Telling Your Side versus a Narcissistic Smear Campaign

There is a big difference between telling your side of the story and a Narcissistic Smear Campaign.

Telling your side of the story simply states facts. There is no need to share jabs or insults and it looks like this:

“I stopped talking to her because I was tired of the constant bullying and manipulation. A year later she posts this mean song all over the Internet, uses my name and identifies me. The song is her attempt to humiliate and ridicule me. It is classic cyberbullying and it’s against the law. I have asked her over and over to leave me alone. I’m not interested in fighting or continuing to engage her on any level, but she continues to watch me online and post attacks.”

A Narcissistic Smear Campaign looks like this:

“I stood up to this relative and there was a war of personal destruction waged on me as a result. However the goat metaphor was so funny that I could not help but write a song about it. I mean who calls somebody a goat? It made me laugh and laugh.”

What exactly is a Narcissistic Smear Campaign?

A Narcissistic Smear Campaign is the effort of an individual to ruin someone by embellishing the truth and/or simply spreading unkind and untrue rumors about them. The campaign is their attempt to humiliate the object of their obsession possibly with hope the person will come crawling back to them in order to get them to stop, or as an effort to control how other people involved will view the situation in their favor and also gang up against the Narcissist’s victim.

Malignant Narcissists will also employ the following tactics in their rage against their victim:

  • Initiating contact with mutual friends to ask them to join their campaign against the victim.
  • Continuing to escalate the attack by widely posting insults and jabs in public online forums in an attempt to engage the victim.
  • Actively seeks out and befriends or engages anyone the bully might perceive as being an enemy of the victim too.
  • Continuing to campaign against the victim long after the victim has stopped participating.
  • Eventually assuming a pious posture while claiming the victim deserves to be treated poorly.

I have seen this same turn of events played out so many times that I am no longer surprised by it. They spend an inordinate amount of time obsessing and executing every detail in an effort to destroy the victim and their credibility.

The pious posture is what I find most interesting. They all eventually hold themselves up high and mighty as if their prolonged bullying of a person  is somehow the right thing to do. “Watch me as I continue to pound on this person that won’t talk to me!! 

Do the bullies honestly think that the people that have watched this unfold, whether they feign unity with the bully or not, seriously find anything about what the bully has done to another human being, to be any kind of holy?

I don’t think so. In fact, I guarantee that 100% of them are tucking it in a bit after watching this scene. They know that to piss the bully off means they can expect the same to happen to them. The bully has shown their true colors and everyone can see them now. They aren’t pretty and they are definitely not the kind of behavior anyone can be proud of.

Responding back to a bully with just as much hatred doesn’t make you the better person and it only fuels the fire of a person that is already smoldering. Why fan those flames?

The difference between telling your side of the story versus a narcissistic smear campaign is that you can not care about anyone, or justify your actions as heroic, when your actions clearly show that your main interest is destroying another human being.

Think about that.

Advertisements

About Madeline Scribes

A writer with a sense of humor. If anyone can laugh at life, it's me.
This entry was posted in All kinds of Advice, Personal Boundaries Primer and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

47 Responses to Telling Your Side versus a Narcissistic Smear Campaign

  1. silkred says:

    I so totally fell into this trap and the looser narcissist in my life twisted my defensive remarks and even my apologies together with my appeals for him to leave me alone in order to have me efficiently ostracised from my peers.. None of the others will comment, the narcissist made a new forum and off they trotted… Game over. He still attacks me.. Any time I am visible in public he will act out some form of attack.. I’m close to taking it all to the police.. I’m fed up.

    Liked by 1 person

    • If you feel that your life is in danger, do not hesitate to call the police. And make sure you CUT OFF ALL CONTACT. That is key.

