Nurturing a TOXIC relationship?

charlie kite crash

I have had a few occasions over the years when I was in the middle of doing or saying something I felt was heartfelt and good to someone I cared about, only to have them jump the gun and start blasting me to smithereens. It was mind boggling! Those are the moments in your life when you sit back with a look of pure shock on your face and then everything falls into place like a lock tumbling right before it opens and shows you what is truly on the other side of that door.  

One example was a friend, and I use that term loosely, that I wanted some space from on a social network. She exhibited some unhealthy behavior on there and I preferred to just be her friend on the outside of that arena. Before I could even blink twice she was blathering all over her own social page about how much she never even liked me!

Another time and another “friend” on the phone had me in total spellbound flabbergastery when I thought I was doing what she wanted me to do by backing off and she wanted nothing more than to continue emotionally abusing me. When I unknowingly kept putting up a roadblock to her insistence, she lost her cool with me for the first time and allowed me a peek behind the curtain. What I saw was not pretty, and it still isn’t pretty since she has allowed many other people a peek since then.


It is those times when hesitation, or your jam packed schedule, or simply a slow Internet connection, will show you someone’s true colors. It is those times when all of the disingenuous lip service these people have been giving you for a very long time comes to light. They usually regret it because they lose a whipping post, but you definitely benefit from the knowledge that you no longer have to waste your time recovering from the numerous occasions they have abused you.

When something like this comes to the surface in my own life, I am no longer quick to forget it. I forgive them eventually, but I will never forget it and I will never go back into any kind of a relationship with them. I might be cordial, but that’s unlikely too. Nope! People that do stuff like this are depraved and small minded and I have absolutely no time in my life to put up with even a nanosecond of their bullshit.

Why do some people like to continue to nurture connections with people they really don’t like?

This is a question that continues to resurface for me. I’m sure some of you reading this have asked yourself the same question. So I’m going to ask my own readers to chime in about their own experiences, or to at least think about them and how they could change certain relationships for the better.

If you are someone that nurtures these kinds of relationships, why do you do it? Is it because the person makes it so easy for you to get off on abusing them? You can zing them and slam them and they laugh it off and keep showing up to be your “friend“? Or do you just feel like you’re stuck with them because they are a family member or a colleague?

If you are on the receiving end of this kind of abuse, and trust me, there is no other word to describe this but the word ABUSE, then why do you keep going back? What are you getting out of it?

Friend…not a word or a description that should ever be used unless it’s true.

About Madeline Scribes

A writer with a sense of humor. If anyone can laugh at life, it's me.
This entry was posted in All kinds of Advice and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Nurturing a TOXIC relationship?

  1. I usually feel I do this when I am “stuck” with them- i.e. a family member.


  2. Yup, me too – when I’m stuck with them. I think (I hope!) that I’ve largely eliminated those sorts of relationships from my life. After being married to a narcissist, I needed some counselling around that issue.


  3. juliagoolia1920 says:

    It happens so often it’s sometimes difficult to see the signs. Interesting post!


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