Get over it, stop talking about it and move on…No!

get-over-it

When you are in recovery after a particularly horrendous few rounds with a narcissist, especially one that is malignant, you start to hear the:

Okay, now you need to just get over this, stop talking about it and move on

Really? Is that all I need to do?

Just get over it?

Just stop talking about it?

Just move on?

That’s it? Β 

And if I follow those instructions then I’ll be all better? Is that it? Will that help me be a better person? You know, being quiet about it and all? That’s what works?

Don’t you think I should pay close attention to what just happened? Explore it and try to own my part in it? Don’t you think it’s a good idea for me to share my experience with others that might be going through the same thing? Maybe they might leave an impossible situation of their own because they see from my example that it’s possible? Maybe they can start their own process of recovery with my help?

Don’t you think?

Are you even thinking about me?

Or are you just thinking about yourself?

The Move On’ers need to understand that sticking our heads in the sand was what got us here in the first place. Moving on without truly healing is what made us vulnerable to be attacked again and again and again. Moving On is only an option when we take what we have learned with us and we share our truth with as many people as possible.

I WILL NO LONGER BE QUIET AND JUST MOVE ON.

I was speaking with a friend about my own feelings of becoming just like the person that hurt me. I found myself responding to another friend in a similar way that I had once been subjected to; in a quiet, but devastating way to hurt someone else I care about by making them feel guilt.

It scared the living shit out of me.

When I caught myself doing it I nearly vomited. What the hell was happening to me? Was I becoming someone loathsome? I had always accepted my friends for who they are, but here I was trying to manipulate someone. Just because I could do it…and that must be how a narcissist feels all the time, except without the guilt. It’s a horrifying realization.

As I was sharing this epiphany to my other friend, she laughed. I asked her what she was thinking and she told me “I just love that you can share your own truth so easily. It gives me hope that one day I won’t be afraid anymore and I can share mine.

That’s what society has done to us.

It has shut us up.

It has called us crazy and we believed it.

I have been called crazy so many times simply because I shared my truth.

I shared what really happened and could back it up with electronic communications once a long while back, and I was called a “psycho bitch”. And yet, everything I was sharing was right there in undeniable black and white. I was telling the truth, and even the people that had to believe me, still sided with the ones desperately trying to discredit me. I now know that this must have seemed like the safest thing to do. Why would anyone want that kind of venom injected into them for my sake? To show support for me was to turn the evil in their direction.

This happens all the time.

I even had someone leave a comment on one of my posts telling me to shut up with my psycho babble because I was calling out one of his friends. He wasn’t interested in reading the whole story. He didn’t care. He was only interested in silencing me because the truth is not something these people want known. They want to continue with their cycles of abuse and if more people get wise to their tactics, well then they’ll run out of victims eventually and have to start consuming each other.

Why don’t they just start doing that? Consume their own and leave the rest of us alone!

May the best narcissist win!

It is not just my responsibility to speak up, it’s everyone’s responsibility. You have the responsibility to NOT remain silent and I strongly suggest you start using it. People who keep quiet because it’s socially acceptable turn all of that hatred inward and slowly wither and die…quietly. That’s just wrong.

You don’t have to be bitter and hateful to share your truth. You just have to be willing to share it.

I’m not bitter at all about what has happened to me. I feel empowered! Grateful and enlightened. There are days when I regret the time I wasted, but it has led me to this place of strength I’m in now and that is awesome! If someone wants to label me “crazy”, then I dare them to do it with any kind of credibility. Now that I know what they are, I dare them.

I refuse to give them that kind of power over me again.

Stand tall.

Raise your hands in recovery and shout!

You are a malignant narcissist and you no longer control my world! You are the one that sounds crazy now. You are the one that needs to get over yourself, stop trying to manipulate me and move on!”

Now that you’ve pushed those shoulders back and pulled the hair out of your face, now that you’d on your feet again and smiling, let’s get to work building the next chapter of our lives! What’s the first room in our new house we need to furnish? Boundaries! We need some strong and healthy personal boundaries!

