangled some creepy ones. When that happens Match.com has a very convenient feature that lets you block profiles that you don’t want contacting you. Use it!
Take the time to actually read the profiles. I have a rule that if a profile starts out with anything that sounds even remotely like this; “I’m not looking for drama…” I just keep looking elsewhere. Usually a profile will tell you things that they never meant to tell you if you just read between the lines. This kind of information about drama means that most likely the person does like drama and it follows them everywhere, even into the dating scene. I avoid these profiles and you should too.
There are also some neat features that will show you how active a profile is. It shows you how often a person is on. For instance, if I see a profile I like and I send him a message and I don’t hear from him, I can see if perhaps he just hasn’t been on the service in a while. If he has been online and he hasn’t responded to my message in a while, then I move on.
You have stats that show you how often your profile is viewed and who looked at it. If you’re honest in the information you enter on your profile and you find someone that looks at you repeatedly, then they definitely have an interest. You can either wait for them to contact you, or send them a wink. That’s up to you.
The pictures you post are also important. You never want to put up some Photoshopped glamor shot only to show up for your date looking like, well, looking like yourself, which is not Photoshopped. Post several different shots of yourself, some complimentary and some not so much. You never know. Your body type might not be what they’re looking for. They may like blonds or really skinny women or short gals with big hips or flat chests. You just never know. Be yourself in pictures because the person going on that date will be You.
I’m dating every weekend now thanks to Match.com. I don’t think I would be this active on the dating scene if it weren’t for them. The best part of this is that I already know that the person I’m meeting is also looking for fun and perhaps a girlfriend because they’re online actively doing something about it.
Even f you’re not sure about using an online service, it never hurts to just give it a try. If you’re single and you’re lonely, what do you have to lose?
Gotta go now! A cute guy just “winked” at me!
- I wink and then you wink, Flirting 2.0 (madelinescribes.wordpress.com)
- More on Match.com! (lucindaw.wordpress.com)
- Random Match Musings (theblindleadingtheblonde.wordpress.com)
- Match.com Review (clickfire.com)
- Match.com (lucindaw.wordpress.com)
- SoCal woman blames dating website for rape (abclocal.go.com)
- How to Flirt on Dating Websites (datingwebsites.org)
- Data-Driven Online Dating Tips for Execs (businessinsider.com)