      Like

      • Jeff says:

        I agree with cutting off all contact. I will say though that with regards to the article above, I agree with everything written except for the suggestion that people witnessing a smear campaign will denounce it. Some may actually see what is going on and choose not to engage as to avoid blow back from the narcissist/sociopath, but I think that many narcissists/sociopaths are so good at deceiving the average person that many people truly believe the narcissist/sociopath is the victim of the “abuse” they claim in the smear campaign. My father is a narcissist who engaged in a smear campaign against my wife and I with both sides of my family because I wouldn’t let him take advantage of my wife and I regarding a business decision. He managed to convince both sides of my family that I was victimizing him with my no contact before I even realized a smear campaign was under way. He did just as good of a job under cutting my credibility in the smear campaign to the point that not ONE person on either side of my family will ask me about what happened, and no one wants to hear about what happened if I initiate that conversation. I am slowly being pushed out. These people are highly manipulative, and VERY good at systematically destroying a person’s relationships and reputations. If anyone has advice on how to counter such a vicious smear campaign, I would love to hear your input. Right now, I am just seriously considering cutting my losses and just moving on with my life. I am MUCH happier and healthier now that I am on no contact anyways.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. silkred says:

    Reblogged this on stuff that goes on cycling to work and commented:
    So true it makes you want to cry.

    Like

  3. whine-wine-whatever says:

    Madeline –

    I’m glad both you and Paula have taken pains to point out the difference between sharing your experience vs. a narcissistic hate campaign. Boy, you know, with both narcs and bullies, it’s so easy to get drawn in, to want to defend yourself with the very same actions and words used by the offender, to even the score. So all you’re doing is lowering yourself to their level. What good does it do to intentionally hurt someone with words or actions? I hate to hurt anyone, physically, emotionally, psychologically. But the bullies and the narcs? For some ungodly reason, they take some sick pleasure in it. I’ll never understand.

    I suppose, after reading all the blog entries on this subject, I should be able to offer some words of solace to “silkred,” though I’ve never personally been the object of a bully or narc. Silkred, if you haven’t already, go NOW and slowly read Being Nasty Back only Backfires, linked above, as well as about 25 blog entries here about bullies. Let them give you strength. Let this guy talk to himself. Don’t let yourself react to his ugly words. Cross the street to avoid him. Stand tall — you’ve done nothing wrong. And when you can, tell your story — factually — to your peers. Or find new friends. Don’t get stuck in a me vs them scenario. Soon he’ll be the ostracized one. And if he’s cyberbullying you, take your proof to the police. Be strong.

    P.S. If I’ve misspoken or steered silkred wrong, Madeline, please step in and correct me.

    Like

    • Your advice is spot on 🙂 I love your comments because you truly do get it, so Silkred can trust this advice for sure.

      Like

    • silkred says:

      I feel this as insightful and strong advice, thank you.

      Knowing this, and pausing before you utter a word, very often and more frequently result in no utterance at all.

      Experience with one of these losers teaches you that any utterance can and often will come back to you somehow. Meaning that any utterance however well thought through or however emotionally connected is simply fuel for their abuse.

      Knowing this is all well and good, being isolated and feeling like you intellectually understand all that I have just said leaves you checked on the great chess board of life. Restricted by moves made long ago, feeling all ways result in punishment, its infuriating.

      However that anger, frustration is so full of dark places, depression and fear that it does not reward any visit with light or love, much less laughter.

      Being strong this is not strength articulated with words or fists or otherwise, no, this is the strength you feel in nature – a flexible stoicism that holds you rooted to your soulful heart, gently sensing its loving ways.

      For me a beautiful emerging quality is that I find in moments where I may have been selfish before I will give space to others, let them go first, smile and be kind, generous with my spirit, I almost cant help it, the little moments when a kindness is acknowledged are my sustenance in these days, they remind me of the joy in humanity.

      Distance me from the jaunty sort of evil born of a malevolent narcissist.

      Like

  4. This is very true! Excellent post. 🙂

    Like

  5. Kylie says:

    Pondering Spawned sent me to you bc we’ve both written about our experiences with Narcissists, and I’m glad she did! Have you heard about this new study on internet trolls and personality disorders? http://m.motherjones.com/blue-marble/2014/02/internet-trolls-sadists-psychopaths-lulz

    Like

    • She had emailed me about you too 🙂 Happy to see you here!!

      I found the article interesting and correct. The problem is how to get rid of the trolls because there are people out there that love nothing better than to encourage them. I was in one group a couple of years ago and the female administrator allowed this one troll to ride roughshod over everyone, including threatening to rape one of the groups members. I left the group shortly after this incident. She allowed the troll to stay in the group though because everyone else found him to be entertaining. Now that’s twisted.

      Like

  6. Pingback: Pick ME! Pick ME! or else… | Madeline Scribes

  7. Pingback: How to ignore other people’s judgements | Happiness Weekly

  8. Harbans says:

    This is the world where we have to face our own problems ourselves. Positive frame of mind just can do anything ultimately.

