by Madeline Laughs
Sitting quietly at the table with my hands gathered in knots beneath my chin wondering what will inspire me today to write.
Do I wish to curl around the lashes rimming the windows of your soul? Would I like to tiptoe across the parts of you that rise and waver in passion? Can I take your inhibitions to a level that will ignite your vertigo and make you shake with fear? Will the drumbeat I tap steadily out on the tabletop thump your chest with an unforgettable rhythm? What have I been doing? Where have I been?
I plug The Mast into the stereo and blast the notes throughout the small space in my head reserved just to delight you. Her voice trills and the music rolls between my shoulder blades as she tells her story in song. My memories sway to another dimension and I am transformed into someone that I finally recognize again.
Where have I been? In this cotton covered, wooden seated world where anything is possible I erase every other idea and belief just long enough to take your hand. Do you trust me? Will you believe in what I want to show you? Come with me as I show you where I’ve been.
I shift in my seat as I tap, tap, tap on this worn keyboard. I can feel her singing through the bottoms of my feet but I have stopped listening to the lyrics long ago. I only need the inspiration and the notes to keep me from rising up to find another distraction. When the music pauses between each song to begin another I am saddened the sound has left the room temporarily. But there it is again and I am refreshed, just as if I have pushed the arrow key here in this box that allows me to tell you where I’ve been.
Do you feel the softness of my fingertips as I hold your hand in mine? I can feel the heat of yours. I will hold you tightly as we move with deliberate steps to where I have been. My smile will be all you need to feel safe. Let me lead as we dance around the rock formations and across the rivers of despair and agitation. We will be aware of the sun beating down on our faces as the heat before us changes with indecision of whether to burn us or make us better than we were before we went to where I’ve been.
Look up! Look up there to the clouds! Now watch as they envelop each of us and whisper in our ears of what is to come soon. They fill my nose with the scent of rain and of storms whipping my skirt close to my bare legs. Cool, damp air caressing my skin and making all of us moist with the rainforest promise of a world coming around to it’s own destiny. Let’s push deeper while there’s still light so you can see where I’ve been.
Linger here a moment and slide your hips around the corner that will be me changing direction. Straight lines have never impressed me, but rolling and spinning will elicit deep giggles and throaty laughter. If you will just stop struggling long enough to bend you will laugh too. There now. The orbit of your beautiful eyes squinted closed with happiness is worth whatever pain you’ve been feeling. Just wait until we reach the destination that is where I’ve been.
Take a deep breathe.
Fill your lungs.
Feel the new blood chasing away your tears. What is a four syllable word for good? Do you know one? The only time I can think of one is when we’re like this together and then it slips from my mind like a well oiled machine. I just don’t need to know anything as we hold hands and stomp hard in the puddles left from the wave that washed over this part of me when I wasn’t looking.
A tsunami of hope.
A tidal pool of pleasure.
Intriguing bubbles of the last time I drew a sigh underneath this ocean of heartbreak burst as they surface. That has to be how it all ends. Just a small break in the surface that ripples long into the next shoreline. Does it warn old lovers that I have let them go? Will it send them a message in a bottle they can read and throw back? I bet I can show you how to let yours go too if you hold me tight enough and long enough to reach the place where I’ve been.
The place where I’ve been.
Close your eyes because it’s right here upon us now.
This is the place where I’ve been.
Now it is the place where you are.
- The Mast: Wild Poppies (Review) (popmatters.com)
- Letting Go of Your Fears, Beliefs, and Thoughts That Don’t Support You (designwithjoy.wordpress.com)