haters

I don't hate you

I don’t hate you.

I think that’s the best way to start a post like this one. I want to write about the act of plotting revenge, the act of being vengeful and participating in malicious acts against another human being. I have never seen the point of behaving like this.  

Props to the more creative ones that think outside of the box and take revenge to whole new level, but I have to wonder about the drain on that person’s psyche. Revenge only gives you a limited amount of *high* before it wears off and then you’re just left with the bitterness. I guess you could spend an enormous amount of your energy being vengeful in order to stay *high*, but what are you sacrificing in order to get there?

Family?

Your job?

Being successful?

Time spent with good friends that don’t care about the person you seek revenge from?

Perhaps doing something for the good of others less fortunate?

What are you missing out on by being vengeful?

Even the act of putting it *out there* takes energy. I know this because every time I post something, I put a little bit of myself into it. I put myself out there to be judged, to be watched, to be seen. That takes energy and I would not even want to know what it feels like to put something out there with hateful and vengeful energy. That has to be mentally debilitating.

I don’t hate you.

But I do hate what you’ve done.

I hate that.

I hate it because it means you and I can never be friends again. It means I will never trust you again. It means the delicate thread that holds two people together as friends is forever broken and now there is nothing that ties me to you with love. There is nothing there between us at all anymore because you tore it apart and took a great big shit on it, all because you needed to be right, you needed to be seen, you needed to puff up and be righteous with vengeful and malicious intent. Just because you were hurting, you wanted to try to  hurt me too.

Well, how is that working out for you so far?

Are you happier?

Did your revenge add something of value to your life?

Is it out of your system yet, or do you feel the urge to continue seeking more and more revenge?

Revenge is like drinking the poison yourself, and expecting the other person to die.

When you harbor feelings of resentment and revenge in your heart and act out by physically seeking to harm someone, then you are drinking poison. Why would you do this?

It is and will always be a mystery to me why people act out in harmful ways. Revenge never works the way you think it will and it certainly does not bring the kind of self satisfied feeling you’re expecting. Revenge only brings more hatred into your heart and calls for more and more hatred as the years pass you by. You will never walk away feeling good inside about what you’ve done and trust me, no one admires you for what you’ve done either. You can pretend to feel good, but when you are sitting all alone and can be truly honest with yourself, you will know that what I am telling you is true. Revenge does not feel good. It is a black and pitiful feeling, one that will eventually kill whatever light you have left in your life. Revenge will leak into every corner and take over your entire realm of existence.

If the act of revenge means you might renew a relationship with someone you thought was lost, can you honestly say the two of you feel good about being together now? Was the cost of maligning and denigrating another human being enough to bind you to each other with *love* now? Is it a happy reunion? The thought of this raises bile in my throat because thinking that two people could be happier at the expense of someone else makes me sick to my stomach. It is a travesty of jealousy that would make anyone think that this is correct or just behavior.

Attempting to destroy someone so you can have a friend is the definition of mental illness.

My message to people that carry around this type of baggage is to seek professional counseling. Find something in your life that is worthy of you and stop allowing vengeful feelings to rule everything you do. It’s not worth it. The person you are “out to get” has most likely moved beyond your earthly grasp and has no intentions of ever returning.

Rather than placing the blame for the demise of whatever kind of relationship you had with the person, solely on that person, take a look inward. Realize that it takes two to tango, but even though you may have lost your dance partner, there are many other dancers sitting in the folding chairs that line the walls just waiting to tango with you too. Your life, your purpose, is not centered around the one that got away and the one that left is not fully to blame for leaving.

Ask yourself what you did to make your friend leave. Then work on being a better friend to someone new. Stop wasting your time seeking revenge, because the only person suffering…is you.

I don’t hate you.

But I hate what you did.

I hate that.

And this is all you will ever get from me.

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About Madeline Scribes

A writer with a sense of humor. If anyone can laugh at life, it's me.
This entry was posted in All kinds of Advice and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to haters

  1. This may have changed my life.

    Like

  2. whine-wine-whatever says:

    I have a feeling this blog entry took you less than 10 minutes to write. You must be sick to death of this person’s shenanigans.

    I only hope the person this is intended for “gets” it.

    Like

  3. silkred says:

    Reblogged this on stuff that goes on cycling to work and commented:
    “I don’t hate you.

    But I do hate what you’ve done.

    I hate that.

    I hate it because it means you and I can never be friends again. It means I will never trust you again. It means the delicate thread that holds two people together as friends is forever broken and now there is nothing that ties me to you with love. There is nothing there between us at all anymore because you tore it apart and took a great big shit on it, all because you needed to be right, you needed to be seen, you needed to puff up and be righteous with vengeful and malicious intent. Just because you were hurting, you wanted to try to hurt me too.”

    I like the sentiment of this post a lot, I struggle in these days with a wish to somehow take reciprocal revenge on the loser narcissist abuser. The direct incidences of actual abuse have stopped for now but the affect of everything persists and somehow takes something from every single day.

    This feeling of loss is amplified now as I start to come into direct contact with these losers, the challenge I face is to continue to enjoy the sport that brought me into contact with them in the first place a sport that constitutes the loser narcissists stage and one from which he has seen me socially rejected

    To insulate myself from them and maintain NO CONTACT and yet enjoy a thing I have loved all my adult life is a significant challenge. These last days have been difficult because of this and have brought me again to seek help from the police, I so desperately do not want to give up a thing I love because of these losers behaviour and have had little or no support or understanding from my remaining friends. Friends I now fear to drive away talking about this nonsense with them too much.

    So when I read this post I felt an instant grounding of my pent up emotional energy, it brought me peace via the mantra:

    “I don’t hate you – But I do hate what you’ve done. I hate that.”

    It has a beautiful perfection. It feels true and resonates sonorously inside me. I will think to it in the days to come and let go many of those things inside me that hurt.

    Thank you.

    Like

  4. silkred says:

    Re-Blogging this has cause some consternation with the loser narcissist abuser and his dullard sidekicks…

    truth hurts it seems

    Like

  5. Pingback: Why Narcissists Always Shatter and The Energy of Relationships | healing from narcissistic abuse

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