I have this saying about people that talk out of both sides of their mouth…okay, I guess that was probably a saying too. Essentially it means someone that tells you how special you are when you’re right in front of them, but tells everyone else what a shit they think you are, behind your back. Then they come back to you later and tell you what a shit they think the other person is, behind their back, and how that person doesn’t like you. And then later, they tell the other person you don’t like them.
Are you with me so far?
I call it “cheesin’ in someone’s face”.
“Yeah, she was cheesin’ in my face about so and so. I can only imagine what she has been saying about me!”
Most of the time when I figure this is going on, I just smile and nod. More often than not, I really have no opinion about the other person and if I do, negative or positive, I usually keep those observations to myself. Unless it’s someone I feel compelled to defend. Then I might say something to attempt shaming the cheeser into changing the subject.
Sometimes it depends on the person if it’s cheesin’ or not. I have been bowled over after finding out someone I trusted with my life…is that crazy, or what?!….was cheesin’ me the whole fucking time! I could not believe it! In fact, I think I avoided believing it for as long as I possibly could because it just hurt so damn much! The whole time this person was telling me how much they cared about me and the whole time they were going back to people that know me and telling them how much they did not care about me at all. Talked about me like I was a dog…that’s what one of the guys told me when he realized that I knew the scoop finally.
What makes a person cheesy?
This goes back to one of my recent posts entitled Love Multiplies. That’s the kind of person that does stuff like this. Some folks will tell you not to take it personally because this kind of behavior is never about you. This is about how they feel about themselves. Really people? Really?! I don’t know how in the world I’m supposed to not take being talked about like I was a dog personally. Please give me some instructions.
At this junction, I don’t give a rat’s ass about love multiplying because I’m more interested in dividing this person’s hair down the middle of their scalp with a baseball bat. Talk about me like I’m a dog?! You must be tripping.
But seriously, when you have someone in your daily life that tends to behave like they live in a bubble, the only thing you can do, short of smacking the shit out of them, is to just let it go. I know taking it personally is too much of a temptation, but what the majority of folks are saying about this type of person is the truth. What that person is doing is all about them. If it was all about you then they wouldn’t need to be executing this divide and conquer thing. Besides, Karma is going to take a big bite out of that person’s backside pretty soon and not everyone has the patience to wait that long anyway.
A good rule of thumb is that small minded people are the ones that malign and disparage others. Their narrow view of the world in terms of the fact that “it’s not always all about them” is one of the main reasons they feel like it’s okay to trash someone in an effort to make you stop being friendly. It gives them a twisted satisfaction to see a person flopping in the wind while their reputation and good name are being slowly destroyed by someone they are sure is their friend.
It’s even worse when the person being chewed to pieces, goes around smugly telling everyone else that this person, the one ripping a hole in their face behind their backs, is their Best Friend.
Recently I heard that I was being blamed because a few people had deleted someone from their friend list on Facebook. I shrugged it off because it was news to me that this had happened. It was also news to me that these people that had deleted the unfortunate woman would have ever accepted a friend request from her. She’s not the most popular person I know and tends to be the Town Crier when it comes to malicious gossip. That aside, I’m not someone that will ask anyone to delete a person on Facebook. When it gets to that point, I just do the deleting and leave it at that.
I will definitely ask certain communities of people I “friend” on Facebook to respect my privacy and not discuss my posts in mixed company and for the most part they do.
Some people use the Sun Tzu method with their friend lists on Facebook. They think that it’s better to keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer. I think that’s hogwash. I’ll be damned if I’m going to spend even a moment of my time on a social network policing the activities of someone I don’t like. That’s not being social and Facebook is not a war zone for friends, last time I checked.
Oh Facebook has it’s issues! I always say that Facebook brings out the best in most people, but it brings out the beast in others. There is a lot of passive aggressive behavior on there with grown people. I’m surprised by the behavior of some of the people on Facebook some days. I was surprised by some of my own behavior on there too. I’m far from being considered passive aggressive, but I can be aggressive aggressive and that’s not a good thing either.
I had to seriously tone down my own reactions to the lousiness of people that I had become friends with on Facebook and eventually it was my decision to part company with them altogether. There wasn’t a solution that would stick because in order for a situation to improve, everyone has to be onboard with the cure. When someone has a tendency to be cheesy, you are never going to be able to trust a single word that comes out of their mouth. That’s not a friend. That’s someone you should probably avoid because they will always find a reason to feel justified in talking smack behind your back.
In the future it would be great if we could all get back to the original definitions of saying cheese and that is to provoke a smile because something fun is going to happen. Until then, just smile and nod and make a mental note to limit your contact with someone that is cheesing up in your face.