by Madeline Laughs
I am so weary of people using that phrase “The Universe Provides”.
I too believe in the Universe, although you will never hear me say it has provided me with anything of a material nature. It has *spoken* to me and sent me *signs*. I treat it as more of an “AHA!” or an epiphany, or whatever you want to call those bright shining moments when something comes into full clarity.
The Universe has never provided me with a new car though.
The Universe helps those that help themselves. However, it does not condone helping yourself to whatever your friends and neighbors have. Especially when you do so in a manipulative and malicious manner.
That is not the Universe.
That is you, being a jerk.
I know this guy that wants everyone to think he’s some kind of self actualized deity/guru. For a long time I believed that he had a direct line to the Universe. Being soothed with talk of living a life based in abundance. Wishing for things to come true. Thoughts become things. All of that sounded so good to me.
The problem is that it only sounded good to me on the surface. When you have an analytical mind you tend to dismantle items like dogma to find the source of truth in them. Dogma is not meant to be dismantled. It is meant to be followed blindly. You are asked to have faith. I have faith in logic and I have faith in truth.
The unraveling of a guru can be stressful. Like the stupid fish that bit down on the bait and ended up with a hook lodged in its lips, I began to thrash and gasp for air. I fought against being reeled in and demanded an explanation.
I never got one.
But I became one of the lucky ones that got away before my captor could suck the proverbial life out of me.
The Universe does not provide free housing, free trips to the beach, endless jobs, sex, parties or even forgiveness. The Universe does not provide anything, except clarity and perception.
If you’re being showered with the luxuries of living, it is not the Universe holding the water hose, it’s your friends. And you are not a guru or a deity. You are a mooch.
[mooch] Show IPA Slang .
Someone who spews dogma in an effort to gain control or monetary compensation is running a scam. They are no better than a common grifter and they have a driving force that propels them from one drama and circumstance to another. They have carefully planned each stage of their contrivance with a goal in mind. It could be money, drugs, possessions or any number of items or comforts they covet for themselves.
Rest assured, they have their eye on a prize.
How do you separate the good from the bad?
Should you be suspicious of anyone you come in contact with that wants to share a few feel-good feelings? My best advice is to rely on your own instincts and to listen to mutual friends for their opinions. Even after those gatekeepers are in place, if you don’t know this person well, stay on guard until you do.
Never loan money to friends. Mixing money with friendships doesn’t always end well. After many mistakes made along the way, I will never mix business with friends again. Unless I have a very clear understanding in the beginning of expectations of the outcome, I won’t mix money, especially if it is money I’m counting on to take care of myself.
Be cautious of someone that constantly has their hand out. Friends will help you move, they will watch your pets and babysit, all for free. A Mooch will offer to help you move and then see one of your possessions he likes and steal it. A Mooch will plunder your drawers and closets to find your bank statements or read your private letters.
A Mooch has no conscience, no morality.
A Mooch will wait until the dinner bill comes and make an excuse to leave the table…and wait for you in the parking lot.
A Mooch is not above using blackmail to keep you in check. More often than not, someone with a hidden motive is extremely interested in your personal thoughts, feelings and situations. They look for a weakness they can exploit, a button they can easily push. Some may pass themselves off as counselors with the promise of confidentiality “You can tell me anything!” Once they know your secrets, they have you by the balls. A spat with a spouse, a hidden journal, your addictions, your weaknesses and your troubles can all be used against you unless you comply and provide.
Then YOU become their Universe.
One of my friends told me that this kind of person is like toilet paper stuck to your shoe. You leave the restroom, not knowing you’re dragging around this piece of toilet tissue, and yet it stays stuck to you. When you finally notice it’s there and try to detach, it sticks to your other shoe, then it sticks to your hand, then your fingers, as you shake and pull trying to get it off of you. Meanwhile people around you have noticed and they look away, embarrassed for you and your plight. No one ever wants to point out the toilet paper stuck to your shoe. They’d rather you discovered it on your own.
I think this is a pretty accurate description.
No matter that you helped them out of a jam, or that you loaned them thousands of dollars when they were flat broke, or that you remained a faithful friend when you knew they were gossiping about you, or that you gave them glowing reviews when others asked about them.
Nothing is sacred once they’re cut loose.
If you find yourself under the thumb of a Mooch my best advice is to find your own exit first. Even then, you’ll experience some kind of fall-out, so be prepared.
But don’t worry!
The Universe will always provide you with clarity and perspective.
The difference between you and the Mooch is that they will never achieve anymore than what they currently have because the Universe stopped providing these two vital life landscapes for them a long time ago. With perspective you will grow and be enriched from the experience, while the Mooch will remain impotent, empty, morally destitute and in search of their next mark.
Until we cross paths again, may the Universe continue to provide for those that deserve. And may the Mooches of this Universe wake up one day and realize the destruction they have rained down upon everyone else has come back around to meet them square in the face….and may they finally have clarity and perspective.
- Mooch Has a Friend (triing2survive.wordpress.com)
- The many different kinds of mooches: a short list (icecubesinthefreezer.wordpress.com)
- Just Dealing with a Mooch (lunaticoutpost.com)
- Much mooching from Moocho (fortcollinsfoodie.wordpress.com)
- Mooching in Camden (girlwithadogandgoodshoes.wordpress.com)