by Madeline Laughs
After gleefully stalking, ridiculing and waging war to my silence for the last eight months, she finally set out on the Smear Campaign Trail yesterday by sending out messages claiming to be a victim of my abuse and asking people to delete me from Facebook.
I guess allowing her to run roughshod over me for eight months just wasn’t enough for her.
“Narcissists are allergic to healthy boundaries and fairness. If you question the insensitive things they do or put any limits whatsoever on their bad behavior, you will be targeted for social, professional, or personal obliteration. Whatever narcissists perceive to be your psychological or situational weak spots will be their prime targets.
For instance, if the narcissist knows that your greatest fear is social ridicule, that will be the main focus of the smear campaign. If he or she knows that recently, you made a mistake for which you feel guilty, that will be used against you. Narcissists know that the more effectively they can pinpoint your insecurities or flaws, the more successful they will be in eroding your confidence and your influence. And if they manage to do that, they stand a good chance of getting back the power they planned to do whatever they pleased with before you got in their way.
When friendships or other type of relationships with narcissists are over, smear campaigns by them are usually waged against the exes/survivors.
Narcissists will try to turn all your friends and family against you and convince everyone that THEY are the victims, not you. Since they have a lifetime of experience in pathological lying and playing the victim, they are pretty good at it.
One of the reasons they do this, is their fear of being exposed. The smear campaigns they wage are efforts to keep you in silence about their behavior and what they did to you. When you are in the throes of the aftermath, this can be a very painful experience and the pain can be so great, that you are unable to fight back. This is what the narcissists want.
Often, the narcissists have already spoken about you in derogatory terms, behind your back before the friendship/relationship is over. Their attempts to control you, are not limited to triangulations that you may not even be aware of during the relationship in their back stabbing.
The isolation that occurs as a result of their efforts, make it much more difficult when the friendship/relationship is over, to speak up for yourself or to cultivate support for yourself, when they have told everyone you both know, how crazy, unstable and mental you are. We can’t see that this is strategic, and just as it was in the relationships, to be a step ahead of you, to protect their masks, to keep control.
What is so painful about these smear campaigns, is that whatever it was that you told them about yourself, no matter how personal it will be shared with many others. Because you shared these intimate details, believing you were sharing in trust and love, some of what they say, can be just enough truth to make you feel that you have no defense, no way to protect yourself.
What the narcissists are doing to you, is the very thing they fear. EXPOSURE. The most cruel aspects to their smear campaigns is that they use your reactions in anger, frustration, and fear against you to create a portrait of a mentally unstable person in some way.
One of the clearest indicators you’ve got a mentally unstable person on your hands is smear campaigning. Smear campaigners carefully and strategically use lies, exaggerations, suspicions and false accusations to try destroying your credibility. They hide behind a cloak of upstanding heroism and feigned innocence in an attempt to make as many people as possible think their efforts are based not on their vindictiveness, but on upstanding concern.
As a smeared person, what you are most likely guilty of is saying no to someone who is, in some way, failing to respect your boundaries, refusing to follow the same rules as everyone else, or someone who is spreading toxicity and manipulating. Someone entitled. Someone sneaky and vindictive. Someone who is hurting you or taking too much.
While standing up for yourself is the right thing to do, toxic people simply don’t believe you have any right to refuse their mistreatment, and they will set out to punish you for having any opinions that differ from theirs.
Virtually all smear campaigners can be counted on to have traits of Cluster B personality disorders. Narcissists and sociopaths are among the most virulent smear campaigners, and histrionic and borderline people may also opt to smear those who upset them. Not surprisingly, these four disorders are classified as the dramatic and erratic high-conflict personalities.”
~shared from Never Smile at a Crocodile
- Smear Campaigners (iamnotawitch.wordpress.com)
- Smear Campaign Tactics (chickenlist.wordpress.com)
- Standard Smear Campaign Tactics (myexfriends.wordpress.com)
- Bush and Obama: Dangerous Narcissists (thepeoplesvoice.org)