girlfriends aren’t garbage

Girl_named_Vanessa_in_Oscar's_trash_can

Disclaimer: the details in this story have been changed to protect the hurts.

I have been witnessing the decline of a relationship that I was sure was rock solid, and I watched it all play out on Facebook. Neither one of them ever had to say a word to me. In fact, I don’t think they ever brought it up on Facebook, but if you knew them well, you could tell there was some serious issues going on with them.  

It all started when she kept posting about needing a roommate.  I thought that was just the oddest thing for her to keep posting about, but every month she put something up as an advertisement. A few times I considered warning her about privacy issues when I noticed she wasn’t just posting these pleas to her own friends, she was posting them publicly. That was kind of sketchy.

Then I noticed the forward and really awkward comments she was making on her boyfriend’s pictures. This is someone she lived with and at the time, I thought they were still living together even though she was posting for a roommate. I figured they were just down on their luck and wanted someone to share the expenses until they got back on their feet again. But her comments were bordering on overly attentive and complimentary. They were kind of creepy. The worst part was when he would Like what everyone else wrote, and completely ignore her comment.

Then one day they weren’t friends on Facebook anymore and she hasn’t posted another word since then.

Garbage_Can_Girl

But he sure has been busy on there! I think he posted a selfie about every day and one day there seemed to be quite a few pictures of this new woman. Then there they were, all snuggled up together hugging. His family has already friended her and made comments on their pictures too.

I was like…what the fuck?! It’s only been three months! This guy lived with my friend for almost 6 years and in three months he already has a new girlfriend?

Now I don’t care what happened or why they suddenly split, but there is no excuse for the instant replacement. Jeez, did the guy even take a second to mourn the loss of a relationship that did him more good than he probably deserved. This woman changed his life for the better and he was this quick to replace her! Wow! I think that being with anyone for six years means you take the time to either work it out, or heal from the break up and three months is not healing. Three months is simply being on the prowl for your next conquest.

I knew he was a narcissist for the get-go. Everyone that knows him, knows he’s a narc, but my friend really helped him begin to consider other folks in his life. He mellowed and became less self absorbed. She got him to finally get involved in living a good life and supported his craft so he could pursue his dreams. Together they were stunning!

It makes me sad that this has happened to her too. She does not deserve this slap in the face, especially not from him.

h-armstrong-roberts-young-woman-in-trash-can-with-legs-hanging-out

So here’s my advice for her…pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on. Obviously, this guy is not worth it and probably never was. I am just as shocked as I can only imagine you are, but trust me, the people that have watched this play out have no more respect for him either. Stand tall and proud and don’t allow this any more energy than to blow the ash from your shoulder.

Relationships shouldn’t be as disposable as people treat them these days. When you connect to someone on an intimate level this is a sacred moment in both of your lives and not to be taken lightly. The day I can throw someone away that I have loved and respected and exchange them for someone brand new in less than three months, will be the day I will need to reevaluate my own morals and principles. It just doesn’t make sense to me that this happens.

Can someone please explain it to me?

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About Madeline Scribes

A writer with a sense of humor. If anyone can laugh at life, it's me.
This entry was posted in All kinds of Advice and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to girlfriends aren’t garbage

  1. Great advice to your friend- that is all we can do in some situations.

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  2. Kim Saeed says:

    I can relate to your girlfriend’s plight. Once, my Ex and I separated when our son was about a year old. He went back to his country and in less than two months was already married to another woman.

    And to answer your question, the only explanation is that they don’t experience love. Their only reason for being in a relationship is for the intrinsic benefits they receive. You know…sex, money, a caregiver, emotional punching bag.

    The new girl will find out soon enough that she’s involved with an imposter. Your girlfriend is actually lucky, although I know it doesn’t feel that way now.

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    • Your explanation makes total sense. It is a foreign concept to me because I can not imagine going through life and never truly giving yourself over to the act of loving another human being. They must be very sad individuals.

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  3. Janis says:

    There is no empathy in a true narc. It is so one sided that she is better off in the long run that it was only 6 years instead of more.

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  4. People are broken, and popular media conditions people to treat relationships as disposable. It also conditions people to treat seeking out a mate the same as going grocery shopping. Create a list of desired attributes, pick through the fruit in the bin ’till you find one that fits your specs, then toss it if it ever fails to match up with your ever-growing list. It’s a very teenage way to approach love/intimacy/relationships, and sometimes in this modern age it seems as though people aren’t growing up anymore. I really think that’s because the entertainment industry puts people on a pedestal that should never be there. In The Psycopath Test by Ron Jonson a producer or casting director (can’t remember which) for reality tv shows talks about how casting is done based off of whether or not a person is the right amount of crazy. Too crazy=liability, not crazy enough=boring. So, basically, a lot of popular programs feature people who are off their rockers–and like it or not this can sway the way people behave in a society as that behavior will become increasingly accepted as normal.

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