Get ready….Here comes the Narcissistic Smear Campaign

by Madeline Laughs

shocked by truthAfter gleefully stalking, ridiculing and waging war to my silence for the last eight months, she finally set out on the Smear Campaign Trail yesterday by sending out messages claiming to be a victim of my abuse and asking people to delete me from Facebook.

Wow.

I guess allowing her to run roughshod over me for eight months just wasn’t enough for her.  

Narcissists are allergic to healthy boundaries and fairness. If you question the insensitive things they do or put any limits whatsoever on their bad behavior, you will be targeted for social, professional, or personal obliteration. Whatever narcissists perceive to be your psychological or situational weak spots will be their prime targets. 
For instance, if the narcissist knows that your greatest fear is social ridicule, that will be the main focus of the smear campaign. If he or she knows that recently, you made a mistake for which you feel guilty, that will be used against you. Narcissists know that the more effectively they can pinpoint your insecurities or flaws, the more successful they will be in eroding your confidence and your influence. And if they manage to do that, they stand a good chance of getting back the power they planned to do whatever they pleased with before you got in their way.

When friendships or other type of relationships with narcissists are over, smear campaigns by them are usually waged against the exes/survivors.

Narcissists will try to turn all your friends and family against you and convince everyone that THEY are the victims, not you. Since they have a lifetime of experience in pathological lying and playing the victim, they are pretty good at it.

One of the reasons they do this, is their fear of being exposed. The smear campaigns they wage are efforts to keep you in silence about their behavior and what they did to you. When you are in the throes of the aftermath, this can be a very painful experience and the pain can be so great, that you are unable to fight back. This is what the narcissists want.

Often, the narcissists have already spoken about you in derogatory terms, behind your back before the friendship/relationship is over. Their attempts to control you, are not limited to triangulations that you may not even be aware of during the relationship in their back stabbing.

The isolation that occurs as a result of their efforts, make it much more difficult when the friendship/relationship is over, to speak up for yourself or to cultivate support for yourself, when they have told everyone you both know, how crazy, unstable and mental you are. We can’t see that this is strategic, and just as it was in the relationships, to be a step ahead of you, to protect their masks, to keep control.

What is so painful about these smear campaigns, is that whatever it was that you told them about yourself, no matter how personal it will be shared with many others. Because you shared these intimate details, believing you were sharing in trust and love, some of what they say, can be just enough truth to make you feel that you have no defense, no way to protect yourself.

What the narcissists are doing to you, is the very thing they fear. EXPOSURE. The most cruel aspects to their smear campaigns is that they use your reactions in anger, frustration, and fear against you to create a portrait of a mentally unstable person in some way.

One of the clearest indicators you’ve got a mentally unstable person on your hands is smear campaigning. Smear campaigners carefully and strategically use lies, exaggerations, suspicions and false accusations to try destroying your credibility. They hide behind a cloak of upstanding heroism and feigned innocence in an attempt to make as many people as possible think their efforts are based not on their vindictiveness, but on upstanding concern.

As a smeared person, what you are most likely guilty of is saying no to someone who is, in some way, failing to respect your boundaries, refusing to follow the same rules as everyone else, or someone who is spreading toxicity and manipulating. Someone entitled. Someone sneaky and vindictive. Someone who is hurting you or taking too much.

While standing up for yourself is the right thing to do, toxic people simply don’t believe you have any right to refuse their mistreatment, and they will set out to punish you for having any opinions that differ from theirs.

Virtually all smear campaigners can be counted on to have traits of Cluster B personality disorders. Narcissists and sociopaths are among the most virulent smear campaigners, and histrionic and borderline people may also opt to smear those who upset them. Not surprisingly, these four disorders are classified as the dramatic and erratic high-conflict personalities.”

~shared from Never Smile at a Crocodile

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About Madeline Scribes

A writer with a sense of humor. If anyone can laugh at life, it's me.
This entry was posted in All kinds of Advice, Facebook Advice, Personal Boundaries Primer and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

31 Responses to Get ready….Here comes the Narcissistic Smear Campaign

    • I blocked her on Facebook the day I deleted her because I had a sneaking suspicion that when she started bullying me and overstepping my personal boundaries, that something was amiss with her personality. She officially started her smear campaign against me on that day. She posted pitiful comments, etc. about how she felt sorry for me and how pathetic I was. I let it go in one ear and right out the other. I knew, without a doubt, that my decision to end my connection to her and block her, was a good one.

