by Madeline Laughs
This has to be the worst position for two friends to ever end up in. What do you do? How do you manage to stay friends? It’s tough.
There was one time when I just knew my husband and my friend didn’t like each other. They were constantly bickering and the one thing I could say to my husband that was sure to produce a groan or a pout was “Hey, we’re going to dinner tonight with my friend and her husband.” One night we were on our way to dinner together. She was driving and her husband was in the front seat. My husband and I were in the back seat. She was talking about something and my husband made a smart remark. She whipped the steering wheel to the right and stopped the car. Then she glared at him in the rear view mirror and asked him if he’d like to walk to the restaurant.
I had to jump in the middle, soothe her hurt feelings and try to calm him down too. Later that night, when we got home, he asked me, “Why are you always on her side?” I wasn’t on her side, I was just trying to keep things peaceful. But between the two, my husband’s feelings were much more important to me.
For someone in my position, the middle, this was a difficult friendship to manage. The fact was that I wasn’t managing it. I adored her and we always had so much fun together, but I wanted to be able to go out as couples with she and her husband. Sadly, this was not ever going to work.
What ended up happening with us? Well, we aren’t friends at all now, that’s what. She finally let her dislike of my husband spill over into our friendship and let all of her resentment about it loose on me one afternoon. I was shocked and I was very hurt. She stopped speaking to me and she never apologized for being so mean. It’s been years since this happened and when I saw her on Facebook recently I sent her a friend request and asked if we could be friends again. She never responded.
Not managing this friendship better, cost me her friendship. Evidently for her, this was something that could never be repaired.
Often your friend will never know whether or not your spouse hates them. If your spouse hates your friend, but your friend isn’t aware of it, should you tell them? Well, you have to ask yourself if this would help, or hinder the situation. I’m going to say “No” on this one. I would keep this to myself, unless my friend specifically asked me about it. There’s no need to hurt your friend’s feelings.
Unless your spouse is a control freak, they shouldn’t have a problem with the two of you having different friends. If they don’t like your friend because they think the friend is a bad influence on you or a detriment to your marriage, that’s a whole other problem. If this is the case then you both are better off keeping some distance or finding another friend.
I guess if you have a friend who’s spouse doesn’t like you, then you have some decisions to make. You can continue being friends unless it causes problems in your friend’s marriage, or you can back off altogether. Be there for your friend if they need you and let them know that they can always count on you. If you respect and love your friend, you should also realize that your friend’s marriage is probably more important than you are.
- Friendship (jackzeng.wordpress.com)
- Secrets: Should you tell your friend her husband’s been unfaithful? (psychologytoday.com)
- My Tuesday Thoughts – Friendships (terri0729.wordpress.com)
- Love & Respect (reneamac.com)
- What do you do if you are always the third wheel in a friendship (wiki.answers.com)
- Friendship (zisianthus.wordpress.com)
- Losing a Friend (shyannjagger.wordpress.com)
- How to Make Friends (socyberty.com)