I am beginning to believe that there are some folks out there that are deep, toxic pits of need so great that no amount of anything will ever be enough for them. Rather than take responsibility for their own inhumane and destructive behavior they continue to ask innocent people to suffer just so they can feel justified in having a heart blackened with self loathing and hatred. These people are called bullies and sometimes they are adults.
I was cyberbullied by a woman in 2012. All that year I put up with her posts on 3 separate social networks; a nasty little song she posted with malice and intent to harm and disparage me personally.
I called her out.
I asked her to stop.
I did everything within my own power to shine a light into her darkness so she could see and understand just how deadly her actions were and begged her to seek professional counsel…and she ignored me. Finally, after a year, the song has been removed, but the cost of what she has done remains. No one will ever forget what she did and now there are people that will never trust her again.
She put so many innocent people in jeopardy just so she could lash out at me and all I wanted was for her to leave me alone. That is really a simple request…leave me alone. I want nothing to do with you anymore. You add nothing to my life.
I just don’t get it and I hope there never comes a day when I understand what makes a person so spiteful.
If you ever wonder what cyberbullying looks like, or feels like, just ask me. Cyberbullying is very real and the people that cyberbully are pathetic, but dangerous.
How do you know when you’re dealing with an adult cyberbully situation? Here are some things to look for from Bullying Statistics, an organization focused on what bullying is, how to recognize and how to cope with the abuse of it.
“There are several different types of adult bullies, and it helps to know how they operate:
- Narcissistic Adult Bully: This type of adult bully is self-centered and does not share empathy with others. Additionally, there is little anxiety about consequences. He or she seems to feel good about him or herself, but in reality has a brittle narcissism that requires putting others down.
- Impulsive Adult Bully: Adult bullies in this category are more spontaneous and plan their bullying out less. Even if consequences are likely, this adult bully has a hard time restraining his or her behavior. In some cases, this type of bullying may be unintentional, resulting in periods of stress, or when the bully is actually upset or concerned about something unconnected with the victim.
- Physical Bully: While adult bullying rarely turns to physical confrontation, there are, nonetheless, bullies that use physicality. In some cases, the adult bully may not actually physically harm the victim, but may use the threat of harm, or physical domination through looming. Additionally, a physical bully may damage or steal a victim’s property, rather than physically confronting the victim.
- Verbal Adult Bully: Words can be quite damaging. Adult bullies who use this type of tactic may start rumors about the victim, or use sarcastic or demeaning language to dominate or humiliate another person. This subtle type of bullying also has the advantage – to the bully – of being difficult to document. However, the emotional and psychological impacts of verbal bullying can be felt quite keenly and can result in reduced job performance and even depression.
- Secondary Adult Bully: This is someone who does not initiate the bullying, but joins in so that he or she does not actually become a victim down the road. Secondary bullies may feel bad about what they are doing, but are more concerned about protecting themselves.”
Never be silent about being bullied by an adult. Fighting back against bully tactics is not being a bully if you speak the truth and remain logical. It’s not fighting fire with fire, it’s having your say when someone chooses to defame or publicly humiliate you.
If you are a cyberbully, reconsider your actions. When someone isn’t interested in being your friend and all they want is for you to leave them alone, do yourself a huge favor and walk away. Find people that do want contact and attention from you. Everyone will be a lot better off with that choice.
Note to my cyberbully: Yes, this blog post is about you. Out of 600 posts I’ve written over the last 6 years, only 4 of them, including this one have been about you. I have archived all but this one. As for the post about pegging you are so worried about, that one still exists somewhere out there in cyberspace because I didn’t write it. Good luck with your musical career.