      She has access to the blog. It’s public, so is the fanpage on Facebook. She has stalked both places for 8 months and used whatever I write to make nasty posts and comments about. Yesterday she told someone that YES she visits here often to get good tips…um, yeah right. Anything she has ever written about me or the blog has been demeaning and insulting.

      I just shrugged it off. But she’s escalating now and finally showing just how vindictive she is beneath the surface. She’s also lashing out at some of my friends and that’s when my hackles go up.

      Like

      • Callandra says:

        OR…you block them, and from then on you receive a message/friend request/profile view from a false profile they’ve made up, oh, 1-5 times per day, and if you are stupid enough to tell them to stop, they say that you are doing all that to them.

        Like

      • I wrote a post about this unique behavior too. It’s called deflection and they are the masters of it. The best way is to go No Contact and continue with your life. Know in your heart that the room they left behind is now being filled with good people and pretty soon, the personality disordered can’t hurt you anymore because you won’t care enough about them to be hurt anymore.

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      • Callandra says:

        P.S. The campaign from my attacker has gone on for 6 YEARS. And I’ve never personally met the person, it’s all online.

        Like

      • Wow! That’s a long time. Though I know folks that have endured longer, except it’s actually someone they know and/or have met in person.It makes you wonder of this person actually has any quality at all in their life.

        Like

  1. Papizilla says:

    Yikes. Kindergarten Bully Syndrome. Or as I affectionately call it “KBS”. Emphasis on the “BS”. For this to go on for 8 months though? Dang. Somebody needs a new hobby. Hopefully this person is outed as a hater and shunned for eternity.

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  2. I know exactly what you’re talking about. So true!

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    • I would love to re-blog so many of your posts Lynette. So many people suffer in these kinds of relationships and have absolutely no idea what’s happening to them.

      When I first discovered what kind of deviant personality I was dealing with I warned my friends, but I was very careful. I kept my conversations with them private and told them with as much love as I could muster, that he was not well in the head. I also told them numerous times that I was NOT asking them to delete him. I was more concerned that he keep as many healthy people in his presence as possible!! But I knew I had to remove myself from the spotlight because he was using their profile pages to say the most vile things about me and to tell lies. He would post paragraphs of vicious bullshit, he was even content to comment that I had said mean things to him about them. He knew I’d hear about it too. It was pathological. I held onto many of those same friends on Facebook as long as I dared before deciding to take my friendship with them off of the pages of Facebook. It nearly ruined my entire social networking experience.

      Since then I have been subjected (notice I’m not using the word victim) to two other narcissistic campaigns against me on there. They are always the same. I put up with crap from them on Facebook for as long as I can stand it. The nasty status updates, being named as someone they dislike, insulting comments, bullying, etc. and then I just call them out and show them how it looks. One woman even wrote a nasty song about me and had posted it on three separate social networking sites before I called her out for what she was doing!

      That’s when they hit the campaign trail. They go underground and start sending the threatening private messages. “YOU MUST DELETE HER! SHE’S SAYING I AM A NARCISSIST!!” It’s always the same threat, delete her, or I’ll delete you. It’s not about my behavior towards them on Facebook either because I never broach that subject on my profile or on my own fanpage (I might post memes that hit a nerve for them). I call them out right here…on my blog. Unless the friend they’re threatening is a Reader, then why would they need to delete me on Facebook? Oh, I know why…because to be my friend means it’s a vote for me. That’s a sick way of having friends and if that’s the only reason someone likes me, then I prefer to be deleted by them.

      That’s what the narc doesn’t realize. They aren’t being a good friend to anyone when they do that. Narcissistic campaigns have only one purpose; they feed the narc. Don’t ever feed the narc!

      Addendum: I said I never broach the subject on my fanpage, and I don’t. But once I call them out here on the blog, then all bets are off. Then I will broach the subject on my fanpage. I try to spread the information, but not so much with them in mind, but with the personality and the bad behavior in mind. People need to know what they’re going through and how to handle it with grace, instead of feeling powerless.

