when your Crush gets Married

by Madeline Laughs
me and my friend

Image via Wikipedia

We’ve all been there. An innocent little crush turns sour when the object of your affection announces they have found the love of their life, and it’s not you. Even worse, they’re getting married! What are you to do?

You have options.

You can congratulate them and be happy they found each other. It is not often in life that two people can find the substance it takes to make a relationship work and getting married is a big step. Seeing this as the milestone reached in your crush’s life is the honorable thing to do. Hopefully you will be able to remain a part of this person’s future as a good friend.

Or you can totally discard this person from your life. After all, wasn’t your relationship built on a fantasy to begin with? 

Let’s define the word crush.

1. the act of falling hard for someone even though it isn’t love yet.
2. a precursor to love.
3. an amazing thing that gives you feelings of nerves and excitement whenever you see them.

~from the Urban Dictionary

Certainly doesn’t sound like fantasy to me. I guess if the crush is never vocalized, then perhaps fantasy would be the best way to describe it.

Everyone suffers when something of this magnitude happens and no one is communicating. I am a proponent of active communication. I don’t think enough people participate in their own lives by communicating what they need, or what they do not want. Therefore they end up dealing with the stress of constantly trying to correct situations that arise from one simple thing…not communicating.

With issues of the heart there is a tendency to play games. Coy, hard-to-get, mysterious, seemingly unattainable, all describe someone working out a misguided attempt to win someone over. I’m here to dispel this rumor. That never works in your favor.

Take for example…me. I have always been of the mind that if you’re with me, then you’re dam lucky to be with me. I will never have a different thought about that for the rest of my life. If I pick you it’s because you’re special, all the way around. I’m choosey and I give the person a thorough look before I ever express the tiniest bit of interest.

I have had to deal with breaking a man’s heart many times. For the life of me I have no idea what makes a man go completely off course when I’m under the impression that we are just friends. It is not a pleasure. It does not make me feel pretty, desirable or lofty. It totally sucks. Especially when I realize that I’m going to lose this friend. That is often the case, so I end up feeling rotten, wondering how I gave the wrong impression and friendless.

When my first boyfriend and I decided to make our relationship public by announcing it to our friends, I got a call from my best friend’s mother. She was appalled that I would choose this boy over her own son. Was I making the right decision? She certainly didn’t think so. With that she handed to phone over to her son. I wanted to rip his head off and I’m sure my first words weren’t that gracious or considerate of his feelings, but I was very young and impetuous.

He was adamant that he was in love with me, had always been in love with me and because of my thoughtless announcement, he no longer wanted to be just my friend. And with that our friendship ended. His choice.

Take a moment and re-read that sentence above. Now tell me, is this a person you want to spend even a second more of your life with? Not me. For starters, you can’t be in love with me and lose the precious touch of being my friend. Secondly, when you truly love someone, or are in love with someone, you want what is best for them and if that means they aren’t with you, then you let them be and you do it with the love you have for them in your heart.

There are no fucking ultimatums when it comes to love.

Love is not all or nothing. Love is all there is and it is all around each of us. All we have to do is open our hearts and allow it in. The love of a friend is really special. A true friend will stand by you and support your choices, even if they think it’s a bad one. They will hold you up and they will be there if you fall. One thing they will never ask you to do is forsake your own heart for their gain.

So if you find yourself in a situation where you’re being asked to choose between the person you love and the friendship you treasure, look your friend in the eye and tell them how much they are going to miss you.

About Madeline Scribes

A writer with a sense of humor. If anyone can laugh at life, it's me.
This entry was posted in All kinds of Advice and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to when your Crush gets Married

  1. no says:

    Mostly correct – disagree with the bit “friend will support you even if they think you are wrong”. Generally reading your article tells me you’re bit of a princess. Are you even hot? cause if no, then F off.


  2. T. says:

    Please don’t look down on your lost friend. In your story, you should think of his happiness too, i.e. it is really heart breaking to live every day, meeting your crush with “hope”. I have been there, and yes, I chose to let go of her. It doesn’t mean I didn’t want the best for her, but I couldn’t bear the pain, so the best thing for me was to let go and move along. It’s been 6 years, she got engaged a few months ago (learnt from a common friend). I won’t lie, it hurts, even 6 years later, but that’s because the subject was brought back when I worked hard to forget it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Regyna Longlank says:

      Dear T,

      Sometimes it doesn’t work out. You can love someone all you want. In the end if they don’t love you back, or if it’s not a healthy, balanced relationship, sometimes you have to walk away. It doesn’t mean you stop loving. It just means you are doing it from a safe place.

      Thank you for your comment. I wish you love, but most of all I wish you peace with the love you have. Xoxo RLL

      Liked by 1 person

  3. waldos says:

    ” For starters, you can’t be in love with me and lose the precious touch of being my friend.”

    Sorry to say that, but you are an extremly selfish person. You know why? Becouse all you ever wanted from life is to be loved by everyone. You have a boyfriend who loves you but besides you expect that your friend, who secretly loves you, still gonna stick with you. It means totallty nothing to you that this poor guy will suffer watching you and your new boyfriend holding each others hand… Let me enlight you – that’s the most miserable moment of man’s life.

    I had similar situation to described one. And yeah… my crush was “disappointed to lose friend”
    Sorry, but as long as I have a respect to myself, I won’t allow anyone to hurt me so bad, and turn my life into nightmare. I have better things to do in life than torturing myself with a view of my biggest crush ever holding someone’s else hand.

    Liked by 1 person

    • madelinelaughs says:

      Waldos I am deeply sorry you experienced this kind of heartbreak. Losing at love never feels good.

      Personally attacking the writer by calling her selfish is definitely displaced anger on your end though. Perhaps if you told the object of your affection how you feel some resolution can be found and you can be at peace with what happened in the past.

      Continuing your life harboring anger is never healthy and it may even prevent you from finding your true love too.

      Good luck out there Waldos! We’re all rooting for you!


  4. 18mitzvot says:

    I don’t agree with you, but it’s very good writing. Personally, I would have chosen my best friend who wanted more and was finally honest when faced with a challenger. You loved each other’s hearts and minds before he asked for a physical love as well. If you were sexually attracted to him, he would have had it all. Of course, if you’re not sexually attracted to him, then there’s really nothing to be done.


  5. nicholas says:

    What a powerful text. And I fully agree!


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