Let him down Easy

by Madeline Laughs

012Recently one of my single girlfriends decided to take the plunge into liberation and start asking guys out for dates. Her first attempt was a miserable failure, but it taught her a very valuable lesson.

In my blog post entitled Asking a Guy Out?, I told the story of her first try at this role that is usually assumed by the man. She asked a guy out and he turned her down. He not only turned her down, he was awkward and rude about it. She told me that this, above all else, showed her how hurtful it can be to get turned down without a thought or consideration for the other person’s feelings.  

That’s true too.

I can recall numerous occasions, prior to being married, when a fella would ask me out and I was less than charming. I just thought it was part of the dance. I didn’t think for a moment his feelings would get hurt just because I refused him. Especially when I would see him later in the weekend on the arm of another girl. I just thought they were used to getting turned down. It kind of came with the territory.

Let’s face it. We are all human beings and we all get our feelings hurt. I have been the recipient of plenty of male emo in my lifetime, so I know this is true. Men do have feelings and don’t like to get rejected.

What do you think the best way is to tell someone you aren’t interested in going on a date with them?

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About Madeline Scribes

A writer with a sense of humor. If anyone can laugh at life, it's me.
This entry was posted in All kinds of Advice and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Let him down Easy

  1. Ray's Mom says:

    Dating can be stressful. But who would have guessed a guy would turn down a lovely lady?

    Like

  2. I’ve been asked out few enough times in my life that I’ve only ever made one rejection, but I’ve been rejected enough times that I can provide some insight into what’s easy to hear and what’s not.

    1) It’s easy to hear you already have a boyfriend or you’re not looking to date right now. But try to be honest. “I’m seeing someone” or “I’m not really looking to date right now” is a much better rejection than a terse “no”.

    2) If a given time was suggested, don’t lie about having plans. It simply leaves hope that maybe another time will work better in the future, and you’ll be asked again – if not immediately (“Well, how about Saturday instead?”).

    3) Don’t be rude. We were interested enough to ask you out, then you revealed yourself to be less than desirable. While this effectively kills interest in most cases, it also makes us feel like our pickers are broken and lingers in our mind the next time we consider asking someone out. Think about it – if you were learning to ride a bike for the first time, and you broke your arm, would you be excited to try again?

    3.1) Be flattered. You may not be interested, but he is. Someone finds you desirable. That’s a Good Thing. If contextually appropriate, say thank you and don’t forget to smile.

    4) It’s okay to pause a few moments to think of the right thing to say. However, keep in mind that to the person asking, those few seconds can be a LIFETIME. But it’s better to wait a few seconds to be gentle than it is to react quickly with something hurtful. See #3.

    Like

    • whine-wine-whatever says:

      Aaron, you have performed a valuable public service today for all women in the dating world. Your superb advice is honest, kind and so helpful in understanding the process men endure. Thank you!

      Like

  3. i feel very strongly about this. on the tv show last resort, i said it can turn a man into a murderer or a serial killer…..i have always said this since i was 28: a kind honest handsome jewish man over 40. it rules out a lot of people… i didn’t have to say anything before that because i was married.

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  4. I almost started a blog about dating a while ago because I had my share of great and horrible experiences and I got really good at it (sorta speak). The one thing I learned was a principle used in business that also applies to love.

    Just because you want to date that person, doesn’t mean they do too. Over time, you need to develop a sense of the other person and what you want and what the ideal person for you is looking for so you can match up.

    Essentially my advice comes down to being able to read the other person before you even attempt asking for a date. There must be a little bit of a spark in there for a flame to start up. If that spark isn’t’ there it isn’t worth the heartache.

    I would recommend learning about body language and the subtleties of speech and tone in casual conversation. All the clues are there.

    Like

  5. Pingback: Dating Advice? Let him down Easy | Spread Information | My Collection of Stuff Online

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