No Mean allowed

Angry man

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The thought of purposefully being mean to someone with absolutely no provocation, gives me a twinge. It is not a good feeling to me. I don’t revel in it.

Some folks, on the other hand, like to be mean. I guess the world would not have balance without them.

When that mean nature is directed at me, I don’t think about how I can return the favor. I try to make light of it. I strive to make them laugh at themselves, or I try to make them realize what they’re doing and ask them to change their behavior. But a mean person will never give in to either of those choices. They’ll come after you even harder and they’ll even engage others to drive their point home.

What do you do? 

I tend to take a look within. You draw things to you unconsciously. It could be good or bad, but your spirit will call out for whatever it requires in order to grow and expand.

Perhaps a mean person is what you need in order to be grateful for who you are. Is this arrogance? Is this feeling one of superiority that you can look down your nose at the mean person and feel good about yourself? Would it not be a better sacrifice of your goodness, to reach out to this person that is obviously in pain, engage them and share your positivity? Would it not be better to turn the other cheek and allow them to beat on your psyche so they might not beat on the next person?

I know what you’re thinking….because I’m thinking it too.

Yeah, well I’m not Mother Teresa. I am not that nice or forgiving.

I’m only going to put up with so much meanness before I shut down and subtract it from my existence. I think all of this touchy-feely  nonsense is like snake oil. Continuing to allow the behavior is like giving them permission to just be nasty. You want me to hug you after you’ve insulted me? Want in one hand and shit in the other and then tell me which one fills up faster.

Hm. Maybe that makes me kind of mean too 🙂 I am totally okay with that.

As I’m writing this, I’m working through this issue. I’m reading back over my words and seeing this incredibly expansive logic and I’m thinking to myself “Wtf? Isn’t it just easier to walk away from this? Wouldn’t life continue to be good if I just eliminated mean people? If they’re mean it sure as hell isn’t my fault!” And that’s true, their anger is not my fault. What is my fault is my resistance in allowing them to be angry and mean.

Seriously, looking within when anger is directed at you is a great way to figure out what you’re projecting. It starts with being honest about how you really feel.  Obviously, I haven’t been ready to engage someone that is angry and being mean. My spirit must need this to continue until I release my own unforgiving attitude.

Remember what I said about balance?

Balance is all about making just as much room in your life for the unpleasant as you do for the amazing. Balance is not running away from love because you’re afraid of getting hurt. Balance is being able to appreciate what you have because you’ve seen how lucky you are to have it. Doing this will open your world to a new realm of possibilities.

I have this friend and colleague named Kay. She is positively beautiful inside and outside. She’s a surfer and she just moved to the mainland from Hawaii not long ago. She’s athletic, smart and carries herself with the grace of happiness.

She is one of the calmest, nicest people I have ever met.

Since we met we have worked together under some extremely tense circumstances. We have been exposed daily to the pressures that come from the dregs of society. We have been literally locked in a room with the insane and the murderous. Those days left us walking on the treadmills in our hotel, talking about anything, but our work. We talked about our lives and our dreams and our plans.

Those days gave us balance.

I asked her how she maintains this sense of well being on a constant plane and she told me that she doesn’t like mean people either. However you have to acknowledge them and know that they bring something to the table, no matter how detestable they might seem. They add something to your life. You don’t necessarily have to engage them, but you do have to respect them. You should give them their space and learn something about yourself from the encounter. You do not, however, need to subject yourself to any abuse in order to take something away from the experience that might help you to be a better person.


You have to know your own boundaries.

That’s important.

So today I can’t look upon someone being mean and not see something that I need to learn from it. I can’t see an angry person and hate them for it. For whatever reason, they deserve my love, my light and my respect. They have given me a valuable gift without even knowing it. They allow me to appreciate what I have and who I am. I can be grateful for that.

They give me balance.

About Madeline Scribes

A writer with a sense of humor. If anyone can laugh at life, it's me.
This entry was posted in All kinds of Advice, Personal Boundaries Primer and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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