One day a few years ago I had a thought about recent disconnections and decided to do some internal inventory.
I tend to speak my mind and confront duplicity head-on. How many people have I pissed off in the past few years? One friend told me that if I wasn’t putting the truth in someone’s face and pissing them off on a regular basis, then I wasn’t speaking loud enough. I’m not sure that’s my intention or even a goal I should aspire to, so I think I’ll just stick with the way I’ve been doing things and see where that takes me.
I decided to make a list to see where that led.
There were quite a few people on my list. I’m sure there could be many more, but these were the worst ones. I looked at my list and scored these folks on which ones still bothered me and which ones I had truly let go of.
The list narrowed to 3 people.
While I’m doing this Sex and the City is playing in the background.
The three people left on the list were the most heinous. It’s true, people will forget all of the things you ever did for them, but they will never forget how you made them feel. That goes both ways. They don’t forget it if you made them feel good either. It’s just too bad that this wasn’t the case here.
Then I hear Samantha on SATC say “If I worried about what every bitch in New York City said about me I’d never leave the house!”
I realized that the show playing was all about what was motivating me to make this list.
I hadn’t even really been listening to it.
So I paid attention to the last 15 minutes and it closed with “It doesn’t matter what the reviews are that other people give you. What matters are the reviews you give yourself.”
I ripped up my list.
I decided a long time ago to stop listening to other people’s reviews concerning me. My ignorance where this is concerned has certainly been blissful. What I finally started listening to is my gut. I used to ignore that tiny niggling voice whenever it came calling mainly because I didn’t want to hear it. I wasn’t prepared to follow it’s direction because it usually meant I was giving credit to the wrong person and that voice was telling me to cut it out. I wasn’t prepared to do that in most cases.
When I finally started listening to my gut, I realized the number of people in my life that were taking up space they had never earned, nor deserved.
That’s when life got very interesting.
You’d think that finding out you’re attached to a bunch of folks that do nothing but make your life dark, dreary and depressing would be enough to send you right over the edge, but quite the opposite is true. Once you can see them, you can get rid of them. And that’s just what I did.
I stopped listening to their reviews of my life. After all, who were they? I stopped giving them my time, my energy and my light. Pretty soon they disappeared and what I was left with was a warm and comfortable place, filled a light of my own.
Don’t allow the negativity of someone else rule your space.
If the people on that list truly deserved you at all, there would be no need to make a list.
Rip it up and walk out into the light.
- For the love of Sex and the City. (klbragg.wordpress.com)
- The Single Life (juliagoolia1920.wordpress.com)
- Which Character Are You? (s9williams.wordpress.com)
- Seduced by Cattrall in Sweet Bird of Youth (ferrettreasures.wordpress.com)
- Carrie Bradshaw Ain’t the Only Game in Town (bbjkissell.typepad.com)