I want to share with you something you can start doing for yourself right now. This moment, right here. It’s something that costs nothing, but pays huge dividends once you implement the process into your daily life. It’s hard to do at first, but once you get started, you’ll wonder why you never did this before.
Start being more open about what you’re feeling, or how you feel about something.
I have never truly been that closed off, but I found out there are many people that are. They live behind these walls they created in order to hide what they’re feeling, or hide from what they’re feeling. I had walls too.
There are some adjustments to make here. You can be open, just be selective about who you are open with. Remember there are folks out there that like to pretend they care just so they can gather intel they can use against you later. When I ask you to be open about how you’re feeling, being open with people you absolutely know love and care about you, is the best way to go. For instance, someone leaning over in a bar somewhere saying “Wassa matter honey? You can tell me all about it.” is not my idea of someone that loves and cares about you. That’s usually someone looking for some good gossip to spread around. You know the type, right? They want to be the One in the Know and juicy details about people always make them more popular with other people. Avoid oversharing with folks like that.
Once you begin opening up and letting whatever you’re feeling come to life, you’ll find out that if you’re hurting, it ends quicker. You get it out and you don’t allow it to sit inside those walls you built around it and fester.
Knowing how to pick your battles is also a great way to start being open about how you feel.
For instance, I loaned a friend a large sum of money. It wasn’t something I couldn’t do easily, but it was enough money that it hurt to let it go. My friend decided that they couldn’t pay me back and rather than just be open about that fact, they trashed our friendship instead. This way they got to feel justified in not giving me the money back. It was immature on their part, but I understood that for someone like them, this was a standard operating procedure since I had watched them do the same thing to other friends before me. I was open with some of my close friends about how much this hurt me and my friends were very supportive and pretty pissed about this person’s actions. They asked me to pursue getting my money back using legal avenues, but this didn’t appeal to me. It would have drug the process out for months, maybe years and frankly, after the way this person treated me, I wasn’t interested in maintaining a connection with them any longer. I knew that no matter what I did, this person was never going to do the right thing.
My serenity was worth more than the money I lost.
I was picking my battles wisely.
If I had not already started to be open about how I feel about certain things, this incident would be something that continued to bother and eat at me to this day. But I already knew where this would end up and decided weeks after it happened that there was not a single move I could make, except to move on. And that is exactly what I did. There are some days that I miss the friendship, but they aren’t as frequent as I thought they would be. I think that if I had been honest with myself years before loaning the money, I would have realized that I had been walking on eggshells and dancing around truths about this friend for a very long time.
When you are truly open about what you feel, the first person that you need to be open with is yourself.
I know that everyone out there has people in their lives, or situations going on, that they refuse to acknowledge for fear of rocking the boat a little. My advice is to start by rocking the boat gently, and work your way up to nearly capsizing, so you find that happy medium that allows you to be open with yourself, and the people you love most. Once you get there, the rest is smooth sailing.