As you can imagine, I have known some liars throughout my lifetime. There are some days in my life where I feel like I am a bonafide Liar Magnet. When the movie entitled Liar, Liar came out, I did not go to see it. I did not think it’s was funny and it made my fanship of Jim Carrey suffer a tiny blow.
I don’t think liars are funny.
I know what you might be thinking. Yeah, I really do. You’re thinking “What’s the big dealio? Everybody tells lies!” and you’d be correct because everyone does tell lies. Even George Washington and his cherry tree was a lie. Never happened.
Even I have told lies…BIG ONES! Let’s not forget that I’m the kid that told everyone my birth parents were dead. So hey! What’s the big deal there, huh? Why is telling lies a biggie? Right? A little white lie never hurt anything! Right?!
IT IS A BIG DEAL!
Telling lies keeps you from facing the truth.
Telling lies buries you deep enough that you never have to face what you fear.
Telling lies hurts. It hurts you and it really hurts the person you tell lies to.
Allow me to quote the most notorious liar I have ever personally known…
“You have not been welcomed into the trust circle yet..There could be reason’s that we wanted someone to think we are somewhere..I asked you to just be cool, Be real frosty cool..I want to trust you… I thought I explained when Im taliking about my work,Dont pick it apart! Dont go fishing….. And you went 180..I wanted some of the guys I work with who are on my friends list to think our group has gone…But ,I got the frickin ISP cops up my ass..Why? Cause you needed to know.Even though Paul said they will TALK in person when she gets here,Wont that be nice to TALK then?>.But no!.She need to fuckin know…The dope..Why Not, To maybe get me fired and charged with something..Just to see if hes lying…..I know this sounds all 007 but what I do is sought after on Wall Street as much as the Kremlin..I cant get that threw your head so I ll tell ya…We are not nice people.So now I invite you into a secret group All of the rest of us and other have been members since the git go,And what..So Tell my friends I was lying? Why,Just why involve them if you are lied to? What could they have said to make you tell them I was lying? Why dont you let me worry about that wither they are told the truth ,a lie,or a cool story from me.”
This is from a 52 year old man with substance abuse issues, that lived in an apartment on disability and government welfare assistance. He never worked for any spy agencies and he hadn’t worked in almost 18 years when he wrote this. He was claiming that he was a spy and had just been deployed to Afghanistan on a secret mission for the Department of Defense. This was a lie he was telling me and all of his new friends on Facebook.
I told them he was lying, because he was, and later on I had to prove he was lying. But he never had to prove he wasn’t lying. No one ever put him on the hot seat. No one ever confronted him about his lies, but me. It wasn’t because I disliked my friend. I disliked his lies and I didn’t like being deceived or watching him deceive other people. He was my friend and all I wanted was for him to be himself because he was actually a likable person. But when he died of a heart attack years later, I was made into the bad guy because I had exposed his lies and confronted him. He was canonized and his lies are now his memorial. Now he is a war hero that went on secret spy missions and traveled all over the world.
No one claims to remember all the lies he told, but when I reminded them about it, I was told “So what?! What’s the big deal?!” No one ever wants to think they have been lied to, so rather than confront the liar, they kill the person blowing the whistle. Once that whistle stops blowing, then everyone can get some sleep. No, it’s much better for everyone involved if the liar is just left to their own devices and the town crier is burned at the stake.
The big deal with telling lies is that it never stops at just one lie. The lies become bigger and more elaborate as time goes on. Truth becomes unrecognizable and eventually, truth is forgotten about. The big deal with telling lies is that once you find one lie, you will always doubt everything else you’re told. That’s when it can become dangerous and life threatening. That’s when those blurred lines can mean the difference between safely running off the road, or hitting a semitrailer head on and dying.
And it pains me to tell you this, but there is no such thing as a white lie.
There is no such thing as lying for their own good.
There is no such thing as lying to keep from hurting someone.
A lie is a lie is a lie is a lie.
It doesn’t matter how you want to spin it, or pretty it up, it is still going to be a lie.
So if you want to poohpooh the LIE, you go right ahead. Yes, it might be easier for you and it might mean you have a bit more fun and a few extra laughs, but in the end, what do you really have? Are you holding something in your hands that has substance? Could you bet your life on it? Can you trust that this person really cares about you? Could you call on them when you need help or feel alone? Can you believe it when they tell you how much you mean to them?
Is it really a Monet or a Dali, or is it a figment of someone’s imagination that you have been caught up in believing?
Is there anything there below the surface of the liar’s smile, or is it just a deep dark and empty hole waiting to be filled up with the merry fact that you believed the lies they told you?
All of this aside, am I saying that you should never lie?
Honestly (LOL!), I can not tell you to never lie. I am not so rigid that I can sit here on my high horse and say that I will never lie, because I just might. I do strive for honesty. I make it my mission to be as honest as I can possibly be and I am direct, but I am not without flaws. I am human, and I too have been known to tell a lie.
The act of telling lies will always generate heated debates and we are surrounded by lies every single day of our lives. There are lies no matter where you turn. Advertising lies. Government lies. Politician lies. Television Soap Opera lies. Used Car Salesmen lies. There are generally lies around every corner of your world.
So what are you supposed to do about it?
How do you handle the daily onslaught of lies?
You definitely learn some coping mechanisms for separating out the truth from the lies as you mature. When those fail to do the trick for you, you can always develop new ones. The best defense you will ever have for dealing with lies is to know yourself and to trust yourself. Once this confidence is firmly rooted into your psyche, a liar will have a very hard time penetrating your world and you will be able to spot them from miles away.
Remember that just because someone lies to you, it doesn’t make them a monster. It’s okay to give them another chance if they are important to you. Telling lies doesn’t always have to mean the end of something. That goes both ways because if you tell a lie, it doesn’t mean you are a monster either, but it does mean you have some issues that need to be addressed.
In the future, when you decide to poohpooh a lie, whether it be a lie told to you, or a lie told to one of your friends that they are trying to process, make sure you weigh all of the facts first. You never know why a person is lying and it could be that they care so much about your opinion of them that they don’t want to do anything that makes you think less of them. That one lie could be easily dispersed with a few good conversations about how much you really do care and that lying never has to be an issue again.
Until next time, this is Madeline Laughs and I won’t be going on any secret spy missions, but I am on a mission to figure out how I can be a better person, one truth at a time.