I SEE mean people

pretend you're a bad person

I’m not sure what’s happened in the Universe these past few decades, but people just seem to have lost all sense of respect for others. Grown people that think nothing of cutting in front of the line, or running you over in a store are some examples. They don’t even excuse themselves or look back to say “I’m sorry, I’m in a hurry.” or “Would you mind? I have to get to work and I’m late.” They  have absolutely no regard for your situation, or the fact that they might have left a bruise when they ran over your foot in the race they’re running.

And it’s not just adults anymore!

I’ve met children that I thought were the loveliest human beings, only to have them snap at a moments notice and slice me to the bone with rude remarks and dismissals. I wouldn’t mind so much because they are children and most are just learning manners and etiquette, but these days you can’t always count on a parent that will intervene and teach them those manners anymore. It seems to be a thing of the past now. Some kids are growing up into a whole new generation of rude behavior.  The saddest part is they are probably learning this from a passive aggressive parent.

That is truly the heart of rude and insensitive behavior…passive aggression. These are folks that feel entitled to be mean through channels they feel they can’t be held accountable for. This new personality disorder uses social media and the pretense that they don’t SEE you, in order to be vengeful and retaliatory of people they feel might threaten them, or get in their way.

Oh…am I being vengeful and retaliatory for calling them out on my blog? Does this sound passive aggressive to you? If it does, then you have no idea what passive aggressive means. I’ve written about this disorder so many times. It frustrates me that folks like to throw that term out there and they don’t even know what the behavior is.

From my own article, Most people don’t know what Passive Aggressive means…, an excerpt I obtained after being informed I was being passive aggressive for walking away from a friendship that I felt had become extremely toxic:

Some examples of passive aggression might be:

Non-Communication when there is clearly something problematic to discuss

Avoiding/Ignoring when you are so angry that you feel you cannot speak calmly

Evading problems and issues, burying an angry head in the sand

Procrastinating intentionally putting off important tasks for less important ones

Obstructing deliberately stalling or preventing an event or process of change

Fear of Competition Avoiding situations where one party will be seen as better at something

Ambiguity Being cryptic, unclear, not fully engaging in conversations

Sulking Being silent, morose, sullen and resentful in order to get attention or sympathy.

Chronic Lateness A way to put you in control over others and their expectations

Chronic Forgetting Shows a blatant disrespect and disregard for others to punish in some way

Fear of Intimacy Often there can be trust issues with passive aggressive people and guarding against becoming too intimately involved or attached will be a way for them to feel in control of the relationship

Making Excuses Always coming up with reasons for not doing things

Victimization Unable to look at their own part in a situation will turn the tables to become the victim and will behave like one

Self-Pity the poor me scenario

Blaming others for situations rather than being able to take responsibility for your own actions or being able to take an objective view of the situation as a whole.

Withholding usual behaviours or roles for example sex, cooking and cleaning or making cups of tea, running a bath etc. all to reinforce an already unclear message to the other party

Learned Helplessness where a person continually acts like they can’t help themselves – deliberately doing a poor job of something for which they are often explicitly responsible

~from Counselling Directory of the UK

What’s most interesting are the ones that group together in secret to lick their mutual imaginary wounds. If you were to take their alleged transgressions they feel have been rained down on them from the person they have decided is their arch nemesis, and add them altogether, what you’d find is the one common thread of being abandoned.

Healthy people tend to walk away from passive aggressive people. 

It’s true! It’s been proven that usually the passive aggressive types can’t put their finger on a single slight from the person they are attacking, except being called out for their own bad behavior and then left behind.

The problem is the seduction here. It can be very comforting to secretly malign and discredit years of friendship when you have someone that has always hated your friend. They aren’t helping you solve any problems, are they? What they are doing is teaching you how to be very passive aggressive and this will definitely cost you the friendship, and it will cost part of your soul. And believe this, the passive aggressive isn’t your friend either. They will do the same thing to you, if they aren’t already doing it.

If you are someone that used to confront your problems head-on and now you find yourself holed up in a passive aggressive den gossiping about the problems you’re having with a friend, instead of asking the friend what the problem is…free yourself. Teach yourself to begin SEEING people again.

So the next time someone is rude to you, or cuts you off, or gossips behind your back, just remember that as long as you understand why they do it and you can see them, they can’t hurt you anymore. 

“Na’vi Greeting

I See you is a greeting. In the Na’vi language, it is expressed Oel ngati kame for a neutral greeting or Oel ngati kameie to express a positive feeling about meeting someone. Furthermore, the Na’vi have two versions of the verb see:

  • tse’a, which pertains to physical vision.
  • kame, which means to see in a spiritual sense. It is more closely a synonym of “understand” or “comprehend.”

“To see” is a cornerstone of Na’vi philosophy. It is to open the mind and heart to the present, and embrace Pandora as if encountering it for the very first time.”

