Who does lying really hurt? You or Them?


The one overwhelming issue I have carried around with me for my whole life is something I am not even sure I can fix now. I’m not even sure if it could be considered something that is broken, but I do know that every single time it gets activated, I feel broken.

I recently wrote about my own adoption and how that whole process went down for me as a child. It was my first exposure to a virus that would infect me for the rest of my days.

I was exposed to duplicity and lies.  

Many times in my writing I talk about how much I dislike liars and being lied to. Many times I have written about exposing liars and how I’ve gone about doing it. Some posts border on obsession because a liar is a mission to me. Sometimes I think if I can expose the liars then my faith might be restored to some sort of normalcy. But that’s ridiculous because every time I figure out someone has lied, I am less inclined to believe the next person.

This implies that something is definitely broken and keeps getting broken over and over again.


My problem is that I don’t like being told one thing, when the opposite thing is actually the truth. I don’t like to be told something, just because other people think it’s what I want to hear, or what I need to hear, or because it’s all they think I need to know, or they are afraid to tell me the truth. Even when they think it’s for my own good.

I don’t like to be tricked.

I want to be able to take people at their word. I want to believe what they tell me and not constantly second guess them in my head. I want to know that I am worthy of the truth.

Is that so much to ask?

Please tell me the truth.

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As a little kid, my foundation got the crap rocked out of it and as an adult I find myself going back and trying to fill in those same old cracks. I still haven’t found the perfect concoction of cement and paper mache glue that will ever make that crack stay closed up tight.

How do you ever get over this?

When you are lied to by someone, what the person telling you the lie just does not understand is that while they might be lying to keep from hurting you, finding out that they lied hurts far worse than whatever small truth there ever was. You might think the person will be angry with you for lying, but their anger for you about lying to them is miniscule compared to the anger they turn on themselves.

When people lie to me it makes me feel unworthy of the truth.

Holy crap! I fell for it again!

How stupid am I?

It makes me feel disrespected.

It makes me feel untrustworthy.

It sends a clear message to me that you don’t care about me.

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Knowing this, was your lie worth it?

Now it means that a relationship I counted on and believed in, was a lie.

That makes me feel very alone.

The answer to the question; Who does lying really hurt? You or Them? is Them. Lying hurts the person you lie to. Even if you are trying not to hurt them, the second that lie leaves your lips, you have hit them squarely in the heart with a poison dart and they might never recover from it.

Lying is the number one killer of all kinds of relationships.

fear-is-a-liar 3

I have decided that I will take small steps to build trust. I will trust in myself and other people, one day at a time. I will repair the damage down to my foundation, one day at a time. One day at a time is about all I can manage because restoring faith in people can be an overwhelming task, just by itself. Rebuilding the amount of damage that I have allowed to take place is not something I can ever do all at one time, if at all.

Here’s the thing…if I know you’ve told me a lie, even a white lie, usually I just walk away from you without a word. But if I care about you, then I might say something to you about it. It takes a huge amount of effort for me to SAY SOMETHING to you about it, so don’t run away and pout because you got caught lying.

Just tell me why you did it.

Tell me that I really am your friend and you are sorry you did it.


Tell me that it may happen again. Find out if that’s okay with me. Maybe if I know it’s going to happen occasionally, I might be able to get past some lies in my life without having it be complete devastation of another connection.

How do you deal with being lied to?

Is being lied to a deal breaker for you?

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About Madeline Scribes

A writer with a sense of humor. If anyone can laugh at life, it's me.
This entry was posted in All kinds of Advice and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Who does lying really hurt? You or Them?

  1. Pingback: Pooh-poohing the LIE | Madeline Scribes

  2. oldpoet56 says:

    A good friend of mine from years ago had a saying that I have always remembered,”we shall see what we shall see”. The meaning is simple, when a person tells me something, about something, now, we shall see if what you have said is the truth, something that time shows to be the truth,or not.



  3. thierry says:

    Hello Madeline, thank you for your great lies articles… please contact me thierry (at) ontheroadtohonesty (dot) com


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