by Madeline Laughs
If I had to name ten things that disappoint me about relationships, one of the top complaints would be trying to second guess someone and their intentions. I stopped second guessing a long time ago, but some people still require this kind of maintenance.
I refuse to read a person’s mind. Figuring out what another person is thinking without engaging that person is ludicrous. How do I handle this? I ask questions. “What are you thinking about this situation?” or “Are you doing this?”. I stopped playing guessing games to get the information I want, years ago. In my opinion, it was a good habit to break. Now when I need clarification from someone, I just ask.
There’s nothing wrong with asking for that enlightenment.
If you’re on the receiving end of the question there is no unwritten law that says you have to answer, other than good manners. If you care at all for the person asking the question, then answering is in the best interest of expanding the level of trust between you and your friend. If you don’t care…then don’t answer.
When someone doesn’t answer me the first time I ask, I give them the benefit of doubt. Perhaps they didn’t hear me. So I ask them again. If I don’t get a direct answer from them the second time I ask, then I have my answer. It’s not always the way I like to see it play out, but I am not one to continue beating a dead horse. (except right now and that’s because I’m pissed!)
If I ask for clarification twice and receive none at all, my conclusion is that what I’m asking must be true. I adjust and move on, but I also let the person know my conclusions, just in case I’m wrong. I don’t mind being corrected.
There is something wrong with making assumptions.
I try not to make assumptions. I draw conclusions, which is entirely different. Human behavior is generally predictable. When someone avoids my questions numerous times it usually means they are hiding something. That’s fine, everyone is entitled to live their lives as they see fit.They can shed light on a situation that has me in the dark, or not. I can not control nor dictate how they respond. However when I feel I have something valuable at stake and I need clarification and don’t get it, well then a conclusion is all I can draw.
Tonight someone made an assumption about my intentions. I was compartmentalized, judged and humiliated and all I wanted to do was avoid making life hard for them. I never expected that my inquiry would have such an inflammatory backlash, but it did.
It changed the entire dynamic of the friendship for me.
My purpose in life is to make sure that no matter what decisions I make about my life, the people around me do not need to suffer from them. People have routines and habits. Disturbing those in an effort to make changes in my life is not something I take lightly. Humankind are so concerned with their carbon footprint these days that they neglect attention to the footprint that makes the most damage. That is the one that stomps all over everyone trying to get what they want. Before I make life altering decisions I want to ripple their pond as little as possible, because what if I change my mind? What if it doesn’t work out? What if something goes wrong? Do I want to look behind me at a pile of rubble and devastation? Or do I want to strive to leave a situation a little better than I found it? Isn’t it better to lead with love and to leave with love than it is to barrel through life leaving a barren landscape behind you?
When I ask for clarification it is not so I can fan the flame of malice.
That is not who I am.
I’m sad that you hadn’t figured that out by now.
- Examples of Errors in Reasoning (ethicalrealism.wordpress.com)
- How Philosophy Changed My Life (ethicalrealism.wordpress.com)
- What is YOUR question? (lisarivero.com)
- Gotcha Questions (aphilosopher.wordpress.com)
- Ponder the power of your own thoughts! (kevilynj.wordpress.com)
- courage (education4revolution.wordpress.com)