Eeny, meanie, miney…you’re a sociopath!

by Madeline Laughs
"The Kiss of Judas" is a traditional...

“The Kiss of Judas” is a traditional depiction of Judas by Giotto di Bondone, c. 1306. Fresco in the Scrovegni Chapel, Padua. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

For months I operated on the fear of getting sucked back in by liars and even worse…sociopaths. It got so bad that the least little deviation someone took from acting like, what I considered, normal, I would immediately label them Sociopath.

It didn’t take long before I was surrounded by Sociopaths!!!

HOLY CRAP!

HOW HAD THAT HAPPENED?!  

Hmmmm…Waita-men-nit….

That’s when I had to step back a bit from the judgey-table and turn the observant eye on myself.

I was talking on the phone with one of my good friends and told her “Yeah, after a few months it seemed like everyone I knew was a sociopath and I was the only sane person left.” She laughed and replied “Well, there are so few of us left in the world!” Even though we were both making a joke out of a serious affliction, her observation held more truth than fiction.

I wasn’t completely surrounded by sociopaths, but I had gotten much better at picking them out of a crowd. While not every one of them was a full-fledged sociopath, there was something about them that did not click with me on a human level. Therefore having lack of a better category, I was lumping them altogether with the Sociopaths.

In reality, the reason there were so many sociopathic personalities in my life at that time was because that was what I drew to me. Those were some of the qualities I looked for in a friend. They latched onto me because I was also what they looked for in a friend, someone they could charm, groom and then abuse.

I was fortunate enough to also draw people to me that were just like me…surrounded by and attracted to sociopaths.

That was my saving grace.

Until you’ve been in the clutches of one sociopath, you really have no idea what I’m talking about. And unless you’ve been in the midst of a group of them, all acting in some form of unison, then you really have no idea what I’m talking about. They can spin you around so violently that you become a blubbering, suicidal puddle.

There is such a thing as a Sociopathic Duo. This is two sociopathic personalities that realize who they are and know exactly what they’re doing and have agreed to support each other’s  lies.

Kind of like the Two Muskapsychos.

A group of them, whether behaving a certain way in agreement, or just being their sociopathic selves, and after the same ultimate goal, can be lethal to a person that has no idea what’s happening, or how to get out of it.

Kind of like a Flash Gaslight Mob.

The best defense is to trust your gut and to keep talking to people that understand what you’re going through. Keep your distance from anyone that you can prove has lied to you or has abused you. Refuse to have any further dialogue with them in private. Don’t take their calls and don’t answer their emails. All they’re looking for is more kindling to keep the fire going underneath the cauldron they’re trying to cook your ass in.

There is nothing you can say to them to make them stop what they’re doing.

Remember, they are crazy makers and you can not control them.

You have no control over how they twist your words, deflect the blame, or set out to attack and demean you. You just have to get through it and let it happen. The only comforting advice I can give you about making it to the other side alive is that it never lasts long. They tend to move on to the next victim easily and quickly.

For years I kept the sociopathic personalities in my life because I was so afraid of what they’d do to me if I let them go. That was a pretty sick way of managing that kind of relationship and has the smell of codependency to it. But that’s where you end up if you keep a friend out of fear of what they’ll do to you or say about you behind your back if you cut them off.

Here’s something you don’t realize at the time.

It doesn’t matter what they try to do to you once you get rid of them. It doesn’t matter what they say about you behind your back once you get rid of them either.

Do you want to know why?

It doesn’t matter because what they do to you while you still support the friendship is much worse and more powerful than anything they can do to you when they no longer have access to you. As for the gossip and lies they will spread after you walk away from them…they’re already saying those things about you now, so what’s the difference?

Another thing you should always keep in mind is that the most diabolical sociopaths also have disciples. That was something that continued to stall my progress for years when I was trying to get away from them. I never understood the disciple part of the psychosis.

A disciple is someone that has been groomed by the sociopath to support him throughout his fantasy life of lies. They may not believe everything he says, but they will go down fighting for his right to be able to continue his reign of terror because that’s all they know how to do. Usually a disciple is someone with low self esteem that the sociopath can stoke up with compliments or admiration. They are close to the sociopath, not in a caring way, but in a needy way.

When one of the sociopath’s long term friends came to me with concern and asked what was wrong and if they could help, I would jump right back on the Crazy Train. I would completely fall for the offer to help me understand why my sociopathic friend was treating me so badly. What more could I ask for than someone that was close to him and could help me fix it? I didn’t know I was jumping on the Crazy Train, but I was boarding it with one of the sociopath’s best weapons…a true believer, an emissary, a Judas.

A disciple will listen to every complaint you have. They’ll offer up some advice and heartfelt comfort and draw you back in by promising that it will all work out.

Then…BAM!

