There is a big difference between telling your side of the story and a narcissist smear campaign.
Telling your side of the story simply states facts. There is no need to share jabs or insults and it looks like this:
“I stopped talking to her because I was tired of the constant bullying and manipulation. A year later she posts this mean song all over the Internet, uses my name, identifies me and the song is her attempt to humiliate and ridicule me. It is classic cyberbullying and it’s against the law. I have asked her over and over to leave me alone. I’m not interested in fighting or continuing to engage her on any level, but she continues to watch me online and post attacks.”
A narcissistic smear campaign looks like this:
“I stood up to this relative and there was a war of personal destruction waged on me as a result. However the goat metaphor was so funny that I could not help but write about it. I mean who calls somebody a goat? It made me laugh and laugh.”
- Initiating contact with mutual friends to ask them to join their campaign against the victim.
- Continuing to escalate the attack by widely posting insults and jabs in public online forums in an attempt to engage the victim.
- Actively seeks out and befriends or engages anyone the bully might perceive as being an enemy of the victim too.
- Continuing to campaign against the victim long after the victim has stopped participating.
- Eventually assuming a pious posture while claiming the victim deserves to be treated poorly.
I have seen this same turn of events played out so many times that I am no longer surprised by it. As you can see this is a gameplan, a campaign. They spend an inordinate amount of time obsessing and executing every detail in an effort to destroy the person and their credibility. Doing this makes them feel good.
The pious posture is what I find most interesting. They all eventually hold themselves up high and mighty as if their prolonged bullying of a person is somehow the right thing to do. “Watch me as I continue to pound on this person that won’t talk to me!!
Do the bullies honestly think that the people that have watched this unfold, whether they feign unity with the bully or not, seriously find anything about what the bully has done to another human being, to be any kind of holy? I don’t think so. In fact, I guarantee that 100% of them are tucking it in a bit after watching this scene because they know that to piss this person off means they can expect the same to happen to them. The bully has shown their true colors and everyone can see them now. They aren’t pretty and they are definitely not the kind of behavior anyone can be proud of.
My friend Paula has written a post about being nasty back to people like this. It’s entitled Being Nasty Back only Backfires and in this article she writes about being nasty back when someone is actively engaging in a narcissistic smear campaign against you.
“Now I know that nasty people are just nasty and mean for no reason. Well, other than the fact that the nasty person hates him/herself and the nasty person has zero respect for others as a result of their self-hatred.
Pitying these people just perpetuates their hate. And being nasty back and lashing out at their nastiness just serves to validate their natural state of nastiness. They think if others are nasty to them, they are justified in their nastiness.”
She is spot on, 100% correct! To respond back to a bully with just as much venom doesn’t make you the better person and it only fuels the fire of a person that is already smoldering with hatred. Why fan those flames? The article goes on to talk about how to behave in circumstances that we all have in life, whenever a nasty person rears their ugly head in our direction. I encourage you to read the entire post and to follow her blog for future updates.
This part of her post really hit home for me:
“And don’t get me wrong. I can be nasty some days and my close family and friends can be nasty and inconsiderate some days. But it’s not the occasional bad mood I’m talking about here. It’s those people who repeatedly and daily show their true nasty colors in all that they do, say and plan and connive. It’s the people who have nothing nice to say about anyone behind their backs. It’s the hateful who find glee in seeing others in pain. It’s the ones who feign care about life while simultaneously trying to destroy another’s life.”
This one blurb defines the difference between telling your side of the story versus a narcissistic smear campaign better than any more words I can even write about the subject. When you see what she describes, then you’ll know exactly what you have been a witness to all along. You can not care about anyone, or justify your actions as heroic, when your actions clearly show that your main interest is destroying another human being.
Think about that.