by Madeline Laughs
A while back I was having a tearful conversation with a friend that had just broken up with her boyfriend. She was hurt and angry and could not understand why she couldn’t work it out with him. I asked her what happened when they were together.
“I yell and scream at him and he sits there and says nothing!”
I asked her if she had told him how she really felt and she was perplexed, “What do you mean? He knows I love him!”
Well, maybe not…if I were in his shoes, I wouldn’t feel terribly loved if I was being yelled at. I told her to try something different. I asked her to just tell him that she loved him, she was in love with him, and that she couldn’t imagine her life without him. He was the person she wanted to be with and she was willing to work on their issues with love.
They are together today and going stronger than ever.
I was speaking with another friend that is in a long term relationship and suspects he is drifting away now and might even be seeing another woman already.
I asked her if she had asked him about it. “I asked him why he didn’t tell me they had lunch together the other day and he said it was no big deal and they’re just friends.”
I asked her if she wanted to hear the truth from me, or if she just wanted me to tell her she was imagining things. She asked for the truth.
“Oh yeah! He’s stepping out on you. It might not be physical yet, but it’s headed in that direction and you need to confront him with this fact now and ask him what the deal is. Tell him it makes you uncomfortable and you want him to stop.”
She told me she was too afraid to ask him this. She said she was too deep into the relationship now and she was afraid if she pushed the issue that she’d lose him.
“Are you listening to what you just told me?” I asked her. “When you are deep into the relationship, having conversations like this should be easier, not harder. You should be able to talk to him about anything! Having a conversation about his indiscreet flirtations should definitely be something you can ask him about. Telling him that it makes you uncomfortable should be just as easy.”
When did we stop talking to each other?
Acting tough by pretending you aren’t hurt and yelling at the person you love will not send a message of love to them at all. It sends the message that you aren’t happy with them and that will lead to a break up.
Try being vulnerable. Tell the person how much you love them. Cry if you feel like it, but show someone soft and open to discussion rather than a hard angry, rock that wants to smash them.
Be the person you truly are with them, instead of the person that wants the world to know they don’t need anyone.
Pretending that your love’s new flirtation doesn’t bother you because you’re super secure in your relationship gives them permission to continue doing what they’re doing. It might even deceive them into thinking that what they’re doing is okay with you.
Instead of being casual and secure, tell them this makes you uncomfortable and maybe even a little jealous. Open the door for discussion about why they’re doing this. If there is a problem, this can be the first steps to working it out and making your relationship stronger.
Why sit over there and cry, when the person you need to be sharing your fears with is the person you’re in love with? If you’re too afraid to ask your love to explain his actions, or to change his behavior, then the question you need to ask yourself is why you’re afraid. If losing him is the reason for your silence, then perhaps losing him is a good idea.
When the lines of communication get blurred from fear of rejection, then your relationship is doomed. If you can’t talk to the person you get naked with, then the problems are a lot deeper than you’re admitting to yourself.
Love yourself enough to demand the respect you deserve.
Never be afraid to talk to the person you’re in love with about what’s bothering you.
Admit your vulnerability.
Love yourself so that they can love you too.
Start talking to each other.
- Best piece IMHO (right2rite.wordpress.com)
- Are You Afraid of Real Intimacy? (healthstream.typepad.com)
- The benefits & pitfalls of knowing WHY I want a romantic relationship (amusingspirit.wordpress.com)
- How to Build a Long Term Relationship (theheartoftwo.wordpress.com)
- She is just not into you! (earnbetta.wordpress.com)
- A Lady Called Felicita (adelineohvelarde.wordpress.com)
- Caring (wrotebyrote.blogspot.com)
- Love Is A Choice (loveanewteachingonlove.wordpress.com)
- How To Get The Partners in Our Relationships Make the Change We Would Like Them To Make (thoughtlifeconnect.wordpress.com)
- We Can’t Talk About It (thoughtcatalog.com)