    Like

  9. Brilliant article, these sentences sum it all up. Thank you.

    It’s the ones who feign care about life while simultaneously trying to destroy another’s life.

    You can not care about anyone, or justify your actions as heroic, when your actions clearly show that your main interest is destroying another human being.

    Like

    • Thank you Catherine! It always surprises me the number of people that just don’t understand that concept. In order to care about people, you can’t go around destroying them 🙂

      If you haven’t already, please check out Paula’s blog. She has taught me so much about relationships and about being strong and healthy. She rocks!

      Like

      • I’ve long believed in the proverb ‘actions speak louder than words.’ Its all very well for someone to tell you they love/ like/ admire you but if they then ignore/ hurt/ make fun of you, that is the true picture.

        I’ll have a read of Paula’s blog 🙂

        Like

  10. Pingback: How to ignore other people’s judgements

  11. Just came across the term “coercive control” which describes the methods that abusers use, very sophisticated, only visible to the victim.

    Like

  12. Pingback: Get ready…Here comes the Narcissistic Smear Campaign. | artEAST Forum

  13. Pingback: The Narcissistic Smear Campaign. | artEAST Forum

  14. Iwanttoremainanonymous says:

    Hi,
    I have been subjected to a smear campaign, I am still dealing with the situation, if there is such a thing.
    It started off with my father, he has always shown narcissistic tendencies although he isn’t the worst in the world for it, slowly, he has managed to manipulate my brother to turn against me and my mum seems to be getting there as well now.
    It has gotten to the point where I can’t bare to be in the same house as them. I’m 19 and I have a job lined up in a far away city from the one in which I currently reside. But I am scared that they are going to contact the company in hand and say bad things about me etc.
    I can’t go out in the city that I live in without being recognized and sneered at by total strangers which makes me think that they have circulated pictures of me around or gave out my twitter details etc., and the problem is I have not done anything remotely wrong,I’m no worse than any other teenage guy. When I confront them or even remotely try to bring up the subject they tell me that I am paranoid, to the extent that I now have a counselor.

    I really hope that somebody can help me!

    Like

    • It’s truly sad when your own family attacks you, but hang in there. Just because they’re family doesn’t mean you can’t make some strong personal boundaries to keep them in line. Stick with your counselor. Keep personal details to yourself and share nothing with the family that they might use against you. Keep planning to take your new job and move on and away from them. Keep your chin up. You sound like you know who you are and nobody can take that away from you.

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Pingback: After the Lovin’- Five things a Narcissist will do after a Breakup | Art by Rob Goldstein

  16. Pingback: After the Lovin’: Five Vicious Things a Narcissist will do after a Breakup – Art by Rob Goldstein

  17. Pingback: Telling Your Side versus a Narcissistic Smear Campaign – Parental Alienation's Dirty Secrets , Akin to Domestic Violence 40 yrs ago

  18. Pingback: am I like that too? | Madeline Scribes

  19. Foothill says:

    These articles are the best description of the hell my divorced Narcissistic parents have put me through the past few years. The lengths they have gone to to try to ruin my life to save their reputation are unimaginable.

    Like

  20. Enough says:

    Not a lot of new information here, only because I sadly recognize this from past experiences. I have been a bully magnet since I was a kid, and reading over the smear campaign elements, I realized these steps have been used on me more than once. I know my narcissistic mother groomed me to be afraid of confrontation and made it almost impossible to defend myself. Before I understood what personality disorders were, I married someone just like her. When we divorced, he not only co opted my best friend from college (who now won’t speak to me), he alienated my son from me as well. Sometimes you can walk away from a really vicious smear campaign, but the scars remain for a lifetime.

    I found this post because once again I am the victim of a smear campaign. Someone who was previously friendly and with whom I had no disagreements (in fact treated more than generously) turned on me out of the blue. I got a call from my landlady at 1:00 in the morning asking why I was planning to sue her (???? I wasn’t). Then I got a demanding email from the bully saying I owed her a large sum of money. When I wrote a terse, businesslike reply stating I had no intention of paying her any money and that any further contact would be considered harassment and handled accordingly, she began calling friends of people I know, again repeating the bit about owing her money and how I was damaging her reputation (I have gone out of my way to ignore her and say nothing about her).

