Everyone likes to feel important at one time, or another, in their lifetime. We all want that one moment when we matter, or when we are needed. It’s a human condition.
It’s also a doorway for the folks around us that notice that need we have, to try to exploit it.
There is nothing at all wrong with wanting to feel important. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be needed, or necessary. Those are admirable traits for a person to have. I think that sometimes they become such a focal point for some people, that this is all they seek. They want to feel that pull, that need to be present, all the time. It becomes addictive. That’s when you can be taken advantage of. That’s where the Users in the world start “needing” you and they can twist you into knots before you even have an idea that something unsavory might be happening.
For example…there is nothing sadder than a poor, old woman telling you “My kids are lazy. They never help me do anything. But you help me all the time and I like that.”
This would have been a lovely sentiment, if it hadn’t started with a negative. That negative statement should be enough to tell you that something is awry, but you’d be surprised how many people get sucked into the vortex. The warm feeling drips down your spine and thoughts of “She needs me! She appreciates me! I am all she has in the world!” float through your addled brain.
Let me tell you what is really happening here.
First of all, it’s a surefire bet that you don’t even know this woman that well. Oh, you might think you do, but dollars to donuts, you have absolutely no idea who she is. In fact, you probably don’t even know for sure that what she has told you about her own children is even true. There’s two sides to every story. It could be that her kids missed one of her phone calls that morning, or they wouldn’t bring her that case of Boone’s Farm Wine, because they know she’s an alcoholic. But one thing should be glaringly apparent to you and that is that no mother is ever going to disrespect or disown her own children, in favor of a stranger. You can take that to the bank.
This old lady is going to use you to do her chores, or run her errands, but what she really wants to get from you is a way to make her kids get jealous that she’s found herself a replacement for them. She’s going to dangle you in front of them every chance she gets. She might even threaten to put you in her Will if it makes her children bend to her whims. Trust me, you are being manipulated and when it’s over, you’re not going to inherit anything except a few extra enemies.
“My girlfriend won’t have sex with my anymore. You are so cute and you pay a lot of attention to me! I really need this right now. Where have you been all my life?”
Did you fall for that line?
Pay attention to what is being told to you! He clearly says “my girlfriend”, not my ex-girlfriend, or the woman I used to see. He’s still calling her his girlfriend and odds are, as soon as he boinks you and wipes his dick off, he’s going to go take her out to dinner and a movie, not you. Sure he likes the attention. Sure he thinks you’re groovy, as long as you’re so busy worshipping him that you can’t read the writing on the wall.
Do yourself, and the girlfriend a favor, and expose this asshole for what he is. This is a manipulating, lying and cheating loser and he doesn’t deserve either one of you. The only girlfriend he deserves until he can get real with himself and everyone else, is his forearm.
Overly needy people that have a penchant for giving people assignments, or heaping unwarranted and undeserved praise on you, are some of the most notorious manipulators on the planet.
If you fear that telling the person No, or refusing to go along with the program they have set before you, will make them not like you, or want to be around you anymore, then I can tell you this much. If they walk away from you because you won’t do what they tell you to do, then be thankful. This is not the kind of friend you want in your life. They will never add anything of value or substance to your existence on this Earth…ever.
Like I said, there is nothing wrong with wanting to feel important, or needed. Just know the difference between someone that truly appreciates you, and someone that’s using and manipulating you. Never assume you know it all, just because that’s what they told you. All you have to do is listen and ask questions and you’ll be fine.