incurable, but easy to escape

dandelions

When I first discovered the traits and personality disorders I was being exposed to and abused by, I freaked out.

How in the world had I landed in such a sticky hornet’s nest?

How was a sane person supposed to deal with the antics these folks were capable of?  

I tried my best to handle every new situation as it came up and strive to treat each person differently, but I realized after some time that almost every single one of these kinds of toxic personalities reacts and behaves using the same patterns. This is also what has made it easy to pick them out sooner and avoid them before they become a huge part of my life now.

I was also blessed enough to find several Narc Slayers online that were willing to answer questions about several aspects of a narc’s behavior and some of the madness they can spring on you.

Isn’t it odd that there can be a large segment of people in your life that all behave using the same patterns?

After I suffered (and I am not kidding because I did suffer) through the first few narcissistic smear campaigns, the next few barely even raised my blood pressure. In fact, I expected them and they didn’t disappoint me because they happened right on schedule. I wrote a post entitled Get Ready…here comes the Narcissistic Smear Campaign after I started clearing my life of toxic relationships, because every single one followed the same routine. I was so amazed by this that I wondered if they had a fucking handbook.

It’s one of the first, and only, times in my life that I have ever treated numerous people the same. There is no other way to treat them and experts all agree that to try to reason with them, or to try to make peace with them, is to open yourself up to even more abuse.

There is only one way to deal with these kinds of personality disorders and that is to CUT OFF ALL CONTACT.

I have listened to some of my own friends complain and describe relationships that fit the description of a narc right down to the hair follicle and I advise them, just as I was advised.

Cut off all contact.

When I start to hear excuses, any excuse, I know that this person is just not ready to let go and I stop giving advice. Sometimes I also stop listening. It’s counterproductive to continue to be in a relationship and have the same problems over and over and over again and not do anything to save yourself from being abused. It serves no purpose. I feel sad for the friend that is in this position, but the only person that can help them is themselves. No one can do that for them.

If there is ever a situation that requires you to be in contact with someone that abuses, limit that contact, keep your boundaries strong and remember that you do not have to endure a single second of bullshit from them. Do what you need to do in that moment and then resume your life, free from the abuse.

Knowing what I know today about sociopaths and narcissists, I wonder if there is a chemical imbalance or some genetic flaw that causes them to be the way they are. I do know that as of today there is no cure for either disorder. They can not be treated with pharmaceuticals or with counselling. So if you think you can fix one of these people, think again. They are irreparably damaged.

They are incurable, but luckily for all of us, they can be escaped.

Escaping the Boy: My Life with a Sociopath

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About Madeline Scribes

A writer with a sense of humor. If anyone can laugh at life, it's me.
This entry was posted in All kinds of Advice, Personal Boundaries Primer and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to incurable, but easy to escape

  1. Paula says:

    Putting ourselves first is VERY easy after putting ourselves last for so long and getting walked over. We CAN escape easily…now! And it’s a beautiful thing! Thank you, MS, I’m guessing this means you enjoyed my book. 🙂 XOXO

    Like

  2. silkred says:

    I have wondered about the fucking handbook too, when you learn about these losers what is initially overwhelming and in fact a little confusing too is that the pattern is so consistent.

    In a way it gives you a little comfort to know this as it somehow depersonalises the abuse – although to write it off as something – they could not help – would absolve them from being the total arseholes that we all know them to be.

    I think part of that pattern is also the way the abused person tries to engage at first as if the loser is normal, so we all go through the time when you engage and reason. Only to become so mindbendingly confused and depressed so utterly unaware that all this effort is like pouring petrol on the fire, akin to self-immolation.

    Absolutely no contact is the only effective antidote to these losers… Think of it as a gift from them, as its so simple, uncomplicated, lacking in nuance…

    simply tell them to fuck off

    job done…

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    • For me, the worst part was the gaslighting. I know I have been subjected to it my whole life by various folks now, but I never really knew it had a name or a pathology. Gaslighting is the worst!!
      This one sociopath told me that her friend “wanted to fuck my husband”. That’s exactly how she worded it and I didn’t like it one bit. I thought it was crass and insensitive that she would even tell me something like that. I didn’t say anything when it first happened because like a good little victim, I didn’t want to make her mad. When I brought it up to her later during my exit from the friendship, I told her I didn’t like what she said, and this is what she said to me; “I never said she wanted to fuck him. I said she thought he was good looking. What’s your problem? Most people like it when others admire their mates.” Do you see what she did there? She denied what she really said to me, reworded it to sound completely innocent and then turned it on me, like I have a problem. Classic gaslighting and it’s one more reason to cut off all contact and if you have to have any contact, make sure it’s all in writing so they can’t twist anything you or they say later.

      Nothing excuses the way these people behave. Nothing.

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      • silkred says:

        Writing became an essential part of it all for me, at first to record my learning about narcissism itself, then later, a sort of rote timeline recording the events in some loose chronology, in part so I could stop thinking about them and also let go any seeming need to remember how it all played out.

        This in itself became a target of the losers, the narc recruited a sidekick to attempt to get behind the password on my notes. This escalated from the loser being on my website every single day and finally resulted in a day he spent together with another loser sending abusive search terms up to the site what looked like while they were in conversation together.

        It was my being affronted by this behaviour that the loser narcissist spun and used to play back to the group as if it was ME who was being the abuser. The whole group bought this with the result that they made a whole new google group and went off leaving me behind.

        I have spoken with some of the peripheral others who given me an insight into the general perception shared by the others but also when I told my side – surprisingly – they entrenched themselves and stated with some force that they would not be stepping back from their friendship with the narcissist.

        Kind of left me a little speechless but at the same time clarified my sense for the future. I find I am angry with them and the thought that they had been my friends together with the reality that when it came to it I was left alone by them.

        They were never friends in the way you would wish so this insight has helped me look forward with much more clarity. I am finding that I am feeling better too, more stable inside me that I have been for so long.

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  3. GODisms says:

    Hi Madeline! Love your blog so much I nominate you for the “Very inspiring Blog Award”! Please contact me via my blog and I will give you the badge of honor and the details! Congrats!!!!

    Like

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