Are you involved with a Narcissist?

by Madeline Laughs

Dr. Judith Orloff has some interesting information that will shed light on whether or not you are involved with someone that is a narcissist. Her website offers a quiz you can take that will give you results, based on how you answer the questions.

I took the quiz thinking about one of my family members.

The questions are:  

1. Does the person act as if life revolves around him or her?

2. Do I have to compliment them to get their attention or approval?

3. Do they constantly steer the conversation back to themselves?

4. Do they downplay my feelings or interests?

5. If I disagree, do they become cold or withholding?

I scored 4 out of 5 and here is what the advice was:

You are in a relationship with someone with definite narcissistic traits. Everything is “all about them.” Keep your expectations realistic. Enjoy their good qualities, but look for your nurturing from people who can reciprocate.

Narcissists do not feel empathy and are resistant to change their behavior. It is rare that the mental health community can treat them because they are not honest and refuse to cooperate or change the way they treat others.

Empathy is the ability to understand and to share the feelings of another.

When you lack empathy, you can be very hard to get close to. Imagine laughing when someone gets physically hurt and bleeds. Imagine seeing a small animal starve to death, and feeling nothing except annoyance that you have to dispose of the body. Imagine knowing that your actions may cause someone  extreme emotional pain and anguish, and not caring about it.

Who would want to get close to anyone that lacks empathy? But we do it everyday without even thinking about the consequences it may have on us later on in our lives.

I took another one of her online quizzes entitled Are You an Emotional Vampire? I answered all of the questions honestly and was a little apprehensive to click the button for my results. Here they are:

Your energy is getting more vibrant and alive as you begin to set better boundaries with negative people.

I’m going to close with that. Here’s wishing everyone’s energy gets a bit more vibrant and alive as we all make a conscious effort to reduce the number of negative people in our lives.

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About Madeline Scribes

A writer with a sense of humor. If anyone can laugh at life, it's me.
This entry was posted in All kinds of Advice, Personal Boundaries Primer and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Are you involved with a Narcissist?

  1. Great post – thanks for stopping by.

    Like

  2. whine-wine-whatever says:

    I never much paid any attention to specifically identifying a person as a narcissist. But I automatically avoided people with those traits when our paths crossed. Those whose world revolved around them and had no interest at all in any of my world soon became tiresome. They were those who’d, in essence, say, “Oh, enough about me. What do YOU think of me?” If a person doesn’t even have the common courtesy to ask questions to get to know me? I pretty much know it’s going to be a one-sided relationship, and chalk that person up on my ‘acquaintance’ list.

    Your results from the second quiz are so spot on! Nice to see a bit of validation for your hard work, eh?

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    • Seeing that last bit of information pop up was indeed a validation. When I was younger I guess I did think the world revolved around me and even now I catch myself making it about me, even when I know it’s not. Those are times when I have to step back and consider that there are other people out there that maybe I should try sharing a little bit more with, of myself and otherwise.

      It’s been a chore ridding myself of folks in my life lately that I KNOW are toxic because I dearly love many of them. I’ve reached an age though where I am not as willing as I used to be to put up with certain behaviors like I used to. I get weary faster, I lose my patience with them quicker. So rather than deal with the high anxiety of being around them, I cut them off. The guilt of knowing I have unleashed them on some other unsuspecting innocent was starting to be the other thing that overwhelmed me, but I finally gave myself a break by writing about how to avoid people like them, or deal with them at a distance.

      Thank you for participating so heartily on this blog WWW. You are awesome and open up so many new avenues to discover on each post. I love conversing with you on here ❤

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  3. Daphne Ogyen says:

    it’s really hard to ‘spot’ when you’ve been raised by one because the ‘standard’ set by them seems “normal.” Then marry a narcissist psychopath because you were so desensitized to being talked to approached in a certain way (by the narcissist). Then blamed for marrying said lunatic by the person who molded you to just accept being treated that way, because of course, you were looking to be treated like that on some level. Projection: speaking of oneself in the second person. *sigh* It’s not easy being green. Cut out the toxic, keep the healthy. It’s the best I’ve got. Hard when it’s a parent though. The best I can do is not be that parent, but redefine what is healthy by treating my children with real empathy.

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    • I have struggled with this too Daphne. It’s a steep learning curve when it’s a situation you learn during your formative years. I read a post yesterday on my new favorite page on Facebook called My Emotional Vampire that fits what you have written to a tee. It was about being born into a narcissistic environment and being bounced from one narc to another as you try to sort out why you’re hurting so much inside. I just looked for it and couldn’t put my finger on it, but check out her page. It’s not only about this situation, but it also contains a lot of healing and self loving advice.

      You are a fantastic and loving mother. I can see that in your photos. Stay strong.

      Like

  4. Daphne Ogyen says:

    Thank you. I have another friend who recommended that page, I can definitely relate. Self-loving is key because the narcissistic parent had so little love they didn’t know how to self care or teach me how, instead like a child they hogged up all the space out of their fear of being ultimately insignificant. It’s not an excuse, it’s a reason to not be like them and I won’t sit there and cast blame. It’s pure tragic ignorance, an inner confusion that spread like a disease into their personality. I guess that’s where I have a lot of compassion for it, and know to keep my safe distance much as I can keep myself healthy.

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