~Wikia.com

I See You.

 

 

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About Madeline Scribes

A writer with a sense of humor. If anyone can laugh at life, it's me.
This entry was posted in All kinds of Advice and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

25 Responses to I SEE mean people

  1. Paula says:

    Great post!!! When we call out passive-aggressive folks, they immediately accuse us of being violent. They take on a role of victim and pout, stomp and find anyone and everyone in earshot to back them up and devalue us…just because we called a spade a spade!! I have been accused by passive-aggressive assholes as being crazy, rude, imprudent (my personal favorite) and abusive. So be it! At least I can discern when I am being those things and when I’m just propelling the truth forward. We can all be jerks but those of us who can take a step back, self-reflect and take accountability for our actions are not permanent, personality disordered jerks for life. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • Exactly! I was accused of being angry. All I wanted to do was enforce my personal boundaries and reinforce the fact that since they gossiped about me in the past, they didn’t deserve to be a part of my future. Some folks are just plain clueless.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Good post. Thanks. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. whine-wine-whatever says:

    A different take on an old chestnut: A passive-aggressive person cannot hurt you without your permission. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Tejaswi says:

    Hey, thanks for the ‘follow’. But I must confess, I wanted to comment here earlier, but then felt a little intimidated 😀 Your aphorisms are probably as sane and to-the-point as they come, but suddenly I felt like an inferior foolish human 🙂 I appreciate your posts, really like them.. but I somehow cannot help but feel that you are too tough for me … hahaha.. just kidding.. nice to be here.. and thanks for being on my blog too..

    Liked by 1 person

  5. nolacrazygrl says:

    I’ve noticed passive aggressive people tend to do a lot of self projection. During a time that we (in my own home) needed space to deal with some personal issues we asked for space. In the process, not only was our space violated for 6 months after requesting, I had someone get in my face and yell at me to get out of their house because I was the rude one (they accused me as they kicked me out after I was only sitting there without much input to the conversation as part of MY family unit to be sure boundaries were understood from all parties). If that little drama scene wasn’t enough, then people harassed us with how long were we going to need space to deal with a problem that didn’t fully involve them. After that, a Pinterest board was made by a PA person who managed to post and caption every pin as things were igniting, trying to diagnose me with a mental disorder and stating they were preparing my husband’s divorce party. The final straw was when another contacted my husband about a death of an animal and telling him that it wasn’t healthy that I had him secluded from everyone (I’m picturing the scene in “Misery” when he’s tied to the bed with broken legs here!). I had to call the cops because emails started after blocking every other communication avenue they tried. If they would have just gave time like we asked, it would be different. Instead, we had to make the decision to walk away and end a 15 year friendship.

    I’m not sure what’s wrong with people these days but it’s sad when PA people can’t see the damage they are doing or have done when it can be avoided.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Your situation sounds like one that needed police intervention. This was more than just PA behavior. This was stalking and harassment. I too have a couple of people willing to exploit their past connection to me by abusing social media. They think nothing of bullying their way through life. Those people are cowards. I am so sad you had to endure that, but hopefully you have moved past this person and they no longer have access to you and your family. We “see” them, and it scares them.

      Like

  6. queenbee5 says:

