Translating Pillow talk

by Madeline Laughs
Sexuality and gender identity-based cultures

Image via Wikipedia

I woke up at 3AM one morning drenched head to toe in sweat. I felt like I was burning alive. Then I realized that along with the muggy weather, my husband had cuddled close to me in his sleep. I reached behind me and patted his hip lightly “Sweetie, it’s hot” hoping he’d move over a bit. He moved around some and replied “Mm hmmm” and instead of giving me some space, he snuggled even closer.

I realized that something here had gotten lost in sleepy translation. I felt like I was wearing a wool coat, so I reached behind me again and gently patted his hip.

“Sweetie, it’s hot, but not sexy-hot, okay?”

He groaned and moved back over to his side of the bed. I finally went back to sleep a little less sweaty and much cooler.  I’m pretty sure he never even woke up enough to be coherent.

This episode falls in the category of Pillow Talk.

Translating pillow talk can sometimes be hard to manage, but with enough time and patience, you and your partner will soon be speaking the same language.

Knowing the difference between Pillow talk and Dirty Talk is important.  There is a huge difference between the two, but not many people are aware of that. Perhaps because they aren’t discussing it  outside of the bedroom 🙂

I was talking to one of girlfriends the other day and she had just experienced Dirty Talk at it’s worst. She had been dating this guy for a while and they had finally made it into the bedroom. “OMG! He is Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde!” she exclaimed.

Up until the moment of consummation, he presented himself as mild mannered, shy and very respectful, but once the bedroom door closed he went wild with the Dirty Talk. My girlfriend was not amused. “What happened?” I asked her.

She said the first few endearments were kind of nice and she let him know that he was headed in the right direction. Then the dam broke. “It was like sexual Tourette’s syndrome! All I heard was what he was going to lick, bite, suck and spank and for how long and with what intensity. That probably wouldn’t have been that bad, but he just kept talking and talking and talking. I just couldn’t deal with it, so I got a headache and asked him to go home.”

It’s okay to be vocal in the boudoir, but don’t overdo it. Some people are so suave with the pretty words in the bedroom, while others should really try being quiet. If you feel compelled to talk incessantly, try to remember this rule; Silence is Golden. And in this case, it just might be true.

Another girlfriend told me that in the throes of new passion a guy asked her to “Talk dirty to me”. She was completely caught off guard and at a total loss for words. “Um, okay. Um. I dunno. Um.” Is there a script for this? She finally asked the guy what he wanted to hear and he replied “Um, okay. Um. I dunno. Um.” So they continued in awkward silence.

Don’t ask for Dirty Talk, if you have no idea what Dirty Talk is. Dirty Talk can be a one-way street, but not always. Be prepared to reciprocate if this is part of the fun for you. Don’t expect your partner to carry the entire conversation.

So what exactly is Dirty Talk? I really like the Urban Dictionary definition;

1. talking with another person, describing mutual sexual activity, with the aim of causing sexual arousal

I couldn’t print #3 because it was just way too informative, if you get my drift. If you’d like to read it you can click on the link above.

Wikipedia also gives a good definition. One that is a bit more mature.
Dirty talk is the practice of using graphic word imagery to heighten sexual pleasure before and during sexual intercourse. It is commonly a part of foreplay.

So, what exactly is pillow talk? I think I like the Urban Dictionary‘s definitions best;

1. n. The conversation that happens after making out/sex. It’s infinitely better than normal conversation because there’s touching involved.
During pillow talk I asked him about his family.
2. sweet and inviting talk that really has no point, but its so good. doesn’t have to be sexual nor follow anything sexual, cute talk between those rested on pillows.
lt is something totally sweet (not sharing my pillow talk on here.)
3. Pillow Talk can be any variety of things. It can be before or after being intimate, or without that at all. The point of pillow talk, though, is for two people to enjoy each others presence through conversation, in a somewhat spontaneous way, but in a way that will let both parties go to bed with clear heads.

Wikipedia also gives a nice definition of Pillow Talk;

Pillow talk is the relaxed, intimate conversation that often occurs between two sexual partners after the act of coitus, usually accompanied by cuddling, caresses, and other physical intimacy. It is associated with sexual afterglow and is distinguished from dirty talk which usually forms part of foreplay. Pillow talk, more broadly may also refer to conversations between parties that may be of a more casual and flirting nature, and are not necessarily engaged in a physical relationship.

I dated a guy from Panama in college. When we were kissing he would whisper things in my ear in Spanish. I don’t speak Spanish and had no idea what he was saying, but really, I didn’t care. It just sounded so romantic.

Hearing sweet nothings whispered in French, Italian or Spanish are so much sweeter. I think that’s why they’re called the romance languages. Whether it’s dirty or sweet, adding an international flair to your game is awesome in my book!

No matter what language you’re speaking, you should be talking to each other if you’re engaging in a physical, intimate activity. People that aren’t talking to each other are not making a connection emotionally. If you want a healthier relationship, then start the conversation.


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About Madeline Scribes

A writer with a sense of humor. If anyone can laugh at life, it's me.
This entry was posted in All kinds of Advice and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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