    She has threatened to call the police on me and to turn me into immigration. I live in a small community as an American expat (she is also American but grew up here), and she has no legal grounds to stand on, but given the corruption where I live, I’m not sure I am safe. I have animals and can’t just pack up and leave. In fact, the whole smear campaign started when I moved into my current residence about a month ago. She helped me move, and I suspect her campaign was triggered both by jealousy (my place is the kind of place she has been looking for but cannot afford) and her sniffing out vulnerability in my situation (I live alone, I have few friends, my last landlord took advantage of me, etc.).

    Clearly, I have some “victim stench” that draws bullies to me. A friend who was also bullied when she was young says it’s because I have the qualities these disordered people lack, but I think it’s some behaviors I learned as a child that are still there. With every passing year, I become more and more withdrawn and isolated because it seems like I can’t have more than superficial relationships without somehow giving away my status as a bully magnet. I also live in a place that seems to attract a lot of disordered people and in a culture that allows and even promotes bullying. Any information about making yourself less of a target would be appreciated. Short of just not having relationships, I don’t know what to do. I find myself saying, “I hate people” a lot these days, and I don’t like it.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Wow! This is an outstanding comment and one I hope many readers coming to view this post take the time to read too.

      Removing victim stench may take some time, but it eventually disappears. I promise. As you continue to heal and make better choices, your old skin will shed and you’ll be a brand new and much stronger person for having had this experience. Much love to you from me in the meantime!! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

    • Jane says:

      Wow, “Enough”,

      It sounds like we have the same bully! Or, at the least, the same toxic people around us? And though it can appear that “we’re” attracting them, I don’t think it’s true. We just need stronger “what’s acceptable” walls & also proof that what is said is true. A genuine person wouldn’t mind you asking, nor would they mind you expressing reservations.

      I see you went through the immigration wringer– I can sympathize!

      Are you doing okay, today?

      I hope so. HNY. I wish you the best!

      🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  21. Pingback: it’s Enough, and we are here with you | Madeline Scribes

  22. Pingback: Telling Your Side versus a Narcissistic Smear Campaign – Poisoned By My Neighbor From Hell in Montrose, Lee County, Iowa

  23. Enough says:

    Thank you! Just having the support of someone who knows what I’m going through means a lot to me. It’s time to break old patterns. I’ve had enough of being a bully magnet!

    Like

    • I was so moved by your comment that I wrote an entire post about it. Thank you so much for finding me. You are stronger than you know yet.

      Like

      • Enough says:

        You are a gem! Thank you for the support!

        In this week’s installment, Miss HPD “misunderstood” another person’s conversation with her that only tangentially related to me, went with her equally unstable mother to the home of a woman I barely know, interrupted her *anniversary* dinner, and told her (in front of her special needs children and many neighbors) that I was on my way over to hurt her and the kids. She was apparently told by mutual acquaintances who knew I was up to no such thing that her behavior was unacceptable, at which point (classic) she broke down and sobbed because she was a *victim* in all of it.

        The other woman had had an abrupt, mysterious falling out with HPD earlier this year but had no idea how off the rails she is, so initially she believed her, causing quite a disruption in her home. I was told HPD eventually apologized to her and she has “settled down,” but that’s what everyone always thinks, and then she goes off on one of her vendettas again. My guess is she thinks the behavior was wrong because it scared the kids, not because it was an ugly cornucopia of lies and stuff that could get her put in jail in the country where I live (which takes defamation seriously–the upside of corrupt politicians who don’t like to be shredded in the media).

        I have given this no response, other than to the person who told me about the incident. It seems HPD is escalating her campaign and having some sort of break. Her pattern seems to be to retreat for a while and then come back worse than ever. I wish she would get fixated on someone else. This is exhausting. It’s 4:30 in the afternoon, and I could go to bed already.

        Liked by 1 person

      • No response is a good thing. The less you respond, the more time you have to make new friends and leave this drama behind.

        Like

  24. Daniel says:

    I see it different. I feel like the narc is justified and might not be capable of helping it because of the situation the “victim” got put into due to their actions. They could have ruined their lives instead and just silenced them instead of waiting it out.

    Like

    • So you blame the victim because the narcissist sets out to smear the victim’s name in order to gain vengeance against someone who has sought nothing more than an escape from the abuse of a vindictive and cruel person? You blame the victim?

