I have talked to my friend every week, if not every month, for quite a few years now. We never run out of stuff to talk about.
When I’m feeling prickly, she can always cheer me up. When I get miffed with something she says, she will tell me “Please don’t get angry about this.” And that always works. I never get mad. She tries to see the goodness in everyone, even when they don’t deserve it. Her approach to life and the people around her is one based in being peaceful and harmonious. I have to admit that while this may annoy me at times, it has also taught me something about myself. Perhaps I need to start finding some good part to appreciate in the folks I think are worthless, even if I don’t want to.
She has absolutely no hidden agenda. She is just who she presents herself to be. Folks like that are rare, if not completely extinct.
I don’t know anyone else like her. She has only hurt my feelings once in all the years I’ve known her. Even then she wasn’t trying to hurt me, she was processing a situation out loud that disappointed her and I was a minor component. Not even an hour after my sensitive feelings had been bruised she was calling me to make sure I was okay. Even through the haze of her own letdown, she still took her friend’s feelings into consideration. When the Universe delights in your misery it is always a surprise to me that she holds so much intuitiveness in her heart. She just knows the right thing to say, or do, to make it all better and she is generous with her gift.
She also has this uncanny ability to see her own faults and to have fun with herself about them. Most people are busy trying to hide their flaws while she makes merry with hers. In doing this she taught me that it is healthier to just put them out there rather than stow them away from sight. Once they’re out it makes them less of a flaw, less of a secret. No one can hurt you once you start to get to know and accept yourself.
When I was leaving Burning Man one year she paid me the highest of compliments. I was walking around telling everyone goodbye before we drove off of the playa and I had saved her hug for last. I strolled over to where she was busy taking care of the daily chores you have out there. She was emptying the water from the coolers, adding ice, picking up trash around her trailer and being generally busy. I stood there and called over to her and she kept being busy, chatting from a distance and not really coming close to me.
Finally I just asked her “Hey! Are you going to come over here and tell me goodbye?” She stopped what she was doing and looked at me. “No.” she said. Her face was so sad. “Why not?” I asked her. With that she walked towards me with her arms outstretched and exclaimed “Because I don’t want you to go!” And we stood there hugging a long time and we cried.
My friend has taught me how to be a welcoming force to the people around me. She makes a safe place for you to just be yourself and never judges you even when you’re being your worst possible self. I have never known anyone so willing to forgive others. It’s okay to be a human being and it’s okay to make mistakes. Even your most heinous mistake will never change your core of goodness. And she swears we all have one.
She tells me that I am a strong and beautiful woman, and despite my misgivings, I believe it’s true, just because she says it is.
She is a giant among people and filled with love enough for the entire world and she is my friend, Biz.
I think that sometimes we all need a gentle reminder on how to be a human being. Biz has always been mine and I am grateful everyday that I know her.