Everything you’ve told them is twisted and shared with the sociopath and he/she will use it against you! “Do you know how crazy you sound Madeline? No one believes all that crap you’re saying about me. Everyone is talking about you behind your back and they all think you’re nuts!”

The concerned mutual friend, the disciple, is now your worst enemy and they have joined the crusade to discredit and malign your reputation. They have set appointments to speak to your friends and they will bring you down for even thinking about crucifying their idol, the sociopath.

So beware of the concerned friend if they are not someone you know and are friends with outside of the relationship with the sociopath. If one of their friends comes to you with a offer to listen and to help, do yourself a favor and resist the urge to confide in someone that doesn’t have your best interest at heart at all.

Let’s review…

1.When someone is overly nice and solicitous and suddenly turns the tables and starts abusing you, they are most likely a sociopath. Don’t stick around and try to fix the friendship. Cut off all contact.

2. When you start feeling like you’re surrounded by sociopaths, take a step back and relax enough to see the truth of how you have always chosen friendships. It is possible you are surrounded by them and that’s no one’s fault, but your own. Make a plan to clean up your act and learn how to choose healthy and empowering relationships. Then clean out the sociopaths and cut off all contact.

3. If a friend of the sociopath goes out of their way to contact you and offers help and concern, smile at them and say “Not today.” and then cut off all contact with the sociopath’s disciple.

4. There will be fall out. Expect it and have a plan to ride it out. Know that it won’t last long and pay attention to how your own friends react to it and handle it with you. Eventually you’ll know who your true friends are and who you should probably discard too.

When you become enlightened and educated in the ways of the sociopath, you will see these traits and behaviors in many of the people you already associate with. Be kind to yourself and tread lightly until you are ready to make the next move and then…cut off all contact.

That is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my life and I was terrified the first few times I had to execute someone for abusing me, when I had always called them friend. But I promise you that the feeling of liberation and relief you will come to recognize once this toxic person is no longer a part of your life is totally worth it and you deserve to feel it.

Eeny, meanie,miney….mo!

Catch a sociopath by the toe!

Eeny, meanie, miney…mo!

I’ve got no problem with letting you go.

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About Madeline Scribes

A writer with a sense of humor. If anyone can laugh at life, it's me.
This entry was posted in All kinds of Advice and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

30 Responses to Eeny, meanie, miney…you’re a sociopath!

  1. OneHotMess says:

    I love this! I suddenly saw more sociopaths, because I finally knew what they looked like! As for when they, and their disciples give up, define “not long.” LOL. I ignore. It is the best and only route to take.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I wish I could give a definitive deadline for how long they’ll pursue the devastation of you once you walk away from them, but I can’t. I walked away for one of the most toxic sociopaths I had ever met in 2010 and he still puts out feelers and sends messages trying to convince people that I’m the crazy person and he’s sane.

      Everyday someone wakes up and realizes who he really is though and I have had to do nothing to enlighten them or convince them. He does all of that spin himself. In fact, he spends all of his time and energy trying to hold onto the fantasy and lies he has surrounded himself with. It must be exhausting.

      The enemies of the sociopath are time and truth. In time, they give themselves away and show their true colors. In time, people start to come to their own conclusions about what happened and they can see the truth shine through all of the smoke and mirrors the sociopath uses to confuse them.

      Truth and time will always be on our side. So keep speaking your truth and never back down. There is a saying by Nelson Mandela that to be silent is to support the oppressor. I believe that with all my heart and it’s one of the main reasons I will always speak out and I will always tell my truth. I have all the time in the world and no one to convince and take care of, but myself. But if my truth helps anyone out there to be safer and to live a happier life, then I have done a good thing 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • It took me a few weeks to realize that not everyone was a sociopath, however I was literally surrounded by them. Knowing how to spot them now makes me feel much safer. I agree! Ignoring them is the best defense all around.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Great advice and very true. I needed to read this about five years ago. Thank you for sharing I am copying the hints at the end to a note card so that I can refer to them in the future. Thanks for sharing this.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. jericho777 says:

    Reblogged this on Jericho777's Blog.

    Like

  4. jericho777 says:

    Fantastic treat thank you and unimaginably true!
    We want to go through life thinking that the people we have invited into our little or big circles of life will some how be an extension of us, not a tool of destruction that can be used against us, not only of our peace of mind, but those others who depend on us to be responsible in filtering out these kind of people away from their lives also…
    Friendship circles for lack of a better analogy are ours to protect, heck, we’re building our own little social labs all over the place and there is a great responsibility that comes with that. Betrayal goes deeper than we care to admit and a sociopathic personality within our circle of friends can wipe out years of friendships that we have developed through trust and can prove very devastating for all of them within that circle, not to mention ourselves.
    The effects are long lasting…
    Great essay here and a valuable lesson for us all no doubt about it and I got to tell ya, I giggled through it all because, well, I could relate to this from start to finish, I guess it truly is easy to laugh afterwards, a survivor type of nervous glee I suppose, LOL….

