I’m not sure what’s happened in the Universe these past few decades, but people just seem to have lost all sense of respect for others. Grown people that think nothing of cutting in front of the line, or running you over in a store are some examples. They don’t even excuse themselves or look back to say “I’m sorry, I’m in a hurry.” or “Would you mind? I have to get to work and I’m late.” They have absolutely no regard for your situation, or the fact that they might have left a bruise when they ran over your foot in the race they’re running.
And it’s not just adults anymore!
I’ve met children that I thought were the loveliest human beings, only to have them snap at a moments notice and slice me to the bone with rude remarks and dismissals. I wouldn’t mind so much because they are children and most are just learning manners and etiquette, but these days you can’t always count on a parent that will intervene and teach them those manners anymore. It seems to be a thing of the past now. Some kids are growing up into a whole new generation of rude behavior. The saddest part is they are probably learning this from a passive aggressive parent.
That is truly the heart of rude and insensitive behavior…passive aggression. These are folks that feel entitled to be mean through channels they feel they can’t be held accountable for. This new personality disorder uses social media and the pretense that they don’t SEE you, in order to be vengeful and retaliatory of people they feel might threaten them, or get in their way.
Oh…am I being vengeful and retaliatory for calling them out on my blog? Does this sound passive aggressive to you? If it does, then you have no idea what passive aggressive means. I’ve written about this disorder so many times. It frustrates me that folks like to throw that term out there and they don’t even know what the behavior is.
From my own article, Most people don’t know what Passive Aggressive means…, an excerpt I obtained after being informed I was being passive aggressive for walking away from a friendship that I felt had become extremely toxic:
Some examples of passive aggression might be:
Non-Communication when there is clearly something problematic to discuss
Avoiding/Ignoring when you are so angry that you feel you cannot speak calmly
Evading problems and issues, burying an angry head in the sand
Procrastinating intentionally putting off important tasks for less important ones
Obstructing deliberately stalling or preventing an event or process of change
Fear of Competition Avoiding situations where one party will be seen as better at something
Ambiguity Being cryptic, unclear, not fully engaging in conversations
Sulking Being silent, morose, sullen and resentful in order to get attention or sympathy.
Chronic Lateness A way to put you in control over others and their expectations
Chronic Forgetting Shows a blatant disrespect and disregard for others to punish in some way
Fear of Intimacy Often there can be trust issues with passive aggressive people and guarding against becoming too intimately involved or attached will be a way for them to feel in control of the relationship
Making Excuses Always coming up with reasons for not doing things
Victimization Unable to look at their own part in a situation will turn the tables to become the victim and will behave like one
Self-Pity the poor me scenario
Blaming others for situations rather than being able to take responsibility for your own actions or being able to take an objective view of the situation as a whole.
Withholding usual behaviours or roles for example sex, cooking and cleaning or making cups of tea, running a bath etc. all to reinforce an already unclear message to the other party
Learned Helplessness where a person continually acts like they can’t help themselves – deliberately doing a poor job of something for which they are often explicitly responsible
What’s most interesting are the ones that group together in secret to lick their mutual imaginary wounds. If you were to take their alleged transgressions they feel have been rained down on them from the person they have decided is their arch nemesis, and add them altogether, what you’d find is the one common thread of being abandoned.
Healthy people tend to walk away from passive aggressive people.
It’s true! It’s been proven that usually the passive aggressive types can’t put their finger on a single slight from the person they are attacking, except being called out for their own bad behavior and then left behind.
The problem is the seduction here. It can be very comforting to secretly malign and discredit years of friendship when you have someone that has always hated your friend. They aren’t helping you solve any problems, are they? What they are doing is teaching you how to be very passive aggressive and this will definitely cost you the friendship, and it will cost part of your soul. And believe this, the passive aggressive isn’t your friend either. They will do the same thing to you, if they aren’t already doing it.
If you are someone that used to confront your problems head-on and now you find yourself holed up in a passive aggressive den gossiping about the problems you’re having with a friend, instead of asking the friend what the problem is…free yourself. Teach yourself to begin SEEING people again.
So the next time someone is rude to you, or cuts you off, or gossips behind your back, just remember that as long as you understand why they do it and you can see them, they can’t hurt you anymore.
I See you is a greeting. In the Na’vi language, it is expressed Oel ngati kame for a neutral greeting or Oel ngati kameie to express a positive feeling about meeting someone. Furthermore, the Na’vi have two versions of the verb see:
- tse’a, which pertains to physical vision.
- kame, which means to see in a spiritual sense. It is more closely a synonym of “understand” or “comprehend.”
“To see” is a cornerstone of Na’vi philosophy. It is to open the mind and heart to the present, and embrace Pandora as if encountering it for the very first time.”
I See You.