      Like

  25. Jane says:

    I apologize for the length of this, but I’m about to rectify my smearer very soon & I thought I’d get some feedback from you all, if I may?

    My story is a little different than most. I was courted from afar, by a man I met via a friend. After pursuing me with trips to see me, phone calls, & email, I was asked to marry & I moved across the country (leaving MY life, friends, family behind). I had a loving family, a house, car, job, & had just gotten my Real estate license & about to venture on to commercial real estate in a large, progressive city.

    Within the next 8 years, I bore him two wonderful children (boy & girl). I tried to help his frustration in the family business by being his rock & even initiated upgrades which eventually created the nicest shop in town. From there we renovated the house he had when I moved there, sold it, & took on his grandparents home (from his aunt) & renovated that, in order to be near his aging parents. In the time this happened, he began to (to me) become ever more “distant”.

    The kids & I never were in his mind. Any plans he made were for him alone. I couldn’t understand. I started to make “dates” so that he would carve time for the kids. Thinking the disinterest in him for me was the weight I’d put on after the children, I went into a fitness program & really transformed myself. He even remarked that guys stopping into the shop had seen me out on my bike & essentially gave him a wink? Yet, he himself never said anything & there was no change in his disinterest. I kept on, as I liked the family for the most part & after 15 years, all but one family member of mine had passed away. As time went on, I would tell him that he acted like he was still a bachelor and that when it came to holidays or events, he would only, “show up”, but never participate in any of the planning or such. I would repeat this at intervals & each time he would admit it & would “try harder”. But, why should you have to “try” to love your wife & kids?

    In addition to the above, there started this negative vibe coming from the family about the employees & even other people & businesses in the town. Yes, small-towns seem to be known for this, but to me, it’s cowardly to do & especially to demean employees for not mind-reading what you want from them? It became so bad that I stopped going out on the family pontoon swim trips, and limited my time at family gatherings because it was non-stop, back-stabbing. It was toxic to me.

    Now, I switch gears a bit to me & my past. I am bisexual & have always been. I told my ex about this long before his proposal because I felt he had the right to know & if it mattered, better sooner than later. He, had his own admission: an STD which he claimed he got from his ex-wife (an early marriage as we were both in our 30’s when we met). We both agreed that my past & his past was just that– & I worked to understand what the STD meant for us as a couple.

    Later, as things deteriorated within the marriage, I found myself literally starving for adult interaction of some sort. When we moved near the parents, it put us in an isolated area. Being a tech-person, I joined tech websites so I could learn more about computers in order to help others. I ended up starting a home-based business of PC training & repair. It was refreshing to have conversations with people who actually heard you & replied back. My ex didn’t do this– he would let you speak, but then completely went on about something unrelated (which he’d been thinking about as you spoke). I’d also had 5 years of being only around my babies, which isn’t the best for conversation.

    From there, I also volunteered at a local non-profit. It was in that area where I really started to understand how isolated & non-nourishing my life with my ex was. I saw these women with their partners & it was nothing like what I was experiencing with mine. When we’d work together on jobs, and I’d get a compliment for my input, it was like….well, I’ll just say I hadn’t had any positive feedback or appreciation in so long it felt amazing. I’m not sure why– or whether it was the isolation from my ex at home, the learning environment, or the affirmation, but I started to feel old attraction to my female colleagues. Nothing directed to anyone in particular, but more that I started to feel “alive” again, like I was in the real world again of positivism & interaction. It was such an overwhelming feeling & I think I suddenly had an epiphany of how truly awful the way the kids & I had been living was. To be clear– not one special event in all of our years together was ever initiated by my ex. Not one event was planned for our children by my ex– not even an idea, nothing. He never recalled even our b’days….really.

    I sat & heard from all of these other women the plans & nice things they’d received from their spouses & it made me feel like crying (which I did when I was home alone). I started sneaking cigarettes when I’d go down cellar to stoke the wood-stove. I started drinking more than two glasses of wine a night (previously didn’t drink much at all). I knew I had to say something again so I sat down with my ex & told him I didn’t want to keep having this conversation. I told him I saw other couples interacting & that the fathers were entirely different to their wives & children. He promised once more to pay more attention to us. The “trying” lasts about week or so.