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About Madeline Scribes

A writer with a sense of humor. If anyone can laugh at life, it's me.
This entry was posted in All kinds of Advice, Personal Boundaries Primer and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

20 Responses to Get over it, stop talking about it and move on…No!

  1. greenembers says:

    Here here! Excellent post, I agree fully. I know I’ve felt better once I started sharing and speaking up.

    Like

    • madelinelaughs says:

      It has been incredibly liberating for me, even though I have lost “friends” in the process.

      What I finally realized was the “friends” I lost were triggered by the stories and truths I shared. When you start sharing and mirroring behaviors back, the people that see themselves in what you uncover will eventually turn away from it. It hurts at first, but when you discover these were not people you wanted in your life anyway, you get over feeling sad quickly.

      Sharing has a way of also cleaning out your closet for you.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m not religious, but I just gave to say Amen!!!!! Society does tell us to shut up, and I’m not complying anymore. I’m gonna speak my truth.

    Like

  3. afteramerica says:

    Here again is another BRILLIANT posting. One of your best ever. I’d love to call you live or talk on Skype. Why? I am a syndicated radio producer and we are living in a time where we have got to get the truth out.

    Right now I am seeing and experiencing more and more people being totally divided.

    Like

  4. OneHotMess says:

    I love this, but, dang! I have gotten more timid lately. The never-ending threats of the current feed source got to me. To heck with that! As an aside, you will probably now get a nasty message from the current feed source, but you know that already. πŸ˜‰ Silent no more, dammit!!

    Like

  5. Viola says:

    Great post…thanks for the follow and for linking to me…my first hospitalization for psychosis resulted in a therapy session where I was asked to explain what the idiom “it’s no use crying over spilled milk” means.

    Like

    • Thank you Viola πŸ™‚ I’m interested to know how you defined spilled milk to them. I have always loathed that phrase. It was one of my tyrannical grandmother’s favorite ones. Each time she used it on me I always envisioned a huge puddle of spilled milk and could never understand how it related to what i was upset about.

      Like

      • Viola says:

        Oh my thinking was disorganized so I just said something like the milk’s already spilled, there’s no reason to get upset about it. Pretty lame.

        Like

  6. Paula says:

    Crazy, tasteless, classless..and was even told that I was not reasonable or prudent. Fuck those losers. I’ll show them reasonable and prudent. πŸ™‚

    http://paularenee.wordpress.com/2012/09/08/any-reasonable-and-prudent-person-tells-the-truth/

    Liked by 1 person

    • I read your post and commented. That was so right on! Thank you for sharing the link πŸ™‚ More people need to know that when a person gets litigious, it just means you’re hitting a nerve they want to hide from the world.

      Like

  7. whine-wine-whatever says:

    Yes, shout your truth from a mountain top! There are so many who can benefit from the knowledge you’ve gained from your experience. I love that you’re sharing your new empowerment to enlighten others. They may be saved the pain and horror of dealing with a narcissist. And they may be able to chase some of the bad guys into the sewers, with the rats, where they belong.

    Witness testimony: You and your very core have been affected so deeply by the psychopath… uh, i mean sociopath. πŸ˜‰ You naturally want to know how the hell it happened to such an insightful and astute person. So you question yourself, even though it wasn’t about you. It was about him. You did nothing wrong, Madeline, except trust someone. I think, for most victims, it begins with being a trusting, open individual; isn’t that supposed to be a good thing? Except the sociopath counts on that in planning their nefarious machinations, and you don’t see it coming. Why? Because you trust him. It’s critical to remember that.

    Liked by 1 person

    • When I first started talking about my experiences I got the “hush up! don’t share that with people! they will think YOU’RE CRAZY!” and I listened to them…for a while. Then I decided that the people that listened to me and could still turn away thinking I was crazy, weren’t the people I needed to be involved with anyway. Thank you for being one of my listeners that has always shown support for my need to tell my experience because someday it just might save someone’s life if we all start sharing and stop being ashamed and shamed into silence.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Pingback: Social Aggression | Salem Witch Hunt

  9. Thanks to my father who stated to me regarding this webpage, this website is really amazing.

    Like

  10. Pingback: Pick ME! Pick ME! or else… | Madeline Scribes

  11. Love-Love-Love this! Brilliant! Thank you for sending me the link. πŸ™‚

    Like

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