    thanks for drawing a clear line there 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. This is exacly what I endure. I have even taken responsibility for most of it. She hasn’t apologized once for so much she did. Without this acknowledgement and understanding why she needs to apologize for a whole lot of rude, blaming, lieing in court and letting the race sale fall through so I wouldn’t get any money (liar) the is after she asked me to box up everything and clean up the place. Had me get 3 Realtors just to let both deals I worked on fall through at the last second. Jumped through so many hoops and all I got is how everything was my fault,rude and mean comments. I worked months on those deals. Countless hours moving all our belongings many times and trying to deliver my sons, Grand fathers, sister in law and wife’s belonging 3 times. Drive over 5000 miles just to get served a restraining order. I sent her emails weeks in advance, sent emails and texted her exacly were I was and it was on chrismas she wouldn’t let me even see or talk to my son. How is any of this right. Even if she could come of with an excuse for half the things she done, most wouldn’t have stayed with the ones left over there are no excuses for. Almost a year, if she is truly getting help,it’s really hard to see any change from no communication. Almost also sure that she has been spying on me through people we knew. She asked our neighbors to keep tabs on me, when I talked to the neighbors they said they hadn’t heard from you. I knew they were lying as I knew Patrick ropollo was also a lying two faced realtor not to be trusted at all. He lied to me from the get go. Always saying how I could trust him. Come to find out he was taking her side and acting like he was on my side. He lost my respect. I thought he could have been a friend. The list goes on. How she treated,treats me continually. And I’m the abusive, narcissist.,Supreme ultra ass. After seeing and being apart of what.had happened I find myself wondering why I would even want that back. Then my heart kicks me and says because you fool you truly love her and you ment it when you said I do until death do us part. I don’t make promises to God with witnesses very lightly. I love God ultimately with all my heart. I didn’t start the divorce and won’t be doing a dam thing about it from now on. I see she is going by Ms now, another slap I’m my face. This is very hurtful when she hasn’t finished the divorce or given court ordered documents and titles over to me. So every time thing tends to go her way in court, especially when making up lies and not wanting me to get a lawyer. Really I could have got a lawyer and I have enough proof and witnesses. The reason I didn’t was to put that umbrella over her when it was raining. I decided not to win this fight. For my son and his mother’s relationship. What she did she could have done jail time for. Maybe a.long time with some other documents I found. I never went through with what I could have done.no thanks for any of that either. If I was so bad and she is so not owning her faults then I could take her back anyway. So my heart has to decide when to let my man needs take over. Since she is calming to be formally single. I assume our vowels she is no longer acknologing. This should be enough to let me out of any guilt for my manly needs that have been so far from getting satisfied. It’s hard for me to find what I need because I prefer to make love. To scared to go out and date a bunch of women when all I can do is think of her. Yes. This is depressing and sad. However, I didn’t go to jail, I haven’t had everything taken from me. I still have my true valentine my rori. I would have probably shot myself in the head if it hadn’t been for my rori. This amazing creature shows me what no other person or thing could ever match, unconditional love. She melts when she see me and is the one true companion in my life who I know loves me till her last breath. She has had my trust and love. PUREST soul I ever met. The one thing I can count on always, I’m gonna be really sad and really be blessed when she goes. I will miss her and remember all the joy and loyalty she shared with me. She ain’t dead yet though and neither am I. If my wife ever reads this and makes it this ask yourself why are you reading this unless you care. If you care show it. You be nice, kind considerate, loveing, forgiving, a better mate with intamacy and things that you knew about because I trusted you and you used them to gain. I won’t let myself get back with you without you owning some of the family problems. I really hope you kicked some of your addictions as well. Not a requirement for my love, just willing to work beside and with you on what I understand is our problems if we’re a couple. The Ms tells me were not. I want us to work, if you want to work on it fully and not bully me into your demands then count me in. This requires full communication and willingness to do what it takes to be a team. I hope you find some courage to believe and give thanks to me for I have sheltered you more than you know and most people wouldn’t have been so nice. That is how you should know you never needed to worry about my heart, just yours. Even at my worst I still loved you and even at your best attempt to hurt me and even try.to put me in jail I loved you. I never called on you for countless times I could have. I just have a problem with you not accepting that you are abusive and have hurt me and done me wrong as well. All the claims you have made, I accept most of them, I understand what I did, do understand what you did and what your doing now. Abuse is something a person should never want to pass on to others because it was done to them. Especially one who activity speaks out against it, I will never understan. Who is to really say how much one is to blame then the other. The facts are we both were and both have tendencies to be, expecting perfect when one isn’t is not a relationship I will allow myself to endure. I am realizing that the silent abuse and lack of owning our problems as a team is a requirement for me. I have given and worked so hard on things that I get discouraged and fill lonely, then hope is fading away with my since of what the hell am I doing but wasting time on someone who quit on us a long time ago. Just never thought she could fake it so good after making Plans that long.inreqlly thought she did love me. I really thought she ment it when she said till death do us part and she wouldn’t give up. I see no indication of wanting to help or talk to me. What part of gave up am I not seeing. I miss her and miss the memory of how she loved me when I know she did. I really don’t like fake love or games that get played. If you made it her vic then make up your mind. Call me and say what I mean to you, tell me you want to be apart of building a new life again with all this behind us after we accept each other’s faults and transgressions on each other. Renew our vowels become one again and work on loving each other and rebuilding our family on a solid foundation again. We have put so much good in all this to waste it on some of the bad. I’m heading out most likely some time this week. I won’t be able to make it back up for here for awhile. I have to find yet another place to store the things I wanted you and your family to have. I do get upset when you won’t work with me when I’m trying to safe guard things I know yall would want and things I want you to keep. I was going to give you all the pics and albums and craft projects. I really can’t look at them anymore. It’s not healthy for me to hurt this long and feel sad. I already have paid in so many ways. Please take your things without being rude. You should really what before judging what I’m giving you until after you get this first load in. I won’t be Making the other one if problems are all I’m going to get wirh.rudeness on top. I can only turn my cheek so many times. I don’t want to be negative about your ir us. Just saying what is going on now. Only so much a man should have to take when he is wanting to love and be your valentine for always. You should let a lover know if you still love them or not. What are you waiting for. Give that man I know yu love a.call and stop him from seeing what you show him. Nothing

    Like

  8. Ellen Hawley says:

    I like “I see you” as a greeting. It gets right down to what matters.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Pingback: I SEE mean people – Parental Alienation's Dirty Secrets , Akin to Domestic Violence 40 yrs ago

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