Sex on a schedule

A contemporary French print of an English wife...

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by Madeline Laughs

My husband was leaving for a trip out of town one morning when I remembered a conversation I had just had with one of my girlfriends. I leaned forward on the kitchen counter as he was zipping his bag closed and I asked him “So, you’re going to be okay out there on your own for the next two weeks?” He looked up with a confused expression on his face. I had asked him an odd question, “Um, yeah. Why do you ask?” I bounced back on my heels debating rather or not I should be honest about the motivation behind my question and decided to go for it, “Well, I was talking to one of my girlfriends the other day. You know she and her husband just celebrated ten years being married, right?” He nodded. By now he had gotten up from the floor and was giving me his undivided attention. I wasn’t sure I liked that. He asked me, “And?”

My husband and I have a very honest and forthright union. Above all else, we are friends with each other. I think this is important in any relationship. We work on our marriage everyday. We don’t slack off on that work untilย  a problem happens, we work to avoid problems, or address them right away and deal with them. Couples that wait until it explodes before they make an investment are not going to be together very long.ย 

My friend and I had a similar conversation when she volunteered how she kept her man from straying outside of the marriage. I have to admit, my husband straying outside of the marriage, is not the first thing I think about when I think about our marriage, but I listened. She said that she makes it a point to “get on her man” at least two to three times a week.

This kind of scared me. How in the world was I going to get on my husband two or three times a week? He and I both travel for work so much during certain seasons that some months we might see each other for two days.

I tried to calculate the number of times we’d have to have sex to make up for the travel days. It was a Holy Crap number.

I shuffled my feet, then I made eye contact, “Well, my girlfriend said that she makes a point of having sex with her husband two or three times a week, every week, and well, you’re leaving for two weeks so that gives us kind of a deficit.” My husband howled with laughter! “Sweetie! We’ve been together a long time! Almost twice as long as your girlfriend and her husband. I think we’re okay.” and he hugged me.

Strangely, I wasn’t reassured by this.

First of all, when you start treating sex like a chore, it becomes one. All of those little things that get you so excited about being together start to lose their specialness. The physiological need to come together is a primal one and it is also an expression of how you feel about your mate. What bothered me most about this new direction my sex life could take was that I wasn’t willing to put that on a schedule. Somehow to me, this just felt all wrong. My spontaneous would be completely out of whack!

The only thing you should be concerned with was being there whenever my mate wanted me to be there and that he should do the same for me. If we’re doing that, then we’re okay.

So, there ya have it! Sex on a schedule…not cool.

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About Madeline Scribes

A writer with a sense of humor. If anyone can laugh at life, it's me.
This entry was posted in All kinds of Advice and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Sex on a schedule

  1. Regyna Longlank says:

    I had completely forgotten about that conversation. I love getting to the end of the story and finding out I’m the smarty pants! What a great reminder.

    I’d like to add to that ‘if it’s humanly possible’. There may be times when you just can’t be there for each other sexually and that is ok too. You can still hold the other person and help them get off if they want that. However you can receive each other in that moment is what you need.

    if you feel like you need to drain your partner’s sexual energy in order to keep them with you I would say let them go.

    Like

    • I thought about shooting you an email to warn you, but then it got away from me. Sex is just in a completely different place in my brain along with every other thought I have for freedom and joy. So when I first heard this I was truly worried that somehow I was screwing up. OMG! Where’d I put my day planner? How am I gonna squeeze this in? Thank you for keeping me sane ๐Ÿ™‚

      Like

      • Regyna Longlank says:

        you are so frickin cute. I love that you considered it, you know we all have. It’s this need in us to check our measure against some standard, to reassure us we are slightly above average to excellent.

        I can just see you with your little dayminder working it all out, lets see that’s fifteen times on wednesday, must remember to take vitamins! Perhaps training, like for a marathon? Ok, perhaps not.

        Really I think a system of credits earned could be useful. heh Yes. Oh wait, that’s kinda prostitution, huh? Yeah, better stick with the non-comodification approach, marriage already started out a tad too close to that arena to begin with…is this keeping you sane? Oh right, you were fine to begin with! Ain’t broke, don’t fix.

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      • I have an inner geek ๐Ÿ™‚

        Like

  2. Michi says:

    LOL, this post REALLY made me want to hug you!!! I always joked with D-Man that doing the deed at least 3 times a week was going to go into our wedding vows. But each week is different, and indeed, you can’t put something like making love on a schedule! ๐Ÿ™‚ Besides, when it happens spontaneously, it’s the absolute best.

    Like

  3. Becca says:

    Great post! I really like your insight.

    Like

  4. Pingback: I wonder if she knows… | Spread Information

  5. Pingback: I wonder if she knows… | Madeline Scribes

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