When I first discovered the traits and personality disorders I was being exposed to and abused by, I freaked out.
How in the world had I landed in such a sticky hornet’s nest?
How was a sane person supposed to deal with the antics these folks were capable of?
I tried my best to handle every new situation as it came up and strive to treat each person differently, but I realized after some time that almost every single one of these kinds of toxic personalities reacts and behaves using the same patterns. This is also what has made it easy to pick them out sooner and avoid them before they become a huge part of my life now.
I was also blessed enough to find several Narc Slayers online that were willing to answer questions about several aspects of a narc’s behavior and some of the madness they can spring on you.
Isn’t it odd that there can be a large segment of people in your life that all behave using the same patterns?
After I suffered (and I am not kidding because I did suffer) through the first few narcissistic smear campaigns, the next few barely even raised my blood pressure. In fact, I expected them and they didn’t disappoint me because they happened right on schedule. I wrote a post entitled Get Ready…here comes the Narcissistic Smear Campaign after I started clearing my life of toxic relationships, because every single one followed the same routine. I was so amazed by this that I wondered if they had a fucking handbook.
It’s one of the first, and only, times in my life that I have ever treated numerous people the same. There is no other way to treat them and experts all agree that to try to reason with them, or to try to make peace with them, is to open yourself up to even more abuse.
There is only one way to deal with these kinds of personality disorders and that is to CUT OFF ALL CONTACT.
I have listened to some of my own friends complain and describe relationships that fit the description of a narc right down to the hair follicle and I advise them, just as I was advised.
Cut off all contact.
When I start to hear excuses, any excuse, I know that this person is just not ready to let go and I stop giving advice. Sometimes I also stop listening. It’s counterproductive to continue to be in a relationship and have the same problems over and over and over again and not do anything to save yourself from being abused. It serves no purpose. I feel sad for the friend that is in this position, but the only person that can help them is themselves. No one can do that for them.
If there is ever a situation that requires you to be in contact with someone that abuses, limit that contact, keep your boundaries strong and remember that you do not have to endure a single second of bullshit from them. Do what you need to do in that moment and then resume your life, free from the abuse.
Knowing what I know today about sociopaths and narcissists, I wonder if there is a chemical imbalance or some genetic flaw that causes them to be the way they are. I do know that as of today there is no cure for either disorder. They can not be treated with pharmaceuticals or with counselling. So if you think you can fix one of these people, think again. They are irreparably damaged.
They are incurable, but luckily for all of us, they can be escaped.