      Like

  3. Disillusioned says:

    If you haven’t done anything wrong, they’ll lie, fabricate, or put a total spin on something to make you look like a wrongdoer or ‘mentally unstable.’ They’ll use any kind of fallacy in their rhetoric that will get people to fall for their evil campaign against you, and unfortunately, they are often skilled and it works. People who are straight and honest don’t recognize the tactics for what they are. They lack familiarity and awareness because they don’t use them themselves. Knowledge of their methods is the key to resisting the cunning deception of the narcissists and psychopaths. The word is finally getting out! May this post go viral!

    Like

    • Thank you Disillusioned 🙂 There is 2 shares on Facebook and 1 pingback so far. Feel free to share it any where you like.

      Like

    • Disillusioned says:

      The intelligent abuser becomes a master of insidious innuendos because they are highly effective tools of manipulation, and also, because he knows that it could reflect negatively on himself if he badmouthed his target directly.

      Like

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  8. cindy knoke says:

    how awful for you! i’m sorry…..your likes have been erased which is so frustrating!

    Like

    • I wondered what was happening to the Likes on my posts. That is frustrating! I miss Zemanta too 😦

      No worries though, because my posts remain intact and are always here for someone to find that might need to see them. So there is a bright side 🙂

      Like

  9. Tiredofher says:

    This is a very powerful article about the way that sociopaths/narcissists work. I feel your pain. I have been the target of a small-town narc who uses her newspaper column, Facebook, comments on other people’s blogs, comments on news articles, etc. to make false accusations about me. She used to email links to her nasty comments to my spouse at work. Too bad for her: my spouse already informed his boss about her being “unwell”, because the work email won’t allow blocking of “spam”. It’s pretty obvious that she means to intimidate and humiliate my spouse by doing this, in the hopes that she will get reinstated from the past 12 years of cutoff. Only a narc would think this way: make nasty comments using her own name, with links to where she lives, so that her adult offspring can be identified. Make false child abuse accusations, in the hope that the child in question will be removed from parents and possibly given to her by Child Welfare officials (along with a nice, fat cheque for being a foster parent). Ain’t gonna happen.

    The best thing to do about these sick, twisted people is to expose their tactics. Bring them out into the light. They’re kind of like bacteria that way: light takes away their ability to spread sickness. Their bent minds cannot be fixed, but educating others about these societal dregs is a worthwhile effort.

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    • Human says:

      Disordered individuals with power are the bane of humanity, and it is these amoral, destructive personality types who seek and occupy positions where they are able to control others. Power without oversight is a recipe for abuse. Transparency must be demanded and their actions need exposure. A counter-force for positive change will become possible when a sufficient number of people see through the deceptions.

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  13. Nora says:

    This describes my “sister” perfectly. She has just ruined a second important relationship of mine, making at least three now that she has actively tried to sabotage.

    I have no choice but to isolate from my family somewhat, now that she has picked me off for isolation.

    But I feel hurt, disgusted and betrayed that my cousin, a close friend for years, allowed herself to be manipulated by her.

    The bigger truth is that narcissism runs in my family and I am disgusted by it. I have copped being the scape goat and am sick of getting the message that there is something wrong with me by people who have used ABUSE or have otherwise enabled abuse to instill this message.

    In other words, I know I have/ have had narcissistic or aspergers characteristics my self. However, it has still been a case of the pot having called the kettle black and I likewise am disgusted with the hypocrisy and the abusive tactics that go with behaviour of these hypocrits.

    I actually find my self hoping that me “sister” gets a painful terminal illness because having to bear the burden of sharing close relatives who I still want some relationship with, and who listen to her toxic never ending character assassination of me, is painful.

    I long for the day when her children are teenagers as I desparately wish to barely have contact with her ever again.

    She spread a rumor that I was psychotic or pre-psychotic. The fact that my therapist at the time refused to ever give me such a diagnosis (and I have the written proof to show this) made no difference. She destroyed one relationship of mine in this was, and tried to destroy the one with my own mother. Both people then began to fear I would pull a knife and go all psycho …very powerful prjudice to instill, and she had no qualms whatsoever over the fact that a qualified professional with years of experience had never given me this label that she readily handed out.

