Dating in Reality

Little Black Dress

Image via Wikipedia

by Single Not Desperate

People re-entering the dating arena all tell little white lies about themselves. I think it has something to do with being insecure about being back out there on the market again. We all want to make ourselves look a little better than we think we are to the opposite sex.

I have become the Sherlock Holmes of dating profiles over the last few months and have found out that you can not judge a date by his profile. You will always find out something that contradicts what you’ve read. Sometimes you can’t even believe the pictures you’ve seen.

For instance, take a look at this profile description;

“I have designed a lifestyle which allows me to play hard when I want and work creatively so it seems like I am still having fun. I follow my instincts. Honesty and strong values seemed a natural part of my imprinting years. So I guess you could consider me to be an honest, hardworking artist who has never really outgrown his desire to go out and have fun. I enjoy sunsets from the water or from a skyline. I am constantly hoping to improve my perspective and I have a good idea on what areas of my life need adjusting. My favorite shoes are my flip flops but I always have a good pair of Italian leather shoes on hand to dress up my blue jeans. I am looking for a women who appreciates herself and her life. She should like to be spontaneous and not be afraid to go somewhere off the beaten path and try something new. A women who is comfortable camping and also likes to slip into her favorite little black dress for a decadent night out.” 

What did you get from reading that? Here’s what I understood; He has creative work, possibly in the entertainment field. He had a great childhood and believes honesty is the best policy. He sounds romantic and he seems to be an evolved man that isn’t afraid to talk about his feelings. He sounds like he’s healthy in his body and in his mind. He’s a snazzy dresser and he likes for his woman to be able to dress up too. Perhaps some fine dining is a great first date with this guy? He also sounds adventurous and outdoorsy! I like camping! OMG! He sounds perfectly dreamy! I can’t wait to meet him!

So I pushed my wink button and sent him a message.

His facade started to crumble on our first date.

I showed up in my little black dress and heels! He showed up wearing blue jeans that had seen their better days decades ago, and flip flops. When I teased him about his leather Italian dress shoes, he told me he didn’t own a pair and acted confused that I’d ask such a silly question.

I wonder,  did he actually write his own profile description?

The first part of the date started out great. Then we started talking about why we were dating again. I spent five minutes talking about my divorce and he spent the rest of the evening talking about his. After eight years of marriage, his wife had secretly cheated on him for six months before he found out about it. She left him and actually married the guy she had cheated with. Now they were living happily in the big house with the white picket fence, and he was bitterly starting to date again.

Our first date meal was appetizers, which he was very clear about because he said he couldn’t afford to pay for a dinner. When I offered to pay for my own dinner and told him I didn’t assume he would pick up the check, he was fine with that. But he still only ordered appetizers, so I only ordered appetizers too.

Why couldn’t he pay for a dinner, even for himself? Because he was unemployed. I guess that lifestyle he designed wasn’t working out so well for him after all.

At the end of the evening he kissed me goodnight. Then he started to cry. I had never known one of my kisses could provoke such a response so I asked him what was wrong. That was my third mistake of the evening. He said he would have to wait before we could be intimate because he was suffering from an illness. What?!!

First of all, it’s our first date! Did he really assume we would be intimate on our first date? Um, well yes, he kind of did. His last first date ended up in the bedroom, so why wouldn’t this one? I told him perhaps he was dating the wrong girl, but he back pedaled and apologized.

Now, what was this illness? I wondered as I rubbed the back of my hand across my lips with vigor. It was Irritable Bowel Syndrome and he had no problems telling me every last gory detail of what was happening inside of his colon while wiping tears from his cheeks and snot from his upper lip.

Oh lordy! I felt awful standing there while he came unglued right in front of me. I tried to comfort him, but this only gave him the impression that I was inviting him to spend the night with me. Eventually I got him to calm down and we said goodnight.

The next week he blew my phone up daily, hourly. He would call and text every five minutes. And I’m not exaggerating. My email Inbox was filled with long-winded emails waxing poetic about his life. He resented his mother. Women had been doing him wrong all of his life. He felt he had a drinking problem so he was going to start going to AA.Then he wrote that AA was a crock. He met a girl walking her dog that had nice tits. He thought I had nicer tits. Okay, ew. And on and on and on. It was never ending  and kind of psychotic.

I was able to dodge him enough that he grew bored with me and finally moved on. I’m sure the next woman is in for an even bigger roller coaster ride than I had because now he could add one more woman that had betrayed him to his pile.

My point is this; date in reality. In my post How does Match.com work? I talk about posting pictures that look nothing like the real you. The same is true for your profile description. Be as real as you can be without being a jerk about it.

It’s like I told you before; the person going on the date, the person that has to show up, is You.


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About Madeline Scribes

A writer with a sense of humor. If anyone can laugh at life, it's me.
This entry was posted in All kinds of Advice and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Dating in Reality

  1. Lisa says:

    Wow! That’s about all I can say. Good luck out there.

    Like

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