Eating my own Words *burp!*

by Madeline Laughs
Delete key on PC keyboard

Image via Wikipedia

I was in the middle of writing a blog post late last night about people that actively blog just to hurt other people. The people that write nasty blogs filled with gossip and mean statements about other people in their lives. I had literally banged out keystroke after keystroke of indignation and even rattled off an email to my writing partner about the post I was writing. I was filled with righteousness and marching in a parade of my tirade.

Then I froze in mid keystroke. I realized that perhaps I might be guilty of doing the same thing.

I sighed.

dammit. 

I went to the administrative section of the blog and filtered all of the 300 some odd posts to find just mine. And yes, there they were. I was guilty.

So now I can justify my behavior by stating that everything I have written is done anonymously. However, most of my friends already know who I am if they read this blog. So that’s kind of moot.

Okay, but I don’t name anyone, right? Well gee, if you know me well enough, it’s not hard to figure out who I’m talking about, is it? Moot, moot, moot.

I went back to my new blog post and re-read some of the finer points I had made. Dam, I had a great argument going! I had droned on about the difference between writing about what had actually happened to you, and spreading gossip that you had overheard. Granted, those are two very different issues and worth noting.

I have written about stuff that has actually happened to me, with one exception.

I went back and revisited one particular blog post that was mostly about me, but mostly about someone else. And I had to hit the Edit button. I took out everything that hadn’t happened to me. It was still a viable post, but considerably shorter now. Hm. Had I just eaten my own words?

If I can’t live up to my own standards, then how can I make a point? If I expect other people to feel ashamed for blogging about mean stuff, then how is it okay for me to do it? I edited some more stuff. Then I went back to my blog post about mean bloggers and I hit the Delete key. It wasn’t going to fly. I was too conflicted.

My writing partner was quick to respond with words of encouragement. She said;

“It’s a line you have to walk between getting it off your chest and getting what you want. You are much more honest and braver than me. Sometimes I am like, “oh my but it takes guts to be unpolitically correct and I think it’s good.”  But carefully.”

“Honest and braver” is code for ballsy, I think 🙂 And she’s right. It takes guts to put it out there and to have an opinion that differs from the masses. I know that both of us persevere to represent some kind of truth in our writing. Her advice to proceed with caution is good advice and some I will be taking from here on out.

The fact is this, I don’t want my hands tied when it comes to expressing myself. Sometimes my expressions aren’t pretty. All I can do is strive to be a better writer and to convey messages in a light that doesn’t leave me standing naked and exposed and hypocritical. I really try to be a good person. Being hurtful and making fun of someone or laughing at someone’s expense is not part of my agenda on here.

If the person or persons I write about read them and see themselves then I really hope they get the message I’m sending. I do try to be a part of the solution, rather than the mouthpiece for continued dissent. If someone reads it and sees themselves in a post that isn’t about them, then perhaps they were in there all along and I just didn’t know it. Maybe it will help them. And maybe sometimes, it will just piss them off. I can’t control that. I can only control myself.

That’s about all I am willing to do right now. I blog for me. Some days that means I get to have the last word.

And some days I just have to eat my own words. Burp!

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About Madeline Scribes

A writer with a sense of humor. If anyone can laugh at life, it's me.
This entry was posted in All kinds of Advice. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Eating my own Words *burp!*

  1. Aligaeta says:

    Getting things off my chest had been the motive behind my posts of the ‘freshie’, my seventeen year old daughter, going off track. Months later I was slammed by her friends, replies too vial to let go, I deleted them, and decided to suspend writing of subjects concerning my children. I don’t like censoring others nor censoring myself, after all it is my anonymous blog, and I shouldn’t have to defend myself to defiant adolescents regarding my parenting choices.

    It’s a good thing that I have so many other topics to write about. But, I am angered having lost another avenue to communicate my views to my daughter, leaving her to only the voice of her peers.

    Then we have to ask ourselves… Do we ever really have freedom of speech? Is freedom of speech something really want?

    Like

    • Oh Aligaeta! That is disheartening to read. I went through something similar, only in reverse.

      A young woman was blogging some horrendous lies and gossip about me and my family, so I tried to reason with her online by commenting on her blog posts. She refused to post my original comments, which was her prerogative and right, and instead she re-worded everything I had written to her, and made me sound like a monster. Then she encouraged the few readers she had to post inflammatory comments about me.

      I finally figured it all out. And I realized what a huge waste of time it was going to be trying to salvage something that was never even there.

      In her was a deep, cavernous need to feel superior, to feel better about herself. She was only processing her thoughts and I should never have taken what she wrote to heart. It was never about me at all. It was about how she was choosing to deal with her own life. Her jealousy and her insecurity came across like screams with every word she posted.

      I hope I never have to feel that low or be that petty.

      I applaud your attempt to speak to your daughter through your posts. Sometimes we can get a point across that might be missed when we’re speaking out loud. Teenagers can be vicious, but I hope you’ll reconsider your posts to your daughter and ignore the meanness of her friends.

      One day she’ll be thankful that she meant enough to you for you to put it in writing.

      Like

  2. Lisa says:

    I think that many of us express ourselves better through the written word, that’s why we blog. But, sometimes that written word is harsh even if honest. I know that I have used my blog as a place to vent occasionally, and perhaps I have had specific targets in mind. In those instances I try, if possible, to relate what I perceive as someone else’s wrong or stupidity to the bigger picture–so the individual represents the larger problem. It doesn’t always work, and sometimes people know exactly who or what I am talking about. But, here’s the funny thing, usually the person I am talking about has no clue–because he/she either does not read or refuses to see that his/her behavior might be flawed.

    I guess what I am trying to say is that you have to write from the heart with honesty, and not worry about what people think. If they reject you, do you really want them to be part of your life. This doesn’t mean be cruel, it just means write.

    Like

    • Lisa you are absolutely right…write! 🙂 We have found throughout this exercise in providing commentary and working through issues that the people we’ve written about definitely do not see themselves in any of our posts. And because this platform has continued to be a healthy and safe place for others with their own stories to come and share their them, it seems many of them get it out, feel much better and then move on.

      I think as long as we’re looking forward without spending too much time looking backward, we’ll be okay. And the folks that reject us can keep moving forward on whatever path they’re on too.

      Thanks for stopping by. I like your perspective 🙂

      Like

  3. Aligaeta says:

    Look at this, I stopped by to thank you for the ping-back and got so enthralled by your post, I missed including it in my comment. Thank you.

    And I wanted to add that although I had a difficult experience with my daughter’s friends comments, after thinking it through and commenting here I’ve reconsidered future posts about my daughter. If her friends feel the need to vent disparaging remarks I can just ignore their comments. They have gotten in the way enough!

    I shouldn’t let them keep me from writing or let them interfere with my parenting. The ‘freshie’ has made comments regarding missing ‘her’ posts. I told her I was taking a break, never mentioning the rudeness of her friends.

    Like

  4. Pingback: No Mean allowed | Spread Information

  5. Pingback: No Mean allowed | Madeline Scribes

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