In various posts over the years I have written about the use of the word secret. I have added in my thoughts about this word in addition to whatever topic I was exploring, but I have never made an entire post about this word. A simple term that has the ability to ignite something within each of us that can either be childlike, or coveted.
Adults that frequently use the word SECRET can have some seriously deranged agendas, and that is what I’m going to write about today.
I wrote about how a child molester uses the word SECRET to groom a child when I wrote the chapter story entitled Insanity:
“They will establish secrets with the child. Children love secrets and they especially love secrets with an adult because it makes them feel special and important. “Don’t tell your parents! It will be our little secret.””
When you are a child, the word SECRET holds wonder and mystery. A secret to be shared with your closest pal is a beautiful thing and usually completely harmless. When you are a child, the world is mysterious and secrets will abound among friends.
Secrets between adults and children are not that mysterious and frankly, I don’t think most of them should ever exist.
In The Meaning Behind the Private Joke, I wrote about another brand of sinister secretiveness:
“The Private Joke is a way for a group to exclude others. Because they know the secret, they feel they are exclusive and this joke binds them together. It is typical behavior of children around high school age when cliques are most popular. It is never invoked for fun, but more as a way to say to the group that know the joke “Hey, he’s not one of us. Let’s make him uncomfortable. Let’s make sure he knows that he’s not one of us. Okay now, I’ll invoke the joke and you guys will all laugh. Let’s watch this stupid jerk try to keep up.””
A secret shared in a group can be quite fun, whether it be a group of children and sometimes a group of adults, but a secret at the expense of others is never okay. A secret shared in order to exclude other friends should always be questioned and squashed like a bug.
I have a real problem with secrets of this nature, which explains why I went from being one of the folks on the inside, knowing the secret, to being the one on the outside, an excluded victim of the secret.
“Oh my god! This is so much fun! I’m going to invite all my friends!”
“No, you can only invite two people. Remember? It’s the Secret Event?!”
“I know! That’s why everyone should be invited! Because it’s fun and it’s secret and everyone will want to be there.”
“It needs to stay small. That’s what makes the fact that it’s a secret so much fun.”
“Well, yeah, but if everyone doesn’t get invited, their feelings will be hurt.”
The organizer didn’t seem to care, and people I dearly loved did not get invited and YES, THEIR FEELINGS WERE HURT! I made a stink about it and I was never invited to the gathering again. My friends never did get invited. Not even once. There were even people that showed up that weekend that were miffed that they didn’t get invited until the last possible second. They were certain this wasn’t an oversight. It was a year after I made such a fuss that the organizer felt compelled to make light of the fact that this was called secret. He told people it was the use of irony and whimsy and that everyone was always invited.
Think about it for a moment. Unless it’s a surprise party for all of your friends, or knowing the gender of your unborn child, as an adult, when have you ever been privy to a secret that didn’t have a sinister undercoating?
Adults that perpetuate a secretive shroud around you have a warped agenda. They are determined to create an aura of mystery simply to either make others want to be a part of the secret, at any cost, or to exclude the ones they don’t like. It is a way to manifest drama of the most melodramatic kind.
Adults that like to make events and occasions secretive also use this as a means to control the group.
Been there, done that a few times. Like I said, I have a real problem with secrets like this that are used to exclude people. My issue probably stems from the fact that I can’t stand to be manipulated or controlled, especially when the person executing the secret crap is an asshole. I also do not enjoy excluding people that have every right to enjoy an event as much as I do. I think exclusion is just petty and trite.
I guess the saddest flipside to using a secret to control a group, are the people that are terrified of being left out. They will do anything, including betray a friendship, just to be considered a part of the secret, no matter what it may be about. Those are the folks I have the most empathy for. They have no idea who they are and seek their own identity in the acceptance of a group and if it’s a group led by a secret, then they will never be free.
So what kind of grownup uses the word SECRET on a regular basis and how easy are they to spot?
On Facebook it’s easy to spot them because you can see them using the word. Occasionally used, it’s not so bad, but if you spot them typing out that word on more than a few occasions, then you need to reconsider how close you allow this person to get to you. They are not healthy.
Now I’m going to let you in on a little secret of my own. I already know what kind of person this is and if you are a regular reader of this blog, you already know who they are too.
An adult that regularly uses the word SECRET as a means to exclude, control or manipulate is an Adult Bully.
In fact they are the classic Narcissistic Adult Bully (NAB).
“Narcissistic Adult Bully: This type of adult bully is self-centered and does not share empathy with others. Additionally, there is little anxiety about consequences. He or she seems to feel good about him or herself, but in reality has a brittle narcissism that requires putting others down.”
The only way to deal with this type of personality disordered adult is to simply ignore them.
Do not ever think you can engage them with logic or mature reasoning because they are masters of gaslighting and will twist every single word you say and avoid addressing any of your concerns. They have an agenda and if you don’t go along with their agenda, then you are the enemy and they will try their best to destroy you, if they can.
They think they are clever and have no shortage of mouthpieces and disciples to do their bidding. Disciples are the ones that have been groomed with some success by the NAB and they believe every word the NAB says. They will attack you with the same glee and exuberance as the NAB will.
Figure out who the posse is and extract yourself from the whole unhealthy, heathenish hive.
Trust me when I tell you that disciples are not to be trusted. Some of them may even be sent back across enemy lines with an olive branch. That branch is pure poison because a NAB is simply gathering intel. Once they have initiated war with you, they like to know what you’re thinking and doing. They relish that inside scoop that only a disciple is capable of bringing back to them.
They aren’t above stalking, spying or even making nice with you themselves by offering up a false apology. It’s all about the wooing and the grooming and if they fail on their first attempt, they will try again. It just depends on how important you are to them, or how much they enjoy abusing you.
So you see, the use of the word SECRET, whether it be a secret society, event, brotherhood, sisterhood, initiation, underground, event, gathering, club, rites, etc. may carry with them a seedy underbelly that’s only intent is to bully, exclude, control, manipulate or abuse someone that does not deserve to be abused.
And that’s not a secret anymore.