I was complaining about a person’s bad behavior recently when a good friend told me something I had never considered. It’s funny how we all have our own perception of situations and never stop to think about the other side of it. She told me that I could sit over here all day and talk about how nutty I thought the person was, or that I couldn’t believe it when they did that, or even that I thought the person was evil. Yes, I could do that until I turned blue from lack of breath, but I shouldn’t think for one minute that this person was sitting over at their house, thinking they were an asshole or even a psycho, and maybe they shouldn’t behave so badly from now on.
Nope, they probably were not sitting around beating themselves up and thinking what a horrible person they might be. In fact, the opposite was true.
The person you think is unbalanced and wearing a glow in the dark tattoo on their forehead that reads “DANGER! STAY BACK”, is really just another person sitting over there, probably saying the same shit about you, or about someone else. They are wondering the same thing about you and other people too. They think they’re sane, balanced and sweet enough to rot your teeth, but they think you’re the one being a loon.
I guess everybody has their own stories, their own experiences, their own heartaches.
So what do you do? It sure seems like this will be a never ending saga with no solution, doesn’t it?
The best thing you can do for yourself is to finally conclude that your situation can change if you’re willing to compromise, or this particular situation will never change because you know it’s unhealthy and toxic. Those are your choices.
If you decide to compromise then the only person you need to be talking to is the one you have the problem with. If the other party is reasonable, then you might be able to reach a common ground, or even become better friends than you were before. It always surprises me the amount of resolution that can be reached when people just talk to each other, instead of about each other.
If you have decided this person is toxic and unhealthy and even possibly dangerous, then do yourself and everyone else involved a huge favor and just keep your distance. As long as the people closest to you know the circumstances and know you feel unsafe around this person, there’s really no need to rehash all of their past transgressions. This is not a situation that will ever change or improve and you are best served by moving on and putting a lot of distance (metaphorically) between you.
So the next time you’re trying to figure out why someone might be crazy, just tell yourself that this person is probably wondering the exact same thing about you. Then go buy yourself an ice cream and spend your time thinking about something that makes you smile instead.