Everyday I look at the search terms people use to find this blog and everyday I see the word “narcissist”. Seeing this word is a double edged sword for me. On one hand I am happy that people are able to find what I have written on the topic and possibly use it to understand what is happening to them.
On the other hand it pains me to see that this type of personality disorder has become so commonplace that there is someone in the world searching for it’s meaning on a daily basis.
After some of the experiences I have had and after becoming more familiar with who these people are, I was sent into a tailspin in the beginning of my own journey. I realized that I had invited dozens of these people into my life.
When I see these search terms, I can only imagine that this is the beginning of someone else’s journey and their days are going to be dark and stormy, just like mine were.
To those people I say hang in there! There is a rainbow once the storm passes. Yes, you will be letting go of people that you had no idea you would ever let go of, but once you see past the facade and realize they are abusing you, the letting go will come easily.
I’m not telling you it will be all that easy, but I am telling you that in the long run, you really aren’t losing anything worthy or good. In most cases, you aren’t even letting go of something redeemable.
Oh yeah, I’ve tried going back once I thought I missed something about them. It never works out. In fact, on one occasion they used my return to gain information they then exploited. On another occasion they simply pounded me with abusive text messages until I blocked their number.
Once you’ve realized they are toxic, realize that going back is just begging to be abused again.
As time goes by, you will have more time for the people in your life that are truly outstanding. Immerse yourself in healthier connections and spread the love and joy with people that can freely give that back to you.
Free yourself from the burden of always feeling guilty, of always being belittled, chastised, scolded and insulted. Free yourself of having to bite your tongue, keep quiet and bear the abuse of a person that has no idea what a friend is worth.
I will keep watch on my search terms and send out a silent prayer to the ones that are searching for help and light. I won’t discriminate. I will send out that prayer to the narcissists that are searching too. While I have no delusions they will ever change, they are human beings and my hope for them is to find some understanding for the reasons why they do the things they do and to learn how to exist in a world that no longer revolves around them.