That’s not what gift giving is all about…try again



It’s Christmas morning and the room looks like a retail bomb exploded. There are so many boxes and items of clothing laying about that it looks like someone might be moving out, or moving in. Everyone is busy ripping colorful paper, worrying that tiny piece of tape loose or popping the top of a gift box off.

Everyone, but you.

When other family members start to notice that they all have gifts to open and are being celebrated and nurtured, but you are just sitting there watching them, they all start taking another look beneath the Christmas tree. But there’s not another package there to be opened. Then they start to ask around. Why doesn’t she have a gift to open? Where is her present? Did you forget to get her something? What’s going on here? No one is happy to see someone they love obviously being left out of the merriment.

Everyone except the person that was responsible for getting you a gift.  

They feel justified that you should sit there and feel forgotten. They think you need to be punished in one of the most humiliating ways possible and on a day when everyone else can experience it too. They think you deserve this.

Finally someone with balls pins them down and demands an answer. Why would they think it’s okay to ruin your holiday? And didn’t they even consider that in ruining your holiday, they ruined other people’s holiday too?

Where is her gift?

Nothing special, or expensive or extravagant. Just a little something, wrapped in festive paper with a bow. Just a little something to remind you that you are loved, worthy and remembered on this wondrous day of the year.

Just a gift.

Well, about a month ago she said her Christmas was going to be a lean one this year because her parents were in and out of the hospital and she didn’t have a lot of money to spend. Since she wasn’t going to buy us a gift, we decided not to buy her one either. Why should we spend our money to buy her something if she’s not planning to buy us anything?

First of all, let me just get this out of the way…wow. Really? It sure takes a special kind of selfishly stupid to have that kind of thought process. 

Epic Fail.

You flunk compassionate.

This is not what love feels like.

You totally missed the mark here and have no idea what the holidays mean. In fact, you have no idea what giving a gift to someone means.


You think you have time. You think you’re making a point, or teaching someone a lesson by using the act of withholding a gift to punish someone, but all you’re really doing is pushing that person further away from you. Eventually time runs out. I hope for your sake that you wake up and realize that all of those gifts you withheld out of spite won’t make your heart warmer and they won’t hug you with loving arms and they don’t offer sweet words of comfort during your darkest moments. They just won’t. They can’t.

When someone tells you their holiday might be lean, or that they might not have the funds to celebrate in a big way, or they are suffering in any way at all, especially during the holidays, that is not the time to cut them out of the celebration. That’s the time to go that extra mile for them. That’s your opportunity to really crank up the volume and show them the awesomeness that is the giving spirit during the holiday season. It’s the time to dig deeper, to give more, to shower someone with a lot of love, love, love!!

now try again ❤ and get it right this time.



About Madeline Scribes

A writer with a sense of humor. If anyone can laugh at life, it's me.
This entry was posted in All kinds of Advice and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to That’s not what gift giving is all about…try again

  1. Suzan Koester says:

    So well said, and very true. For those on a tight budget or lean years — the thought of something you can share — a favorite recipe, a favorite dish. I would gladly take those anytime than expensive purchases. Use your talents and imagination, put a little thought into those gifts.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Human says:

    Punishing behavior directed at another adult is a sure sign of a personality disorder. It comes from a sense of entitlement, grandiosity, lack of empathy, and the urge to make oneself more “right” by making others look more “wrong.” Yes, the punisher pushes his/her target away but doesn’t recognize any responsibility and is convinced that the problem is all caused by the target. The punisher may regard the target’s distancing as an evil-minded tactic with no connection to anything he/she has done, and therefor justification to perpetuate punishment, solidifying a nasty loop of reaction and spiteful behavior. It can be devastating for the individual who is made to be a scapegoat. Speak up if you see this happening! If you are a third party, you can break the pattern.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. inesephoto says:

    Happy 2015! Thank you for being you, and for your inspiring and very interesting posts!
    Best wishes


  4. dane burnworth says:

    Try giving your time or maybe just kindness. Been on both sides of this one. But if there is a money issue use the opportunity to give from the heart. Doesn’t cost much, but sometimes hard to do.


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