    Meanwhile, I decide to address my attraction to women resurfacing & I find a lot online about this being a somewhat “normal” thing to happen to bisexual women married to men– especially once your babies are of to school & you’re now free to interact once more. However, I was trying to keep our marriage together & also trying to find how to deal with my re-emerging feelings. I decided to quit the volunteer group to be away from those female friends. At the same time, I found a help group online for just this issue. Women who were bisexual & trying to find a way to keep the marriage. There were women in all sorts of situations….some had permission from their spouse for an open marriage, some just kept things platonic & didn’t tell the spouse, some were having affairs, others were just there to acknowledge & for support. That, was me. I wanted to be able to talk about what I was going through & to have someone anonymous say they understood– without judgement.

    Well, of course I end up being pursued by a woman on the forum. I didn’t see it at first because it wasn’t overt at all. I enjoyed her intelligence & humour, most of all– & also, again, having someone “hear me” & that/she was intoxicating. She told me about her life in her country. She told me about her life, asked about mine, my kids, everything. The first time we really talked, it was for hours. I went to sleep & cried– both guilt & self-pity hit me. I shouldn’t have continued this with her & I also shouldn’t have been left to rot in a loveless (from his side) marriage either. She, was in the same boat as me. I was miserable, and due to past experience, felt my ex wouldn’t care nor try to understand what I was going through.

    Cutting to the chase, I tell my ex that I am having the feelings for women & that was why I ended the job. He basically shut me down & wouldn’t talk to me about it. In the meantime, I am smitten by my online friend (my gosh, you’d think I’d learn, right?!) & she wants me to visit her! I hadn’t had any sort of holiday in so long….and I truthfully needed to have some time away from the situation at home. I sat my ex down again & told him what was going on. I said that I only had him to talk to & that if he wouldn’t even talk to me about what was going on, then I was out of ideas. I said that while I wanted to have the time away, it wasn’t yet about me leaving the marriage. It was about “me”, for a change, & having the chance to decide what “I” needed, which would also affect the children. In the back of my head, I sat hoping that he would snap out of it & come fully on-board to help us. He didn’t.

    I had my holiday & I was in love (I thought it was reciprocal– more on that later). I returned &, in that time, he had moved OUR joint account monies into his private account. Long story short– we divorced. For me to have the kids, save for the money I needed to keep us going for the time it would take for us to become residents of our new country, I had to sign away everything we’d built together to him. Amazingly, it was at the end that he finally admitted not loving me & not really the kids, either. It was a gut-punch to me: all that I did, for all of those years & all that I thought MUST be my fault….all that effort for the children/family/friends sakes, was all for nothing. He said he’d alternate years, visiting the kids so they wouldn’t have that journey each year. He also promised that in two years, he’d increase the paltry support he was giving them (it bought one grocery shop per week– I’ve been paying the rest & clothe us out of 2nd-hand & garage sales). Meanwhile he takes lots of holidays with his new GF (after telling his children he can’t visit them– he then sends them a tee-shirt from their holiday!).

    Needless to say, he never did keep those promises. Crazy me, kept trying, shopped for b’day & Xmas gifts for the kids to take back to their father & grandparents (never reciprocated– I did this for three years & then finally stopped). I even offered he & his GF could stay with us, as I worked away all day. I offered to sleep in my daughter’s bunk bed so they could have my dbl. bed & bathroom. It was a small place, but I had two living areas, so we’d not have to cross-paths at all. I did it only for the kids, so they could show their dad around where they live & how they live at home. But nope. Never happened.

    The saga continues in the new country/relationship. I’ll nutshell it because it sounds made-up. I swear, had I not had my children & some very good neighbours there as witness, I MYSELF might not believe it. She, turned out to be a full-on NPD. Verified in a couples-counselling (after she refused to return post-digging a hole she couldn’t cover) by the psychologist. The Dr. said that she wasn’t supposed to divulge what she thought, but out of care for me & my kids, she said that my new partner had most of the traits of malignant narcissism & that if I stayed, things would likely never improve. What she did to me/my kids was just incredibly bad. I left her after she attacked my son. Thus, I began my fight to retain our residency under the family violence act.

    It was during this time that my ex back home started HIS smear campaign, in earnest. He tried to undermine our lives from his end. He lied via emails, which I forwarded with evidence to immigration. He tried to get his parents to gang-up on the kids, telling them that they were “brainwashed” that they preferred living here with me. He tried to get me to engage in int’l tax fraud….it just went on & on….

