by Madeline Laughs
We’ve all been there. An innocent little crush turns sour when the object of your affection announces they have found the love of their life, and it’s not you. Even worse, they’re getting married! What are you to do?
You have options.
You can congratulate them and be happy they found each other. It is not often in life that two people can find the substance it takes to make a relationship work and getting married is a big step. Seeing this as the milestone reached in your crush’s life is the honorable thing to do. Hopefully you will be able to remain a part of this person’s future as a good friend.
Or you can totally discard this person from your life. After all, wasn’t your relationship built on a fantasy to begin with?
Let’s define the word crush.
1. the act of falling hard for someone even though it isn’t love yet.
2. a precursor to love.
3. an amazing thing that gives you feelings of nerves and excitement whenever you see them.
~from the Urban Dictionary
Certainly doesn’t sound like fantasy to me. I guess if the crush is never vocalized, then perhaps fantasy would be the best way to describe it.
Everyone suffers when something of this magnitude happens and no one is communicating. I am a proponent of active communication. I don’t think enough people participate in their own lives by communicating what they need, or what they do not want. Therefore they end up dealing with the stress of constantly trying to correct situations that arise from one simple thing…not communicating.
With issues of the heart there is a tendency to play games. Coy, hard-to-get, mysterious, seemingly unattainable, all describe someone working out a misguided attempt to win someone over. I’m here to dispel this rumor. That never works in your favor.
Take for example…me. I have always been of the mind that if you’re with me, then you’re dam lucky to be with me. I will never have a different thought about that for the rest of my life. If I pick you it’s because you’re special, all the way around. I’m choosey and I give the person a thorough look before I ever express the tiniest bit of interest.
I have had to deal with breaking a man’s heart many times. For the life of me I have no idea what makes a man go completely off course when I’m under the impression that we are just friends. It is not a pleasure. It does not make me feel pretty, desirable or lofty. It totally sucks. Especially when I realize that I’m going to lose this friend. That is often the case, so I end up feeling rotten, wondering how I gave the wrong impression and friendless.
When my first boyfriend and I decided to make our relationship public by announcing it to our friends, I got a call from my best friend’s mother. She was appalled that I would choose this boy over her own son. Was I making the right decision? She certainly didn’t think so. With that she handed to phone over to her son. I wanted to rip his head off and I’m sure my first words weren’t that gracious or considerate of his feelings, but I was very young and impetuous.
He was adamant that he was in love with me, had always been in love with me and because of my thoughtless announcement, he no longer wanted to be just my friend. And with that our friendship ended. His choice.
Take a moment and re-read that sentence above. Now tell me, is this a person you want to spend even a second more of your life with? Not me. For starters, you can’t be in love with me and lose the precious touch of being my friend. Secondly, when you truly love someone, or are in love with someone, you want what is best for them and if that means they aren’t with you, then you let them be and you do it with the love you have for them in your heart.
There are no fucking ultimatums when it comes to love.
Love is not all or nothing. Love is all there is and it is all around each of us. All we have to do is open our hearts and allow it in. The love of a friend is really special. A true friend will stand by you and support your choices, even if they think it’s a bad one. They will hold you up and they will be there if you fall. One thing they will never ask you to do is forsake your own heart for their gain.
So if you find yourself in a situation where you’re being asked to choose between the person you love and the friendship you treasure, look your friend in the eye and tell them how much they are going to miss you.
- Love for married. For my friends who are… MARRIED (piyuninopamrat.wordpress.com)
- What if you’re in love with your best friend and he’s not gay (wiki.answers.com)
- On Romantic Relationships (jennergizer.wordpress.com)
- Of Crushes Crumblin’ (anounceofeternity.wordpress.com)
- My best friend is really mad at me right now. I’m dating this guy who she has a crush on and now she gets really mad at me calling me a liar and a btch what do i do about her (wiki.answers.com)
- LOVE and COMMITMENTS are POLES APART!!!! (getawayzzz.wordpress.com)
- Of crushes and much older g.a.y men (myorbit365.wordpress.com)
- There’s a Reason They Call them Crushes… (crystalspins.com)
- What exactly would you say to a friend who you think is in a ‘destructive relationship’? (indianhomemaker.wordpress.com)
- Why I Got Into A Relationship And Some Thoughts On LTR Game (wonkawilly.wordpress.com)
- He’s unattractive, yet totally crushable (timesunion.com)
- Dear crush, (anyiko.wordpress.com)
- What To Do If You Have A Huge Crush On Someone [Infatuation] (jezebel.com)
- The “Little Girl Crush” and Balancing Perceptions (ctolle.wordpress.com)