I checked in on an old friend to see how she was doing, and I went to have a look at her social networking space to read some of her recent posts. I was surprised that the underlying theme for almost every entry was about how “hard” it all is.
“it’s a hard one to learn”
“it’s hard, but you gotta do it”
“it’s hard to let go”
With all of the “I’m thankful” posts going around these days, this tiny peek into her psyche made me thankful that she and I no longer connect. I know, I probably shouldn’t even bother, but there is a small part of me that wishes she was different. I can just keep wishing because the reason I shied away from her before and the reasons I stay away from her now, are still prominent. The negativity. The “shoulds” and the need to pull people down and make them feel kind of hopeless. I didn’t like it then, and I surely don’t like it now either. I feel sorry for the people that are still exposed to it on a daily basis.
What in the world is it with people that constantly lean towards the negative?
Or are they under the mistaken impression that they are saying something positive?
Hello?! You are not being positive when you say stuff like this! It’s about as negative as you can possibly get without telling others to go ahead and slash their wrists because…..IT IS SO FUCKING HARD!
Life is not that hard.
Moving on is not that hard.
Everything you do in life and how you process the ups and downs, depends largely on your own attitude. If your outlook is only turned towards the idea that everything is going to be difficult to get past, then you will spend a majority of your time rooted firmly in the past.
There is only one thing that will stay with you for years to come, and that is the death of a loved one.
Everything else is easily processed and put to rest. Seriously, everything else. Losing a job, being evicted, healing from a sickness, etc. Everything else can be patched and life can go on. I’m not saying you will ever forget what happened, but after a month or two you will find a place for it and it won’t have a devastating affect on your daily existence. Sure, you’ll learn a lesson, or two, that will help in your future, and that’s always a great thing.
But if you are still bemoaning how HARD it is after a year has passed, then the problem is you and how you are NOT handling life with a good attitude. You are the reason life and it’s lessons are so HARD…on YOU. Please, do your friends a favor and figure out why, instead of smothering them in platitudes about how hard life is for YOU.
How does someone move on?
I’m not sure how I’ve been able to move on from some of the misadventures in my own life, but I have. Sure there are still some that I like to write about, but it doesn’t mean I am a quivering bowl of jello and unable to cope. It just means I have something to say about it. I am responsible with my words when I talk about those times. I think about the lessons I can share with others that might be experiencing the same things I did in the past and the last thing I would ever want them to think is that getting past this and moving on is going to be a hard thing to do.
Why would I bother sharing if I thought the end result might be nearly impossible for them to achieve?
What purpose does that serve?
Oh, I get it now…if I make it look like it was a hard hurdle to jump, then that makes me look like I’m a superhero, right?
Ha! That’s right!
It’s a hard one, but look at me!
I did it! I’m still doing it!
I’m a superhero!
Oh yeah! You really had me going there for a minute! Is that it? If I can make life look like it’s Rocky Road Ice Cream, without the sweetness, then I can garner enough praise to stroke my own deflated and needy ego?! Woe is me! Life is HARD!
Life is hard and lessons are hard to learn for only one reason.
You didn’t get your way.
That’s right, you spoiled rotten brat. You didn’t get your way. You didn’t get to control the situation. It didn’t go the way you demanded it go and now getting past it is, oh so hard, because you still haven’t figured out that the problem is not the situation. The problem is you and your own sense of entitlement. This is where your bewilderment comes from. This is why it’s become a self serving daily obsession in your life.
The only way life is ever going to be easy for you is when you start being good to yourself and the people that stick around for you.
No matter what is on your plate today, take a moment to size it up and then find a solution that works for you. Don’t think of it as a problem, think of it as a challenge or an adventure and look forward to the other side. Trust me, the other side is always going to be brighter when you can face life with a positive attitude and you let the hard times roll on away from you.
It’s not hard baby, it’s life and life is good.