    In the end, all this did was make everything awkward & awful for the kids. Their cousins were poisoned against me, too. My kids told me that their cousins had heard bad things from their parents about me. It meant that rather than being able to use Skype/Skype credit to ring the kids here just to say “hi”, they felt they couldn’t– which left my kids isolated. My ex instituted a twice a week, 15 min. phone call. He never contacted them other than that- & that time was spent 99% talking about himself.

    In the time since, I have had to sit & to hear & to swallow the continuing smears. I still have a few friends in his town who told me things they’d heard about MY relationship here! There was only one person who would know & spread that– and for no reason at all….other than to try to elicit some more pity for himself. I am sickened by what he did, for no reason at all, other than that. He never thought what it would mean to his children or how terrible it would be for them. It never occurred to him that “home”, for them, is where their mother is. I told them, repeatedly, that they could always go back to their father if they weren’t happy here & we could visit instead. They adamantly said no. Both of them know what he’s like. There’s a lot of anger in the guy & I only found out later the times when the kids had been there that he visited his anger towards them.

    I mainly want to set the record straight because I never had a chance to give my side of things. Another reason surfaced a couple of years ago. The GF made a photo album, with the “family” name & presented it to my children. Inside, were ALL of the photos I’D taken (because their father had no interest) of my babies…..and it even had his friends…yet NONE of me! He/she used my love & my photos to create this & it was horrible. Both kids said they saw right away what had been done, but that they didn’t mention it as they “didn’t want to cause a scene”.

    THAT, is what I’m railing against. I do not want my children to accept the unacceptable. It’s wrong. It’s wrong from strangers & worse from family.

    They are there again, today, as I type this. When they left I emailed their father they’d left on-time. I did not get the same courtesy. They, flying into snow & ice, could have been all killed for all I know. A day later, I get an email. That, is what it’s like. And I’m sick of the children making excuses for a guy they both have said about, “I’d rather think he’s just a jerk than that he does it on purpose”– but then, they’re fine with ME being trashed & them having to pretend?

    I hope you understand what I’m saying here. I don’t fixate on their father nor my ex here. I do, however, find myself having to defend myself when THEY are brought up to me.

    I want my story told & if no one cares, well, that’s their problem. But, I want my children to know that you don’t accept this sort of thing, from anyone.

    Thank you for reading. I can fill gaps, if it helps to make it clear. The whole saga would definitely fill a very large book. I have left out so much. I’m fairly exhausted.

    Thank you

    Liked by 2 people

  26. Peter says:

    Thank you so much for this explanation. It really feels good to know that someone can understand. I have been bullied by my older brothDr and sister beginning when I was 3 years old. I thought I had finally got away. About 5 or 6 of 10 or 29 ??? years ago, they began stalking me. I became deathly I’ll about 3 years and they found out and began a internet smear campaign the next day. It’s been almost 3 years of he’ll. I don’t have the time or desire to waist fighting them. They get worse every week. I have never broken the law. I am not a criminal. They are trying to make me look like one. They are very mean, and really seem to enjoy this. I am 62 now and don’t wish to waist any of whatever life I have left even thinking about them, but they persist. Do you want to Wright a book? Thanks again.

    Liked by 2 people

  27. Sherrie Marie Carnell says:

    Just found this blog today. I have a neighbor, female, who has been at me for 25 years. I gained a stalker and he moved into the neighborhood and the harassment and smearing just exploded. It makes you sound delusional to talk about it, I am not delusional I was tested. And, to read this stories above proves people do this crap for no other reason then they have a crazy disease. You can’t just sit it out it doesnt go away until they go away or the or a voice of authority takes control of the situation.

    My narcissists are two women one who owns the house next door and the crazy that rents it. Apparently my stalker sought them out and they started helping him or seen the opportunity to help him. Its shocking how many people will jump on board with this stuff. Even cops and 911 operators who live or work in the area. I have installed security cameras and have images, not clear enough to convict, but i and others can see what they are doing. Its just obtaining the written proof and someone coming forward.. I have learned people are socially weak. They want to be accepted they believe lies even though they can see they are not true. People have poison in their veins. I can’t just run and hide and I don’t feel I should. This war and finding the right resources is difficult but you have to learn to stand up for yourself and let me tell you NO ONE IS GOING TO HELP YOU!

    Like

I think it's so nice to see your thoughts! Please share!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s