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Jericho777! Your words are very true and I am happy to have made you giggle. I giggle myself at the situation that created my newfound convictions and am grateful they have brought me this far.

      Thank you for having a look. Your writing is a real treat too!

      Like

      • jericho777 says:

        Thank You, enjoyed it immensely…
        Love your site and so will my blogging friends…I wish I had your talents and know I’ll be back for more…Have yourself a great weekend with your beautiful families, all of you…
        Be at peace man and enjoy your lives, sociopathic free of course! LOL

        Like

      • Thank you Jericho777 and a wonderful weekend to you and yours as well 🙂

        Like

  5. afteramerica says:

    Reblogged this on AfterAmerica's Blog and commented:
    This may be the single most important article that you read in 2013. I’ve read it 3 times and decided to Reblog it at AfterAmerica. A must read.

    Like

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  7. wine-whine-whatever says:

    After living through the drama and brutal pain of your experiences with a particular sociopath, allow me to say this is probably THE BEST essay you’ve ever written here. It’s certainly reflected in the feedback comments you’ve gotten thus far!

    If anything good came of that nightmare, it is that you now have a full and true understanding of what a sociopath is, what damage they can do with their lethal behavior, how to recognize a sociopath and how to deal with them. AND, you have so generously shared your horrifying story and the education you received as a result of that encounter with the readers of this blog. I’m sure some of it was excruciating to revisit and write about. Whether you were motivated by educating others or because it was a cleansing process or whatever reasons you’ve shared all of this, I thank you for working past the pain to enlighten us about sociopaths in general. As jericho777 said: “Betrayal goes deeper than we care to admit…” and “The effects are long lasting…”

    Like

    • I always love your comments triple W ❤ Many of my current readers have no idea that within the confines of this very blog is the story of my sociopath. All 50 chapters of it. I'll post the link here in case any of the people commenting on this blog post would like to have a look at how I arrived at my state of mind and who my "teacher" was. You can all find it starting here and click through to the next installment by following the blue links at the top of each post.
      http://spreadinformation.wordpress.com/2010/09/10/insanity-chapter-1/

      Like

  8. I always love your comments triple W ❤ Many of my current readers have no idea that within the confines of this very blog is the story of my sociopath. All 50 chapters of it. I'll post the link here in case any of the people commenting on this blog post would like to have a look at how I arrived at my state of mind and who my "teacher" was. You can all find it starting here and click through to the next installment by following the blue links at the top of each post.
    http://spreadinformation.wordpress.com/2010/09/10/insanity-chapter-1/

    Like

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  11. I attract sociopathic personality types as well. I’ve learned to keep them at bay, but I wonder if it has more to do with what kind of people I seek out (I wonder this because I’ve never really sought these people out, they just kind of pop up).

    I’ve been told I have a calming presence, and I wonder if someone with enough inner emotional turmoil seeks out people like that because being around them makes them feel slightly better, even if they can’t pinpoint why.

    Like

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  14. Wow, thank you so much for sharing. Ever since my “relationship” with a sociopath I have been ultra sensitive/paranoid about.. Everyone, everything people say or do.

    We had a mutual friend. I wouldn’t call her a “disciple” bc she was one not that close w him and two had her own personal agendas she was constantly pursuing. Staying in touch w him or even not seeing his cruelty was disturbing to me though.

    How could she not see it? She was MY friend, he was my ex. He was the one that hurt me (and all the all other people in his life that were once close and now held vendettas against him). But he got to her. He is an excellent acquaintance to have, he comes w benefits.. A ski house, just stuff. So when I became depressed, she started using those lines on me!

    I knew they were talking and he put these ideas in her head that I was the one totally insane and out of control. Evil and a negative influence on everyone. She eventually kicked me out (we were roommates). To his credit he tried to reason w her to let me stay till I could land on my feet (he would do these things then realize the negative impact – which he didn’t want, and try to soften the fall. It’s like he didn’t want to hurt people – no, it’s he didn’t want people to be hurt but did things that would inevitably hurt them).

    Now she’s playing his games, and … Well I had already crossed her of the trusted friend list months ago but it has really gotten ugly. Is she a sociopath too in her own right?

    Like

    • I guess you could classify her as a sociopath, but first and foremost, you probably should consider cutting off all contact with both of these people. They aren’t treating you nicely and that might be enough to tell them Goodbye. Good luck out there and remember to always take care of you first.

      Like

  15. Very interesting read! I think I’ve definitely had my attract-a-psychopath into my life phase. It was really great to get your perspective on this, gave me lots of stuff to think about! Thanks! 🙂

    Like

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