by Madeline Laughs
My husband was leaving for a trip out of town one morning when I remembered a conversation I had just had with one of my girlfriends. I leaned forward on the kitchen counter as he was zipping his bag closed and I asked him “So, you’re going to be okay out there on your own for the next two weeks?” He looked up with a confused expression on his face. I had asked him an odd question, “Um, yeah. Why do you ask?” I bounced back on my heels debating rather or not I should be honest about the motivation behind my question and decided to go for it, “Well, I was talking to one of my girlfriends the other day. You know she and her husband just celebrated ten years being married, right?” He nodded. By now he had gotten up from the floor and was giving me his undivided attention. I wasn’t sure I liked that. He asked me, “And?”
My husband and I have a very honest and forthright union. Above all else, we are friends with each other. I think this is important in any relationship. We work on our marriage everyday. We don’t slack off on that work until a problem happens, we work to avoid problems, or address them right away and deal with them. Couples that wait until it explodes before they make an investment are not going to be together very long.
My friend and I had a similar conversation when she volunteered how she kept her man from straying outside of the marriage. I have to admit, my husband straying outside of the marriage, is not the first thing I think about when I think about our marriage, but I listened. She said that she makes it a point to “get on her man” at least two to three times a week.
This kind of scared me. How in the world was I going to get on my husband two or three times a week? He and I both travel for work so much during certain seasons that some months we might see each other for two days.
I tried to calculate the number of times we’d have to have sex to make up for the travel days. It was a Holy Crap number.
I shuffled my feet, then I made eye contact, “Well, my girlfriend said that she makes a point of having sex with her husband two or three times a week, every week, and well, you’re leaving for two weeks so that gives us kind of a deficit.” My husband howled with laughter! “Sweetie! We’ve been together a long time! Almost twice as long as your girlfriend and her husband. I think we’re okay.” and he hugged me.
Strangely, I wasn’t reassured by this.
First of all, when you start treating sex like a chore, it becomes one. All of those little things that get you so excited about being together start to lose their specialness. The physiological need to come together is a primal one and it is also an expression of how you feel about your mate. What bothered me most about this new direction my sex life could take was that I wasn’t willing to put that on a schedule. Somehow to me, this just felt all wrong. My spontaneous would be completely out of whack!
The only thing you should be concerned with was being there whenever my mate wanted me to be there and that he should do the same for me. If we’re doing that, then we’re okay.
So, there ya have it! Sex on a schedule…not cool.
- Getting help with the marriage (funtasticus.com)
- When your Friend’s Husband Hates You (madelinescribes.wordpress.com)
- Women today. (mayjeanc.wordpress.com)
- Is It Cheating to Have a “Work Husband? (relationshipvoice.wordpress.com)
- How Public Is Marriage? (andrewsullivan.thedailybeast.com)
- Is Monogamy Obsolete? New Books Challenge Our Ideas of Fidelity (thegreatone22.wordpress.com)
- Love: Tell friend boyfriend is cheating? (boston.com)
- Keeping Marriage Alive with Affairs, Asexuality, Polyamory, and Living Apart (psychologytoday.com)
- Here Is Another Great Blog To Subscribe To For Your Marriage (rantsandrage.com)
- “I Want To Tell My Husband That I Want An Open Relationship” (hellobeautiful.com)
- Are you a Good Wife (Please treat this belongs to 1850 to 1950) (asbabu.com)
- The power of a question (dougterpening.com)
- How do you know when someone loves you?…How do you know when you love yourself? (raeleneroth.wordpress.com)
- Five Things it Means When He Says He Wants Space: (iamlaylajames.wordpress.com)
- When I went back into the closet (salon.com)
- Marry Me (weddingbee.com)