Liars…can’t stand ’em

 

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Google is even better at catching a liar than we are these days. I seem to be surrounded by them!

“I called the police on her!”

Lie.

“The world is flat.”

Lie.

“I survived childhood leukemia.”

Lie.

“This credit report is free!”

Lie.

“I own a Monet.”

Lie.  

When you are bogged down with a myriad of lies, all different kinds, it’s hard to believe when someone is actually telling you the truth anymore. Where do the lies stop and the truth finally begin? If you’re involved with a liar, you might never be able to tell the difference. It might even behoove you to start thinking that everything they’re telling you is probably just another lie.

I’ve written many, many posts on lying and why people do it, so I’m not going to start beating a dead horse. This post is more about filtering out as much bull as you can in order to feel some sort of security about the important truths the person may be trying to tell you. Mainly, if a person is lying to you then there is definitely a problem and getting to the bottom of that might just free both of you up for some more constructive behavior, rather than the destructiveness of lies.

I have been lied to so much that you’d think I might be tempted to lie some myself. It has the exact opposite affect on me though. The more I’m lied to, the more compelled I am to be honest. I don’t respect liars. I don’t trust them either. If I were to start lying with no intention of ever coming clean, then how am I supposed to live with myself? That would be a bitter, bitter pill for me to swallow.

I have written posts about how you can catch someone in a lie. The devil is in the details. The more detailed a story is, the bigger the lie. There is also lying through omission. When someone purposefully keeps details from you, they are hiding something. So you have both sides of the spectrum here…too many details, and not enough. Lord help the person that lives with someone that is adept at both kinds! Now there’s a professional liar!

 

These days I tend to let a lot more just roll off of my back, although some things I am stern about.

When someone lies and it crosses my personal boundaries, I will tell them about it. Hopefully our friendship is strong enough to handle that. I am aware that I hold people to higher standards when it comes to being honest, but I won’t compromise there.

I am also aware that sometimes it’s just easier to tell a lie and avoid a big discussion. The problem with that is if you ever get caught, the discussion could be about ending your friendship, rather than what you lied about. If all you want to do is avoid a big discussion, then be honest about it. Tell the person “Look, this happened and I know it is going to upset you and that’s the last thing I would ever want to do. Can we set aside some time later to talk this through? It would mean a lot to me if it could wait.” Doesn’t that sound a whole lot easier than telling a lie that you might get caught telling? It does to me! You let the person know that you care about their feelings. You let them know the table will be open for honest discussion later and you didn’t have to lie about anything.

If you aren’t sure about a person’s honesty, you can always test the waters. Know that when you start doing this that the issue here is much bigger than whether or not the person is being truthful with you. There is the issue of trust and reliability to consider and how you are going to feel with the outcome. If you prove the person is trustworthy, are you going to tell them what you did to figure this out? If you find out the person is a liar, are you going to expose the lies and work on some solutions together? Or walk away? Be sure you know your own boundaries before you start pushing someone else’s buttons because even if they prove to be trustworthy, they might think you’re a real shit for testing them.

Sometimes people lie out of fear, but most of the time people lie because they continue to get away with it. I was naive enough once to think that just because someone loved you it was enough for them to be honest with you and that was the biggest lie of all. The really sad part is that it wasn’t a lie someone else told me, it was a lie I told myself.

I really hope that there comes a time in my life when I can believe, without a single shadow of doubt, that someone is being honest with me. Until then I will remain a burnedtoomanytimes skeptic. Here’s hoping you share your space with truth, but most of all I have hope that you share your space with the best kind of love and the mutual respect that comes from being open and honest.

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About Madeline Scribes

A writer with a sense of humor. If anyone can laugh at life, it's me.
This entry was posted in All kinds of Advice and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Liars…can’t stand ’em

  1. whine-wine-whatever says:

    I abhor liars and won’t tolerate them in my life. They cannot be trusted. And what good is a ‘friend’ who can’t be trusted? Fool me once… One thing is certain: a liar who is successful with white lies or smallish lies will continue to increase the level and depth of their lies, testing you to see if they’ve crossed your imaginary line yet. Then it eventually becomes so easy for them, they can’t discern the truth from their own lies. Sure, sometimes the truth may hurt, but not nearly as much as an outright lie.

    BTW, it’s good to see you writing and blogging again! xo

    Like

  2. I am really glad I came across this post. I know in situations of abuse, it is is one lie after another. I see it with my stepkids- they lie constantly about their Mom’s home about significant and completely insignificant things. It has been amazing to me to witness. Anyway, thanks for helping me understand some of my reactions. (and thank you for the blog award!)

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    • You are most welcome!!!

      Kids learn early on to start lying by watching the adults in their lives. Your step kids are most likely emulating a prominent adult, which should give you a big clue about believing that adult too. I wish we could eliminate lying altogether, but it is a part of all of our lives these days. I need to start being less gullible.

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  3. Mrs F Baggins says:

    I’m so glad I’ve found your blog. I have been in tears since last night down to two friends. They were both close friends and even came to my very small wedding last month. One of them has been living back with her parents since Christmas time and has recently quit her job, I’ve tried to help her out – letting her stay with me and my husband, us buying her dinner etc and the other friend as well.

    She had a problem in the house yesterday and pm’d my husband on Facebook instead of me, when she did finally see me she was snippy. I had noticed the other night the other friend was the same. She left my house yesterday evening and sent me a text demanding I apologise to her for apparently upsetting her. I apologised and she carried on making me feel worse. I was in tears.

    A couple of days ago she said something to me and my husband about a conversation that her and one of my husbands best friends (also brother in law flat mate) about my brother in law and something that he had done that could have potentially got him jailed. While the texting was going on my husband was out with friends and repeated this to his friend. His friend says that the convo never happened and my brother in law backs this up. My husbands group of friends are completely honest. All of the time.

    I have a feeling that she knew this was going to come out and she would have been found out. I am now worried because her and the other friend are the types that are hell bent on revenge of anyone they feel has wronged them. The first friend had a minor disagreement at my wedding with my brother in law (he walked away and just ignored it – gold star for not giving in to someone looking for an argument) and I think this is their way of revenge on him. So what am I, my husband and his friend in for? My brother in law doesn’t even remember her and him having a run in, yet she repeats it constantly. He also tried to get her a job.

    Today is my day off and I’ve stayed in the house all day with the curtains drawn and the doors locked

    Like

  4. Pingback: Is that a reliable source? | Madeline Scribes

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