    It caused me great extra pain and misery, on top of my anxiety disorder -in part, if not totally, due to in fact having been set up for social assassination/getting mobbed by a narcissistic boss in my first year of work.

    I believe that I sadly attract these toxic types. That my clumsy more autistic like lack of social awareness, marks me out as easy prey. That, on top of this, because they are strategically cruel people, they assume that when I have been insensitive and egoccentricallly lacking in empathy, that it was deliberate. I am mortified after to learn how I have come across – and these predators destroy what vestige of social confidence I had.

    Then when I have developed social anxiety disorder and cannot leave my house and am suicidal, they call me psychotic – when they helped push me close to falling off the edge.

    It has gotten so that I am sick of my family. They are all twisted. Almost all of them display narcissistic selfish traits and this includes a serious lack of forgiveness or mercy for the same traits in others. All they know is to bully, to attack, to tear down. It is only all-or-nothing.
    There is little to no sense of mercy. And one person ends of copping the bulk of the burden on responsibility for the collective family selfish lack of empathy. And if one dares break their imposed rank as saintly martyr – they are swiftly attacked and turned on. Because there is no sense of respect for boundaries or of assertive behaviour – bullying is virtually all that my family seems really to comprehend.

    Like

    • I had to read your comment through a couple of times and I want to respond to some of the points you make here. Hopefully I can shed some light on your experience, as well as give you some things to think about.

      She has just ruined a second important relationship of mine, making at least three now that she has actively tried to sabotage.
      There is no doubt she’s trying to sabotage your relationships. That’s what narcs do, but if she is successful in ruining them, then are these really people you want to be in a relationship with? I wouldn’t think so. Move on and forget about the ones that fall under her spell. They truly aren’t worth your time.

      I have no choice but to isolate from my family somewhat, now that she has picked me off for isolation.

      She can’t isolate you from anyone. She doesn’t have that kind of superpower, so don’t make her bigger than what she is. If you want to see your family, then see your family. Don’t allow her to dictate your movements. Knowing that she might be able to hurt you like this probably gets her off anyway. So why feed her narcissism? Starve her.

      I actually find my self hoping that me “sister” gets a painful terminal illness

      Uh…no no no no no… this is what a narc would say! No matter how much I dislike what a narc has done to me I always reserve some kind of pity for them. I don’t wish them ill harm at all because that would mean I’m no better than they are. And I know I’m better because I’m mentally healthier. Re-think harboring this kind of venom. It never hurts them, but it adds a lot of darkness to your own heart.

      The great thing is that you know what the problem is, so do yourself a favor and go “no contact” with the people that are hurting you. Don’t wall yourself up in your home hiding from life. Get out there and live your life under your terms. If your family doesn’t respect your boundaries, you don’t have to associate with them. It really is that simple.

      Let me know how you’re doing.

      Like

  14. flossy says:

    What do I do if the narcissist is my brother’s partner, my very ill brother, I challenged her about something dispicable she did that I witnessed, namely deleting a, get well wish, text message from his daughter on the morning of a major operation. I havent told my brother nor his daughter as it would cause immense stress for him at the moment, she is now posting passive aggressive facebook comments, 2 or 3 a day, I only dread to think what she says to my brother, if I cut her out of my life I risk losing my brother, if I challengeher I risk being misquoted, you see my brother has undergone a laryngectomy through throat cancer, the only contact I have with him is via text message as I live 70 miles away, I do visit him but always in her presence, I know she reads his texts and facebook, I cant say anything to him as he is very vulnerable at the moment, please help, I am at despair level. X

    Like

    • Dear Flossy,
      I was glad to see that you didn’t tell on her for what she did. To do that would be giving her the kind of attention she wants, even though it’s negative attention. It plays into her drama. She feeds on your distress, which is probably why she wasn’t more sneaky about being deceitful. They are like that. They get off on it!

      She has placed herself in a position of complete control over your brother, which is quite sad. You need to find yourself an advocate to communicate with him. I’m not sure how you would go about that, but contact some local counselling services, perhaps the social service department where you live too. Let them know what is happening and ask for their advice and assistance. When someone is ill like your brother, abuse is frowned upon. What she is doing could be termed as abuse. Check it out and keep us posted.

