In my ripe old age I have decided that I am definitely an acquired taste. Either you like me, or you don’t. And I am totally okay with that. Oddly enough, accepting that not everyone was going to like me came easily to me.
If there was a box of cornflakes with my picture on it, I’d be the Fukkem Girl.
It was when I had to accept that there are people out there that I don’t like. That’s when I knew I had a problem. It was really difficult for me to come to terms with the fact that there are people out there that I just can not tolerate anymore. I never used to have that problem, but over the last ten years I have reached a plateau, I guess. I think I have had my share of assholes for this lifetime, and now rather than give them a second chance to redeem themselves, I simply cut them off. This has not been easy for me at all.
Even though I know in my head I don’t like them, it’s still a challenge for my heart to believe it.
I always thought that I liked everybody.
Turns out, I don’t.
This part of the new me doesn’t feel right yet. I have always been the person that was quick to forgive and be friends again. I was always the one that made excuses for the buttheads. There are even recent times I have made those excuses for a friend’s poor behavior, only to have them come back around and bite me in the ass again and prove me an idiot.
Why do people exist simply to hurt everyone they touch?
Being burned in some of the worst ways over the years has pushed me to my limit with people, in general. I have come to accept that there are people out there that think nothing of betraying your trust and shitting on your goodness. They think nothing of hurting other people. I do not want that to be a part of my life anymore. I am done with that.
My head is clearer these days. I have liberated myself from the toxic friends, cut them off and have not looked back, except for a few times. Those few times were no better than before. The friend was still toxic and I was unwilling to overlook it anymore. It will be a while before I learn those lessons well enough to stop going back at all, but I am learning them.
I miss some truly nice traits about everyone that has passed through my world. Most people are not disposable and they are not all bad. There are folks I have cut off because they don’t “work” for me, but that doesn’t mean they don’t work for someone else. I’m not so rigid that I can’t realize this about myself, and about others. There are friends out there that are not a good fit for everyone. Even me.
I’m sure if you’re a malignant narcissist or a sociopath, you would see me as your worst enemy! 😉 and I wouldn’t blame you one bit.
This realization is a new one for me and not quite comfortable yet, but I am becoming accustomed to it. I am even beginning to like the way it feels to be in the presence of whole individuals, people that find things to be happy about instead of always trying to suck the joy out of everyone around them.
No, I don’t like everyone anymore. I don’t have to like everyone anymore and I do not have to give someone a second chance when they didn’t use the first one I gave them with love. You don’t have to either.
I have written many posts about the betrayal of friends. I have written about personality disordered bullies that abuse and take advantage of others too weak to run from them. I have given advice. I have bared my soul. I have shared and cried and given back, even when people didn’t deserve to have another slice of me. I have watched my loved ones be verbally slaughtered by hatefulness of others. I have stood in defense at the expense of myself and become a target.
I used to think that the bullshit of people made me weak, but I know now that it has only made me stronger. I will never back down. I will never give in. I will never give up. As long as I have breath, I will fight against the injustices committed against humanity, because I am not a fucking cornflake girl.
What a thing to say about yourself and to say it with conviction and with a healthy mind.
Never was a cornflake girl
Thought that was a good solution
Hanging with the raisin girls
She’s gone to the other side
Givin us a yo heave ho
Things are getting kind of gross
And I go at sleepy time
This is not really happening
You bet your life it is