Muah!, muuu..wtf is that noise you’re making?!

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I dated a guy once that loved to use the “muah, muah” as a sign of endearment. I’m not talking about the act of blowing a kiss or making a kissing sound, or even planting a kiss on me. When I say he liked to use the “muah, muah”, I mean he liked actually saying those sounds out loud.

MOOO-WAAAH, MOOO-WAAAAH!

Say that out loud to yourself and you’ll get my drift.  

At the end of every phone call this was his standard closing. Mooo-waaah! Mooo-waaah! The first time he did it I had no idea how to respond, so I said “Um…thank you?” And he would wrap it up again by adding “Okay baby. I’ll talk to you tomorrow then. Mooo-wah!”

Let’s be serious! There’s the standard Muah! to one of our girlfriends as an air kiss goodbye after lunch. There’s the pert little Muah dahling! as a comment on a thread with a bunch of your gal pals indicating you get it or you think they’re awesome enough for a Muah! But THIS IS NOT A TERM INVENTED FOR GUYS TO USE!

GUYS DO NOT MUAH! ANYONE! EVER! Unless you’re dressed up like Liza Minnelli from the musical Cabaret, you do not engage the Muah! Even then I’m thinking you’ll need some kind of license to drop the Muah! bomb.

Besides Muah! was meant to be said quickly. It’s more like a short grunt than this  scary, drawn out and sticky thing this guy turned it into.

It was bad enough he started closing our phone calls with this creepy Muah!, but he started leaving them on my answering machine too. I would play them back for my friends and we would howl!

One night I decided I’d give him a dose of his own medicine and when he blasted me with the first Moooo-waaaah! I gave it right back to him and really laid on the Southern accent, “Muuuu-waaaaaaw! yourself”! I was grinning ear to ear because I could hear how ridiculous I sounded and just knew he would start to wonder if he sounded just as stupid. I was shocked when he came back with another one “Mooo-waaah!” so I answered him again “Muuuuu-Waaaw!” 

Trying not to piss myself giggling, I could not believe our conversation was being reduced to two adults on the phone sounding like milk cows instead of lovers.

I never could break him of the habit. I have a strong feeling that the misused Muah! probably colored my feelings for him enough to eventually dump him like a hot potato.

My husband has never given me a Muah!. When we text he sends Kisses! and I send Kisses Back!, but he would never Muah! me, ever. He has never blown a kiss to me over the phone either. I think that’s another creepy thing people do.

Have you ever heard a kiss blown over the phone?

It’s not a sexy sound.

Don’t do it.

If you have someone in your life that has mistakenly employed the Muah! as their term of endearment, here’s a good comeback…

“Honey? Are you okay? I know it’s allergy season, but one little Claritin Reditab will take care of that frog in your throat in no time at all!”

Until next time, this is Madeline Laughs with a kiss for all of you! Stand back because it’s a wet one!

Pffffffft!!

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About Madeline Scribes

A writer with a sense of humor. If anyone can laugh at life, it's me.
This entry was posted in All kinds of Advice and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Muah!, muuu..wtf is that noise you’re making?!

  1. whine-wine-whatever says:

    Thanks for clearing that up. Nearly wet myself, reading that. Sheesh, it would take me ONE DATE with a guy who said “Mooo-Waaah” and he’d be relegated to the “NOWAYINHELL” pile. At least you got a high-larious story out of it. Heeeee!

    Like

  2. Do you think it is specifically the Muah or the fact that he was using a weird voice (probably) for it that sounded artificial? People making odd voices or mimicking annoy me. I wouldn’t be able to deal with a Muaher either.

    Like

  3. nikkifrankhamilton says:

    Girl, I am rolling…read it out loud to the hubby…it is even more funny out loud!!!!!!!!!! Muah! To you!

    Like

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