      Like

  15. Dupo says:

    Someone is doing this to me. And it’s to hide something they did to me.

    Long, silly story: I was dating a guy. Very early into our relationship we discovered that his male best friend was hacking into his Facebook account and deleting my messages (in Facebook you can check the IP addresses of logins in the past 6 months – he also discovered he’d been logging into his account for far longer than we’d dated). My boyfriend challenged said friend, he denied it. They fell out. What do you suppose happened next? The weirdo friend started a smear campaign against me, so some of my boyfriend’s friend’s were frosty with me. I think he was putting it out there that I was a bitch and he’d warned my bf, who hadn’t listened and they fell out. My bf never told people what his friend did for some weird reason and had this ‘We can rise above this’ attitude. You’re better than this etc. Gradually people started to see I wasn’t an evil harpy and stopped listening to the smear campaign. Weirdo friend then stopped.

    Then my bf and I had a mutual break up 2 years on, and have stayed very good friends. By this point I’d become part of the friendship group and good friends with some of the people in the group. That is until recently. Because my ex is a nice person, he chose to forgive his friend and start speaking again recently. This gave his friend a window to clearly start another smear campaign. I turned up to a birthday meal recently and had a frosty welcome from the people I felt had become my friends. This weirdo friend is always really nice to me in front of everyone, and I feel he does that on purpose so that when he tells his lies, people have no reason to doubt him.

    I don’t know what to do. My ex is still very much preaching, ‘Rise above it. People will realise you’re a good soul.’ I feel like confiding in one of the people who I feel is actually my friend, but starting to turn frosty, about what the weirdo guy did and why exactly he and my ex stopped speaking. I know my ex will not want me to do this, but I feel it’s the only way to stop it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am so sorry you’re having to go through this. It always sucks when people are so feeble-minded that they can’t find anything better to talk about than other people. I am going to give you some awesome advice and my opinion on the situation as you’ve told it to me here.

      First of all, your ex-boyfriend is a chump and an enabler. If you hadn’t already broken it off with him, I would have strongly advised it. He should have been your champion from the start and he definitely should have let people know what his weirdo friend was up to. Do you know why your old boyfriend kept telling you to rise above it? It’s because he was either too lazy, or too much of a pussy, to deal with it like a real boyfriend would have. He was not a good boyfriend and from the sound of it, he’s an even worse friend.

      Who knows how many other folks are suffering from that creep’s spying on their Facebook accounts? In America that kind of behavior is a felony and his butt would be locked up in jail by now. (I’m guessing you’re from across the pond from your vernacular. I’m not sure what your laws are like over there, but I’m sure this is against the law there too.) Which means he’s deviant and has no problem breaking laws or codes of loyalty. He definitely fits the description of a malignant narcissist.

      As for the frosty friends I have to ask you…even if they changed their attitudes once you told them the truth, are those really people you want to spend any quality time with? Please, say NO. Real friends would never treat you badly based on something someone else told them. Those are not the kinds of friends you want to develop anymore. Let’s move on and away and find better people to hang out with that treat you with the respect and love you deserve. And trust me, if you have put up with the likes of these assholes for the last two years then you deserve really awesome friends!!

      Lastly, (and this is all in caps because you need to hear this) DO NOT CONFRONT THE NARC! and DO NOT CONFIDE IN ANY OF THE FRIENDS ABOUT WHAT THE NARC HAS DONE! Those people that run in that circle of friends are not your friends. They are flying monkeys and anything you think you’re telling any one of them in secret is going to blow up in your face and they will make it so much worse for you to walk away without a lot of metaphorical bruises and scars.

      My most heartfelt advice to you is to walk away from these people. Don’t take anymore of their calls, and don’t call them. Block their texts and delete their emails. You’re done with their drama. Use all of your newly freed up time to make new friends, or to spend more time with the good friends you already have. When you start putting yourself first and taking care of yourself better, you’ll realize that you deserve good friends. Surround yourself with positive and involved individuals and you’ll soon forget this other crazy band of pranksters.

      Let me know how it’s going and know that I’ll be right here to support you and advise you if you need me. Take care and I’m sending you the good winds of friendship to get your journey started.

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