Do you know how the beginning of a new year always implies a Do-Over? That’s what it means to a lot of people and so they sit down with themselves and they make a list of all the things they’d like to change about themselves. Most of those lists end up forgotten by February and most people never change a thing, or start over at all.
I started making some changes in my life right around August of 2012. Unaware that what I was really leading up to was a whole new perspective, I defiantly carried on with one change after another. I started on the inside and hopefully those changes will soon become evident on the outside sometime in 2013. We’ll see.
In August I finally got angry.
I stopped putting up with the status quo.
I stopped leading my life just to make other people happy.
I stopped being nice just because it was expected.
In August I took a stand after being pushed pretty hard for the previous two years. When I think about it, there have been other times in my past when I’ve been pushed around just as hard and I’ve fought back. Thank goodness I became good at fighting back.
The only thing I didn’t become good at was sticking to my own resolution to change.
Every time I got comfortable again, I always went back to the old me. The one that stifles her opinions and her needs in order to keep the peace or to keep from being the most disliked. I knew I was a borderline people pleaser and I hated it and I hated the people that expected that from me. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be nice, I just wanted to be nice to the people that truly deserved it and not to the people that demanded it from me.
What happens to a people pleaser is they are always the ones that get blamed. They’re your go-to patsy. The one you know you can stomp all over, humiliate, ridicule and make into a monster because you just know they will never fight back. Even if they try fighting back, you can just label them as crazy and everyone will believe you because deep down, everyone hates people pleasing suck ups because they’re weaklings.
And that’s the problem. People pleasers are not suck ups and we are far from weak because it takes a lot of grit and muscle to continue to absorb and support the colossal amount of crap and bullshit the rest of you assholes like to heap on us.
So fuck you.
I’m not making any resolutions this year because I don’t have to. This year and from now on I am going to speak my mind proudly, be nice to the people I want to be nice to, do the things I want to do and spend my days caring about and participating in my own life, instead of in the rest of the world’s lives. From now on it’s going to be about what I want and what I need and the moments in my life are going to be mine. The person I want to please is me and I am the most important person in my own life.
Think about that a moment.
You are the MOST IMPORTANT PERSON in your LIFE.
It’s true for everyone.
Living for yourself doesn’t mean you’ll turn into a hateful toad, because I haven’t turned into one yet and I really don’t expect to.It doesn’t mean you don’t include people or you’ll be lonely because I am surrounded by some of the most awesome people I know. It doesn’t mean offending people or hurting anyone because the only people hurting now are the ones I have discarded, which means they aren’t in my life anymore because they don’t deserve me.
Just like me, you are worth it too. The only thing you have to do is believe you’re worth it and start living like you’re worth it. Break away from the cliquey, self serving groups of people that make you feel bad and start drawing in the friends that make you feel good to be alive instead. Stop living in a constant grudge and release the ones that make you want to exact a payback by hurting them as much as you hurt. Forgive yourself for being angry, for being petty, for being vengeful, for being hateful and for being human.
Be happy and share your life with happy people.
I have posted about my process for making personal boundaries and I have to tell you that if you haven’t read them, you should. Making and sticking to my own personal boundaries has been the catalyst I needed in order to see my own mistakes repeated over and over with people, friends and family that continued to keep me in one place for so many years. That process was invaluable for me and I think it might just be what everyone needs to do in order to start living the life they deserve. Finally knowing what I wanted and what I didn’t want, writing it down and executing parts that were painful, opened my eyes to the possibilities, instead of the impossibilities. It has made vast areas in my own life cleaner and more manageable. I have lost a lot of the anxiety I used to have about what other people think of me, because I simply don’t care if they think something negative, or not. I have no control over what they think, what they say about me behind my back or how they might try to treat me.
They are insignificant, small specks of dirt you simply brush from your sleeve or wipe off your shoe when you come in from picking real flowers in your own garden of life.
This year discard the tired resolutions and make a plan for the rest of your life instead.